How can i gain the respect of my 10yr old daughter?

Question

It seems like lately my daughter has no respect for me she tells at me over every thing i tell her to do & it not just me it seems like she is a smarta-- towards every one in the family she did'nt use to be like that her grades are sliping & every thing has gone from straigh a's to having 2 c's 3 b's & 1 a when i try to help her with homework all i get is a lot of sceaming what can i do

Answer 1

It seems you want her to respect you.Do you respect her?You personal example is what she learns from.

Answer 2

Oh wow honey you have yourself a real preteen on your hands. Alot of children go through this and there will be a time even though many people will not admit this that their kids grades slip. If you are more concerned about her feelings and "being a friend" STOP! You are the parent what you say goes and make sure her father {if he is present in her life} backs you on this and doesn't under mind what you have said. I raised my sisters two boys now ages 15 and 16 and both went through this. When they were smart asses I didn't listen and they soon learned if they wanted something or they wanted to tell me something I deserved respect. Took about a week or so but they came around. If she continues to act out take away privileges such as hanging out after school with friends, the phone, TV, video games, going places until she can learn to act right and do NOT EVER second guess yourself

Answer 3

Hi, in my professional and personal experience, children of that age cannot always express what is hurting them, be it that they are being threatened, are scared, ashamed, confused etc. I would take her IMMEDIATELY to counseling and stay with her and try to find out what is going on. She is sending out very strong messages that something is wrong. She is trying in the only way she knows how to draw attention to herself. I did all the exact same things as her as a child because I was being abused and didn't know how to say it. I'm not saying that is happening to her, although it may be, however, something is wrong in her little world and she is giving you the message loud and clear. Some play therapy can assist her with communicating the problem that she isn't able to articulate.

I hope this is helpful, stay strong andI hope things improve for both you and you little girl.

Answer 4

It sounds like your daughter is out of control. Find out who her friends are at school and learn how they are influencing her. Don't know all your situation as you've left out some other vital information, but you need to get help for her fast. If her grades are slipping, then this is a serious issue. Get with the guidance counselor at school, her teachers and principal and find out what is going on with her at school. Show her that you will not give up until you get to the root of the problem. If she is smarting off to you at home, you need to nip that in the bud now. Don't let it go on any longer. Whatever your punishment/discipline method is, use it. DO NOT LET HER TALK TO YOU DISRESPECTFULLY. If you let her continue to act that way she will feel it is okay and appropriate to continue from here on out.

Good luck and hope this helps with advice.

Answer 5

These pre-teens are unreal, arent they? I know, I have one too. I took everything away...EVERYTHING. It all had to be EARNED back. Nothing comes for free, and you certainly arent going to get far with a bad attitude. Nintendo, TV, computer...all gone. Slowly (over about 5 days), he was tired of being "bored"...it worked! Today, he knows I'll take it all again if he forgets he's just 10 and that I AM THE PARENT, and he is a child. Ive attached a link for you that gives the ins and outs of development (and what to expect and WHY) below for you to review.

Good luck, and stay strong!


http://www.allthedaze.com/6.html

Answer 6

The lion mother wants to raise her babies to become a lion so she shows them how. The best way to teach your daughter to be respectful and speak nice is for you to exhibit the correct manner of speech and respect. Never raise your voice to her, theres no need. If she begins to yell and say disrespectful things, face her but do not give eye contact. Put up your hand (do not let her see you laugh, lol) and wait till she's through ranting. Then begin to give the boundries, in a self controlled manner. "Sweetie, never speak to me in this tone, or I simply will not listen." Another good thing to do is to have your daughter spend time with you. American parents think that by spending the time with their children, then Disney World will teach them something good. In fact, the mother lion takes her children with her, instead. She shows them how to look for food, how to watch for danger, etc. This is the human parents job as well. The mother lion doesn't even have to scream. She simply shows authority over her babies by taking her paw and moving the little Ones to their place. She usually gives a deep low growl. So be sure and use "looks" with the eyes (again, try not to laugh while doing this) and see how simple it is for children to get the message. Try it and let me know if it works. As far as her grades, children (like animals, LOL) also need to learn to work for what they get. If you feel the need to set the standard in your home that she make all A's or whatnot, then be sure and also give the priviledge that matches, that is, "If you want to spend time over at Sally's house, you'll need to have your homework done, and please let me check it first. I'm sure you'll do a good job." Or, "If you are planning on going to Nettie's birthday party on Saturday, you'll need to have your room organized and all clean." or "If you continue to slam your bedroom door, I'll need to remove it. Its the only door you'll ever have. I can't afford to buy a new one when you break that one." Say this all with a straight and calm voice, and once again, do NOT let her see you laugh. Mainly, b/c you are going to see how quick and fast this works. I promise. :) Have fun with your daughter. Let her help you do everything around the house. Children learn security from having safe boundaries and definite standards that the parents set, which shows who is the authority. Only make rules you are willing to follow yourself. Keep a clean language, feed your children only good food and set regular times to eat and sleep. Well rested families interact and learn so much better. Breakfast is important. Empty stomachs make the insulin level drop and the brain not function well. Teach her to always respect and take good care of her body. This is the only one the Creater gives, we don't get a new one. Be sweet! :) [e-mail]

