Why do people think being married is such an important thing before having a child????

Question

This is just a question. But I know some people who feel that they don't need to have a piece of paper to justify their love for one another and don't feel that they should have to get married before having kids. They have been together for 10 years and been living together for 6 and are very much happy with one another and they do want to eventually get married, but they want to start having kids, they have noticed that they have been subjected to a lot of scrutiny because of this decision. Why do people care so much if they are married or not and how is it effecting the people who think it is alright to pass judgement on someone else's life and life decisions.

****** EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER. ******

Some of you are answering so the kid doesn't get called a bastard in school. I am sorry but I have never heard of kids going around calling another kid a bastard. I knew several kids growing up who had parents that were not married and never once did I hear someone make fun of them for it. My mother was forced into marriage when she got pregnant and was miserable for 12 years because the guy she married was a jerk and abused and mistreated her. So I agree that marriage isn't something that should happen before you get married as long as the parents are happy and the child is happy. We are coming into an age that more and more people are not married so I think it is becoming more accepted.

SO WHAT SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING IS THAT IF TWO PARENTS ARE MARRIED THAT THEIR CHILD(REN) WILL GROW UP HAPPIER, ALRIGHT WELL WHAT ABOUT THE PARENTS WHO ARE MARRIED FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILDREN AND ARE MISERABLE IS THAT A BETTER ATMOSPHERE FOR A CHILD?? FOR THEM TO SEE THEIR PARENTS ARGUEING BECAUSE THEY MAY NOT HAVE THE MONEY TO GET A DIVORCE.

OK NOW SOME OF THESE ANSWERS ARE STARTING TO TICK ME OFF, I AM 21 YEARS OF AGE I AM NOT MARRIED HOWEVER I AM ENGAGED TO BE MARRIED MY FIANCEE' HAS BEEN PUSHING FOR US TO GET MARRIED AND I KNOW HE WILL BE THERE FOR ME BECAUSE HE IS A GREAT GUY AND WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SEVERAL YEARS AND LIVED TOGETHER FOR TWO WE ARE VERY MUCH HAPPY TOGETHER BUT RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK I SHOULD HAVE TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER, I DO WANT TO MARRY HIM BUT WHEN I WANT TO NOT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE THINK I SHOULD GET MARRIED, IT IS NOT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO TELL ME WHEN I SHOULD GET MARRIED, WE HAVE NO ISSUES WITH MY LAST NAME BEING DIFFERENT THAN MY SONS AND EVERYTHING IS ALREADY GOING THE WAY IT WOULD GO IF WE WERE MARRIED MINUS ME BEING ON HIS INSURANCE BUT I HAVE MY OWN INSURANCE SO WE ARE FINE. WE AREN'T ON ANY KIND OF GOVERNMENT HELP AND DOING EVERYTHING ON OUR OWN. MY HUSBAND MAKES 60K A YEAR AND WANTS ME TO STAY AT HOME WITH OUR SON, I DON'T THINK IT IS WRONG THAT WE WISH TO HAVE

OUR LIFE GO THE WAY IT IS. I WILL MARRY HIM BUT WHEN I FEEL THE TIME IS RIGHT, DOES THAT MEAN I AM AFRAID OF COMMITMENT?? NO IT DOESN'T I AM NOT AT ALL AFRAID, I HATE HOW SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT KIDS OF UN MARRIED PARENTS ARE GOING TO LEAD DYSFUNCTIONAL LIFE'S AND BE OUTCASTS IN SOCIETY BECAUSE THAT IS SO NOT HOW IT WILL BE. WHY DO SOME PEOPLE CARE SO MUCH IF OTHERS ARE MARRIED OR NOT, CHECK THE STATISTICS THERE ARE MORE DIVORCES NOW A DAYS THAN SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT SOCIETY MAYBE THAT THEY JUMPED INTO MARRIAGE BEFORE EITHER ONE OF THEM WERE READY AND NOW YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE DIVIDING OF ALL OF THE PROPERTY AND ASSESTS. GOODNESS GRACIOUS YES I DID THINGS *** BACKWARDS BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS MY LIFE AND IT DOESN'T AFFECT ANYONE ELSE SO WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM I WILL GET MARRIED WHEN I WANT DOES THAT MAKE ME ANY LESS OF A PARENT OR A PERSON?? NO IT DOESN'T I WILL STILL BE THE SAME PERSON ONCE I GET MARRIED JUST WITH A DIFFERENT LAST NAME.....

