I bodged up (twice) - Now what should i do?

Question

2 weeks before Christmas, me and my gf split up due to me lying to her. The lie was only meant to protect her. Basically she walks her dog in a field behind her house, there had recently been a string of violent sex attacks in the area, and I was really worried about her being there alone and in the dark every night. We spoke about it, but she didn’t take any notice of me and carried on walking the dog their, saying that she could handle herself. I wasn’t happy with this so, told her there had been another attack. When she found out I was lying, she threw me out, saying it was all over.
A week later, we meet up to resolve things, but because I was drunk when she turned up, things didn’t go well at all,
Its now been over 3 weeks since we met and have been through xmas without each other. But not a day has gone by when we haven’t been in communication through either talking, email or text, and most nights we text each other to say goodnight with a kiss.
Were now trying to make another date over the next week or so to meet again. When I ask she says she wouldn’t be meeting unless she didn’t want to see if we could make it again, and that she is curious. But things will not be the same again and that I cant go to hold her hand or kiss her to begin with.
How should I act? What should I do?
I love her so much and know that things are going to have to go at her pace for a while, but I just so want her back, and need to feel loved and wanted too.

Answer 1

You need to take it really slowly and let her set the pace. You lied, however well-intentioned, and need to earn her trust again by consistently being open and honest. I hope you've already apologised and acknowledged lying for any reason is wrong.

Answer 2

While your intentions were noble, by fabricating a story about the attacks,... the fact that you lied to her, doesn't hold much weight in your faith in her and the relationship you two have. On the other hand, why is she insisting on walking a dog in an area known to be unsafe??? Lying to protect our loved ones, isn't always the best choice. You should have been honest with her about your concerns for her safety, rather than fabricating a story. And she needs to grow up and realize that when an attacker finds her, .. she indeed may >not< be able to "handle herself." That's what women say who were raped and beaten, "I thought I could handle it." When an attacker finds a victim, the psychological factors that kick in, specifically the adrenaline rushes that give them unrelentless powers (fight or flight syndrome) .. make women vulnarable and less able to fight back and overcome their attackers. Comprimise with your girlfriend, go on the walks >with< her and the dog, protect her that way, rather than lying to her. Tell her your sorry, you were just trying to protect her because you love her, and you want her safe. As far as how to act? Be yourself and respect her boundries. She feels like things need to start over on a new slate, so treat it as if you two are meeting for the first time again. If you want things to work out smoothly, and you think she's worth the effort to win back, you need to respect her wishes. Give her the space she needs, and remind her that she's an idiot for insisting on walking dogs in dark and unsafe places. ;-)

Answer 3

Wow!!! are you sure this is all that happened? It seems that your girlfriend has some very strong beliefs when it comes to lying, which of course you shouldn't have done even though it was because you were concerned about her welfare.

You should act like you two are just friends is more what she is saying and don't get any ideas that you two are getting back together until and unless she decides so.

What happens when you lie again or do something else that she doesn't like, will you be right back to where you are now! Maybe you should consider finding someone else that would want you and love you.

Answer 4

For starters: don't drink when you're with her, or when you have a date planned with her in a couple of hours. And like you said: she's gonna set the pace for a while at least.
Don't tell her any more lies, she was right throwing you out in the first place. The fact that you lied to her in order to protect her, shows that you don't trust her ability to protect herself too much. Resolve those trust issues, both ways: you have to trust her decision, she has to be able to trust that you aren't lying to her again. Talk to her, communication is the first step. Love comes in different ways as just holding hands and kissing...