why would a man thats a devoted dad,supporting ex husband,great son,super coworker treat his gf like crap?

Question

my bf of 5yrs is all that and more.everyone tells me how lucky i am to have found him.he would give a stranger the shirt off his back if needed and is allways there to help a friend in need.but when it comes to me he could care less about my feelings and almost seems jealous of me when good things happen to me.he will say things like "figures, nothing good like that every happens to me".he was raised in a female dominate family and his ex was very controlling(still is) and liked to fight.i'm the not like that i tend to go along with anything just to keep peace.one would thing he would be grateful for me after been controlled by females all his life but hes not.the more someone is nasty,controlling to him the nicer he is to them like his exwife.if we have a disagreement(his ex and me)he will always side with his exwife even if he tells me he knows shes wrong(for his sons sake or so he says).i have tryed to push back but i feel he has gotten away with it for so long its to late now

Answer 1

He treats you like crap because he can. He likely treated his wife like that as well. Lots of abusive men are pillars of the community, well liked by everyone. Re-read what you have written here. "he could care less about my feelings" -- what do you need someone like that for. Break off this relationship as soon as you can. Like today. This guy is a bully and you are his victim. Who cares why he acts the way he does! He's bad news. Get out while you still can.

Answer 2

I think the issue is he is still in love with his exwife. I think he liked being controlled and misses it.
you need to seriously decide if you don't mind this or if you do mind it, how much and what will you do to get away from it.
only you can decide.
i personally would not be happy with a man who consistently sided with his exwife against me.
perhaps it is time for you to make a decision. You've been with him for 5 years and you have not married him. Why.
He may have no desire to marry you. He likes the sex, the cleaning, the cooking, t he laundry being done, the fact that he is seen with a woman when he goes out, but does he love you enough to marry you? and is he really the kind of person you want to marry? would life be so bad without him?
i think you have a lot to think about and you need to be strong on your own and stick to what ever you decide.
i doubt he will ever marry you and is content just the way it is.
if you are also, then great. but really think about it.

Answer 3

I'm in the same situation. I say you don't have to take anymore, but it's left up to u do decide when enough is enough. He may be good at all those other roles but being your friend, let alone boyfriend, he sure falls short. I say after u pick up your face off the floor, what u need to do is focus on you and your kids. Sounds like you need to get in touch with who ever is your higher source, mine is Jesus. I recommend you read John 15 in the Bible to remind you of what love is supposed to be. Then you take all the strength you have left and demand more respect and mean what you say, stop walking on eggshells, it's only giving him the right of way when he's wrong. Get it through your dome "HE CAN BE REPLACED WITH SOMEONE WHO KNOWS HOW TO TREAT A GOOD WOMAN" You don't need the stress. Life is too short to fill it with sadness.

Answer 4

The way you describe things, i find that you are brave to be with some one that long and having to get that kind of treatment. Some times when you have some one in your life that have been married; they do carry emotional baggage in every form and fashion.
In your case you mention the ( Ex wife of controlling him ) and still doing a good job at it. At some point you have to make a decision that you are getting older by the day; and you don't need to be in some sort of ( Relationship ); were the ex wife is the (puppet master ) and pulling all the strings that you are to dance to.

In the long term staying in that kind of relationship will take a toll on your health, as we all want to be in a salutary relationship and not one that will be the demise of our health. The choice is yours to make !

Answer 5

Sounds like you switched roles with your BF. You have become the pleaser and he has been the controller. If you are trying to keep the peace at any price he is losing respect for you. Actually, you maybe trying to control him with kindness.

In order to gain his respect you have to set boundaries with him. There are certain behaviors you cannot accept and you have to tell him "No." It needs to be a confident "No" with no apologizes. Do not engage in an argument just respectfully say no and leave. If you can do this consistently he will start to respect you. He only gets away with this behavior because he can. Don't allow him to do this anymore.

Answer 6

Shannon, He treats you like crap, because you have allowed him to do this too you. Stand up for yourself, and NOT let him treat you this way any longer. If you truley love yourself, tell him he needs to stop this behavior with you, and your not a child. That you will move on with your life. Nobody deserves to be treated like dirt or crap. Everybody should be treated EQUAL, no matter what the circumstances are.

Answer 7

it seems he needs to be controlled by a woman because hes so used to it you need to decide wether you want to be like that or you can put up with the way hes treating you my bf grew up in a controling family and hes actually grateful that im not like that you need to sit him down and tell him that he lets everyone walk all over him and hes nice to them for it but the more you try to be nice to him the more he throws it back in your face and if it keeps on hes going to lose you hopefully that should scare him enough to wise him up a bit

Answer 8

If you re-read what you wrote I think that you have already answered your own question.As far as why he does it that is because you allow him to.You need to sit down and talk to him and if that does'nt change thing's then my dear it is time to move on.

Answer 9

Because you allow him to treat you like crap.