SO BASICALLY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS I SHOULD GET MARRIED SO THAT IF WE GET DIVORCED I CAN GET AN ALIMONY PAYMENT FROM HIM I DON'T NOR WILL I EVER TAKE HIS MONEY IF WE DO DECIDE TO SPLIT AS LONG AS HE STILL HELPS OUT WITH HIS CHILD THAT IS ALL THAT MATTERS. AND EVEN IF WE DO EVER GET DIVORCED I STILL WON'T WANT HIS MONEY THAT IS NOT MY MONEY TO BE TAKING I DIDN'T EARN IT SO WHY TAKE IT. MY BIOLOGICAL FATHER WAS MARRIED TO MY BOTHER BUT HE WAS THE WORSE DAD IN THE WORLD WAS NEVER THERE FOR US AND DIDN'T DO A THING FOR US AT ALL SO OBVIOUSLY THAT PIECE OF PAPER WASN'T AS RELIABLE AS SOME OF YOU ARE SAYING IT IS. GOODNESS GRACIOUS NO WONDER THE WORLD IS THE WAY IT IS NOW A DAYS WITH SO MANY PEOPLE PASSING JUDGMENT ON ONE ANOTHER. MY GOODNESS DON'T JUDGE SOMEONE ELSE UNTIL YOU HAVE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR SHOES. I THINK SOME PEOPLE SHOULD TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELVES AND YOUR FLAWS AND WORRY ABOUT YOUR LIVES INSTEAD OF IF SOMEONE HAS A CHILD OUT OF WEDLOCK

LindaLou --- THANK GOODNESS THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT HAS AN OPEN MIND AND LOOKS AT THINGS THROUGH ALL ASPECTS OF THINGS. WE WILL BE GETTING MARRIED IN MAY IF NOT IN MAY SOMETIME BEFORE THE END OF THIS YEAR SO BY THE TIME MY SON GETS INTO SCHOOL WE WILL BE MARRIED. BUT THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWER WITHOUT PASSING JUDGMENT YOU LOOKED AT THINGS THROUGH EVERY ANGLE SO THANKS AGAIN.

Answer 1

For god sake, what is wrong with the people on here!!! Traditional christian values are overrated and complete rubbish! I Both my partner and I come from families ripped apart by divorce. We are not prepared to get married just because someone thinks we should. We adore each other, been together nearly 5 years and have a baby on the way, and are happy as we are. Marriage is not for us and people should get over it and wake up .... this is the 21st century not the 18th! My child will be loved as much as any married couple could be loved. i would even be prepared to change my surname to my partners, but we just don't feel that a piece of paper will confirm or change anything at all. We could still fall out of love in the future, want to go our seperate ways whether we were married or not. Grow up people and get real. Unfortunately, everyone thinks they have the right to tell others how to live, that their way of life and views are more important and better than others. I couldn't give a stuff wht others do - live and let live

Answer 2

I think older people think it's right because of traditions and how our american society has been accepted to think what is right- I know when I was in school no one ever called anyone a bastard-and even if parents do get married-what would be any different from them getting a divorce? I'm a mother and I'm only 19 and I'm way to young to get married. My son's father is still in his life and see's him whenever he'd like. As long as the child is happy healthy and thriving there is really no problem. Being married or not has nothing to do with being a good parent. My parents are still married-but that doesn't mean that I have to follow that same path.I hate people that are judgemental. I think people should live their lives as they wish.

Answer 3

We come from a society where people like to judge others, you know that and I know that. What makes it worse, is these so-called Christians out there who do more judging than others. We all know we can't see into the future, but if you are with someone you truly love and they feel the same whether or not your married have that child then. I would like to see a couple who are happy with themselves before and after they have a baby. It's also a big deal if you can support this baby not only financially, but emotionally as well. If you have no question about your relationship and know what a baby brings to your relationship then you should have everyone's blessing. And your right, no one will call your child a bastard in school as long as you both will love your child.

Answer 4

I don't think any answer you get on here is one your going to want to hear especially after reading your question and how angered you in regards to the answers you are receiving.When I was younger I felt there was no way in hell I was going to have a child outside of marriage because a child should be born to a married couple. At least that's what I DID think. I do not approve of children meaning under 21 having babies because they to are just babies themselves. I don't think that people need to be married to have a child and as far as the father taking responsibility sure doesn't take much to make that happen in this day in age other then a signature or a visit to the States Attorney General furthermore being married doesn't guarantee that the father will be responsible. Many men who father children while married that divorce are just as dead beat as unmarried fathers.

Answer 5

Ideally, it is a good situation to have two parents who love and respect each other and are in a committed, monogamous relationship. Marriage is the ultimate show of commitment to each other.

