My Boyfriend Can't Accept My Past, Are we doomed?

Question

So my boyfriend of 6 months can't seem to get over my past. I can't go too much into detail because of content restrictions and blah di blah...

...but basically, before him I've had seven partners, where as he had two before me. He is constantly bringing up my past and saying hurtful things.Yes, I have done things that I regret, but I have never been unfaithful to him or any of my previous partners, so why should he be dwelling on my past when it has nothing to do with the present? It's not as if he is 100% pure as he did have 2 partners before me. I don't think he realises the effect that this can have on our relationship. I should also mention that I am his 'first love' where as he is my second.

Are we just at two different levels of maturity? Can it be resolved? Does his issue have to do with his own insecurities? Is there anything that I can do to help ease any insecurities he might have? So many questions! I hope you have answers.

Thanks!

Answer 1

I just went through the same exact situation. I had way more partners/experiences than my boyfriend. We got into many different fights about my past loves, experiences, etc. This is his issue, not yours. I had trouble dealing with this also. He is insecure, immature, and needs to learn to get over his own insecurities before you can truly be together. Tell him that you want some space for his own good to truly think about if he wants to be with you or not with your baggage and all because his constant ridicule is going to break you down. This will put the responsibility on him and cause him to really think if he wants to be with you or not. You, in the mean time, wait it out. See what he comes up with. If he says he can't deal with it, then move on. You seem to have a good head on your shoulder and do not need to be punished for having a past. Think about it, your past led you to him. If he says he can't live without you, then tell him that one more word about the past is going to ruin things. If he loves and respects you, he will stop. Good luck!

Answer 2

I think your first mistake was telling him everything about your past. I don't think it is necessary or appropriate to tell everything. You should both realize that you had previous relationships and talk about the one that may have been right before each other but it's not necessary to list all of the people you have been involved with. It sounds like he is a bit insecure and not quite sure about how he feels about your past relationships. All you can really do is to follow up your words with loving actions and hopefully he will become more confidant in your relationship. If not, you will know that you are on 2 different levels and it may not work out for you. Only time will tell so I wish you luck. Next time, don't spill your guts about everything. Men don't really want to hear about all the other men you've had in your life.

Answer 3

I would say that u r not as doomed that u want to be. I think that if he has a problem with your past then he must have a problem with u cause he and u r at different levels of maturity. And u might feel that he is acting like a little kid and not his age.To u thats what I think. I hope my answer will give u a thought.

Answer 4

Yes you can help him. Tell him he's the best you ever had, he's the biggest, he's the baddest etc. Then he can feel good. Everyone want's to feel SPECIAL to their love. Make him feel SPECIAL. Do things with him you have never done before with anyone else then tell him that you just did something that you've NEVER done before. You can put in this effort and make a greater bond.
And stop talking about your past. Guys VISUALIZE everything you say. And then they keep doing it, and everytime they do it hurts. SO, the next time he asks, tell him " I don't talk about my past" or just deflect, you're a girl you should know how to do that.
And yes, you are at different levels. But its different levels of sexual experience.
Tell him to watch Reservoir Dogs ( i think) --just enjoy the steak!

Answer 5

Any boyfriend who continually says hurtful things about your past (or about you in any other way) is not a good match for you. Period. He sounds immature and emotionally unable to handle it. I really doubt there is anything you can do and why would you want to? You already know that he is the kind of guy who doesn't respect you and is emotionally abusive, which is not a good sign for how he will treat you in other situations.

You have to have enough self respect to tell him how you feel and how it is damaging your relationship. Tell him his behavior is a deal breaker for you. If he doesn't change his behavior and show real signs of growing up, I'd say the writing is on the wall and your relationship will not survive. Eventually you will develop the self respect to have had enough of it and move on.

Answer 6

Too bad he can't find your past experiences a turn-on, esp since he's reaping the benefits of all your experience! Yes, sounds like he's either way insecure, or maybe jealous. Wondering if you're comparing him to "all the others" or something? I think all you can do is confront him with how much that hurts you, and tell him to drop it or get over it, and make sure he knows that since you are with him now HE is the one you like being with and that he does it for you, etc

Answer 7

He is upset because you were honest with him. That speaks to his immaturity and insecurity. You can always assure him that his is your last love, that he is the "best", the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with etc. However if he can't accept that then you will have to live with it the rest of your life. Perhaps going to a councilor would help or maybe just time and trust in you. Good luck.

Answer 8

It's simple boys are conquerors. And it bothers him that you had a life before him. There are not two levels of maturity. You are and he isn't. Lots of luck cause he probably won't let the subject go. Just tell him to get over it or get lost.

Answer 9

been with the same type of guy..

Here's the truth.

He is not going to change the way he thinks because he thinks he is right..and he always going to think he is right..

He is immature, and insecure..He prolly wont get over it..i most likely he never will..you can try and tell him it's the past blah blah blah..but he is just that type of guy


If you want real advice..

it's leave now because it gets any deeper..because eventually you guys WILL break up..and its better now..

there are guys who are understanding and NOT insecure and immature ....you need to find one of those..and not another one like your soon to e x

Answer 10

He sounds very insecure, and no, it probably won't stop. He's going to have a hard time finding someone who'll put up with it, too. I seriously think that if you had been with ONE person before him, he would STILL hang it over your head.

I've been with men like this, and soon, they start accusing you of cheating. Some of them even want to be proactive, and will start cheating on you before you can cheat on them.

That's one type of guy I would steer clear of, hun.