Answer 7

Been there. You have to go by tough love rules. Tell her the rules she must follow and then stick to them. Take away privileges for poor behavior.
Discuss with her rewards desired for good behavior and good marks at school. Fulfill them if they are obtained.
Don't forget that as young as she is, she could be starting to get some hormone changes going on. Take note of them on a calendar.
She is growing up and has started to test the waters of independence.
Keep in mind if she also starts to withdraw from you she could be experimenting with drugs...B careful who her friends are

Answer 8

You have to be strong and be consistent..with your love AND your discipline...enlist the help of your daughters school...talk to her teachers and see what they have noticed and if there is a counselor available there enlist their help too...otherwise you may need to check into professional counseling for your child...has she been through any life-changing events lately...death of a family member or friend or pet...divorce...sometimes also seemingly simple things that don't seem like much to us can have a big impact on our little people...take her somewhere private and try to talk to her...when my son went through this we went for a walk in the park to talk , just to get a change of scenery...Good luck!

Answer 9

This is not as much a learned behavior as the normal one that children this age get.

Firm guidelines and rules are the key. (My children are 30 and 36 and grandchildren of 6 and 9) And I am delighted to say that we didn't have too much of this in our house.

But we are old school. We worked together on raising them and stayed in agreement as much as possible.

When our daughter was difficult I explained I needed quiet time and she had to go to her room if she didn 't want to get in trouble.

WE DID NOT GIVE REWARDS EASILY. No luxuries were allowed. They both earned their cars, we did NOT buy them and this was during their senior years in high school.

Toys clothing etc that was left around I bagged up in a garbarge bag and put in the bottom of the coat closet. He almost never missed anything.

Bad behavior from us to them was not permitted and from them to us NEVER.

Our daughter decided to start smoking before she left home and we always agreed that as long as they l ived in our house their room was ours. There was nothing hidden that we did not know about.

We got our first computer 25 years ago and it was on the desk in the kitchen and everyone had access and no trouble was to be had with the computer. Now we have three and they are all in wide open areas.

NEVER REWARD BAD LANGUAGE OR BAD BEHAVIOR. DO NOT EVER DEFEND THEM WHEN THEY BEHAVE BADLY AT HOME, TO ANYONE OR IN SCHOOL TO ANYONE. It is your job to teach them right from wrong, and the sooner you do it and they KNOW what to expect from you, the quicker they will straighten out. But just expect challenges till they graduate.

Luxuries should be saved for when they are older and earn them.

I remember when our son hit a difficult stage at about 14 or so, I cleaned out his room except a mattress and clothing. He got over it as he earned everything back.

DO NOT BE A WISHY WASHY MILK TOAST PARENT. BE FIRM AND REINFORCE YOUR RULES. DO NOT LET THEM BEAT YOU DOWN. THEY WILL CERTAINLY TRY. Bad grades get nothing but staying home. NO OUTSIDE SCHOOL ACTIVITIES.

BE THE KIND OF ADULT YOU WANT THEM TO BE. Be loving and firm. YOU ARE THEIR EXAMPLE. I guarantee it will pay off in the end.

GOOD LUCK. Oh yes I just remembered, when I was the most upset with them I would hug them tight, usually to avoid wanting to do something worse, very tight and usually I would cry and they would say they were sorry.. HUGS ARE KEY TO GETTING THROUGH MANY THINGS.

Answer 10

I actual have 15 and 11 12 months previous women. the suitable aspect that i visit imagine of to "smash the ice" is to commence stating variations in her body and clarify them to her. i began by technique of shopping for my daughter deodorant. I gave it to her very nonchalantly and stated "the following, I were given this for you. you should commence utilising it quickly so that you do not stink. in simple terms save it on your room or bath room and placed it on once you get out of the bathe, this type you do not could be bothered about smelling". My daughter in simple terms stated ok, took it, and ran up stairs! next at the same time as she starts arising, or if she already did, do the same aspect with a bra...or, say "oh, your chest is starting up to strengthen, you'll want a bra quickly". then you actual can ask her if there is any particular kind she needs. i have discovered that women actual have a decision. both my daughters needed "activities bras". The older one moved onto completely padded bras in center college. you do not say if you're male or femail, so i do not recognize what to inform you about speaking about her era. there's a e book interior the "American lady" sequence called "The Care and holding of Me" that you'll purchase on your daughter to study. My daughter actual requested me for it and the e book is tremendous. It talks about shaving and sessions and zits and boys and each thing. it truly is offered interior the little ones section on the e book keep. My daughter loved it and it truly is finished of coaching.

Answer 11

You have to sit down and listen to her. Find out what is really on her mind. Since I am not there, there are other factors that play in here that one would have to see. Remember, you are asking for help when you are half of the problem. Your opinions are not objective to the situation because you are in the middle of it.