Having said that, marriage doesn't make a relationship perfect, nor does it prevent someone from cheating or going outside the relationship if they choose to do so.

Most of the people who are so pro-marriage are so because of religious beliefs. But I think we all know that many religious people have the same problems as anyone else and we've all heard of religious people who cheat on their spouses, yet continue to show up in church every Sunday.

I don't think it's kids who are going to give other kids with unmarried parents a hard time. It's the parents! Kids hear things and learn cruelty and how to be judgemental from adults and then pass it on.

I think it's better for a kid to have parents who are happy together because they want to be, not because they are forced to be.

How many people got married because they got pregnant "for the sake of the child" only to end up miserable and divorced?

So I think it may be the "ideal" situation for a couple who is in love and committed and monogamous, but not crucial. I don't think that the social stigma is as bad as it was 40, 30 or even 20 years ago.

Answer 6

It's not fair for people to pass judgement on a person who has children out of wedlock. It is however better for the children if they are born to a married couple. It is first and foremost the will of God that children be born in marriage. this would of course mean no premarital sex and would prevent the child be born (I personally don't like this word) a bastard. Children do get teased for a numberof reasons, and i don't think that being born should be used as ameans to upset a child. Remember children don't ask to be born, so it is up to the parents or parents to be to make the best decisions for the future of their baby!

Answer 7

There was a day when people were raised and didn't need to know why marriage should happen before an intimate relationship. You maybe happy in your relationship, but ask your self these questions. Why should I bring a child into the world and put someone I love through the humiliation of being called a bastard? Who gets sole custody of my child when my man decides he wants to move on? That piece of paper as you so called it, is not a JUST a piece of paper. It's a legal binding contract, that supports your family. Marriage is a beautiful institution. It's a heart binding announcement, and a commitment before God , of love between to people, that will stick it out for better or worst, to death do them part. Living together just doesnt have the same meaning. It also prepares your children for their future, would you honestly want your child moving in with a man, instead of being Married to Him? Please keep in mind, children learn by eample, and they need excellent examples set for them.

I lived with my ex for 13 years, when he decided to cheat, I wish I had, had enough respect and backbone to make him wait and Marry me. But why should he want to? He already had all the comodities of a marriage, someone that went to work everyday came home cooked dinner, kept his house clean and to warm his sheets at night, until I took sick and had to go on dissability, if I had had that piece of paper, he would be paying spouse support. I hopes this helps, and also make you think more on getting Married before bringing children into the relationship, that piece of paper protects you, and if He loves he will do the right thing and Marry you. He wil see the importance.

Answer 8

It used to be common for people to rush out and get married when they found out they were pregnant. My grandparents even did that. I guess people would look down on you if you were not. Some people it has to do with religion. I had a friend in high school, and him and his gf did not believe in getting married. Me personly I think that it does not matter. Like you said there are people out that have been together forever. And because they have kids they dont rush out and get married. I have been with my bf for almost 4 years. We are engaged, but we dont plan on getting married anytime soon. We are trying to have a baby, and if/when we do, we still wont rush out and get married. There are alot of people who have children who you would think are married but are not. Some people are to quick to judge though, and they think that you should not have a child out of wedlock. Like I said it does not matter to me. All that matters is the child has a good home to grow up in, and that he/she is loved. And two people who are not married can love a child just as much as two people who are married. And its sad that people judge others so much, and think that they are bad parents or bad people because they dont have a little piece of paper saying that by law they are married.

Answer 9

I am religious. American was founded on religion, so unmarried parents are looked down on. Marriage is a commitment, so is parenting. I personally think that if a person cannot commit their life to another, they aren't ready to help bring more lives into the world. I think all kids should have (and very much deserve!) a stable two parent home. Part of being married is figuring out relationships, compromise, and thinking of your spouse before yourself. All those skills are needed for parenting. Learning how to combine your life with another person's and compromising in those changes is a great preparation for parenting.

If its just a piece of paper, then why all the fuss? Do it already and get the added benefits and security for the children. Not to mention its easier legally (death, divorce, custody) if there was a marriage.

Answer 10

Because that's just the way it is! When you are married, and having children, the spouse can cover you with his/her insurance.
If you're not married then the spouse can only cover the child and that leaves you out in the cold for medical coverage. The piece of paper is not only to justify your love for each other - there are so many more benefits of being married than not when having children.
Think about the children; you'll have less hassle at their schools and doctor offices and they will not have to worry about their last name being different than one of the parent's.
Just get married and the scrutiny will go away - especially since you're planning on getting married anyway.