I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. Every time I try talking to him about our relationship, he gets frustrated and irritated.
I had a possible job offer 1000 miles away and an interview in the city we live in. I asked him what I should do about the jobs and about us.
He said that if I don't get the job close to him, I should take the job far away. Then in another breath he says he wants me close to him.
It seems that he is confused about us, and it confuses me even more. I asked him to open up aobut us, and the only thing he could say is "if it's meant to be, I want it to happen". I told him that's the meanest thing he has ever said to me.
Am I wasting my time? He acts like he cares and doesn't like me to be upset. He really tries with me by planning fun things to do, giving me affection and saying nice things to me. But when it comes to talking about us...he can't open up. I don't understand.
2007-01-14 02:11:47 · 13 answers · asked by torn 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Mens' and womens' brains are structured differently, according to recent scientific studies. In women the center for feeling in the brain is located closer to the center for language than it is in men, so psychologists are theorizing that this may account for why women are more able to identify and discuss their feelings than men.
Unfortunately this means that we women end up having to decipher what men mean from what they do tell us, and in your case I think what he's telling you is that while he would prefer that you be closer to him he doesn't want to tell you what to do or to stand in the way of your career. In other words, he doesn't want his personal feelings about wanting you closer to him to interfere with your decision. He wants you to do what is right for you...
I think it takes women a while to learn how to decipher "men speak". I don't think I got really good at it until my 40's! My advice to you is to translate everything from "feeling language" to "thinking language". Ask him if he thinks living far apart would be feasible for the both of you. Don't ask him how he feels about it. Then try to 'translate' what he says back into female feeling lingo. Sometimes this involves talking with a close girlfriend on the phone for hours in order to figure it out, but hey, that's what we have to do, LOL.
There are also several good books on the subject that I would recommend. The "Mars Venus" Books by John Gray touch on this language difference (although some of his stuff is debatable) and a book about conversation between men and women by Deborah Tannen, called "You Just don't Understand".
Best of luck!
2007-01-14 02:31:24 · answer #1 · answered by Jump Back 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i imagine a guy is a punk if he won't be able to coach his genuine emotions. i recognize that no be counted the position we are or what occurs i'd be ok at the same time as i'm with my guy i have seen what he can do n it truly is a finished turn on. I also imagine it truly is a turn on after we are able to have an actual communication about how we experience or about what is going on with him. If he needs to cry or needs a shoulder to lean on then i'd be there for him no be counted what. in simple terms cuz you cry or ***** would not make you any a lot less of a guy if something it makes you extra of a guy. you're human too and characteristic emotions comparable to anybody else. F@$& each person else who thinks in the different case
2016-11-23 17:39:16 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys have a hard time doing this because it conflicts with what women generally look for in a man. How can a man be strong and willful and yet in touch with his feelings at the same time? When you ask a guy to do this, chances are he's going to get upset and just ignore his feelings.
2007-01-14 02:16:21 · answer #3 · answered by Meridianhawk42 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont open up all my feelings to my gf coz she may think"Ooo...this guy is an idiot...he is takin everythin seriously n dat's so lame" n also i am shy to.i mean, i am worried dat she'll talk to her friends about the things i told her with all my heart, and make fun and laugh with'em(i dont kno bout u though and i hope u will not) i 've always wanted to tell her but u kno(sigh)so da best way is just tell ur problem to him and dat u two gotta have no secrets n u'll take take'em seriously...
2007-01-14 02:26:07 · answer #4 · answered by Neo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Opening up to someone means risking making yourself vulnerable. You'd have thought after two years that he would feel he could trust you. Maybe he has committment issues, or maybe he wants the relationship to end but doesn't want to take responsibility for ending it. If he continues to refuse to communicate you need to decide for yourself what's best for you.
2007-01-14 02:17:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is afraid to,becasue u might think he is a wimp,or a baby.man dont like to open up.it makes them feel like they are women.us women like to be open we show are feelings we even cry,where men would look like us women if they did that,they need to be moncho men.
2007-01-14 02:23:29 · answer #6 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys are different than girls. We don't have the same need to open up like girls do.
2007-01-14 02:14:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MOST GUYS unless they are whimps or gay DONT LIKE TO EXPRESS their feelings. Get over it and accept that we are different than you!
2007-01-14 02:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by Dick Richards 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can hear it...
shame you can't..
"i want it to happen"
and you reply
"that is the meanest thing ever said"
wow.................
actually the shame..really is you can't hear it..
2007-01-14 02:24:16 · answer #9 · answered by m2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because with women it becomes a control and baggage issue..its annoying.
2007-01-14 02:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by koalatcomics 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