A male friend of mine who's in his early 30's and very shy has recently revealed he's been crushing on a girl who works in a music store for 2 years, and he can't seem to stop. It's not just any crush. He truly believes he loves her, that he knows that she is the perfect girl for him. He drives into the city every weekend just to see her, but he's never actually really spoken to her. He doesn't even know if she's single, all he knows is her first name. He's told me that his week doesn't feel complete if he doesn't catch a glimpse of her, and he misses her too much if he doesn't. He says he can't stop thinking about her, that she is the embodiment of physical perfection, and that he feels he knows that she is a beautiful person inside too just from watching her.
Recently, he severely crossed the line, completely ruining whatever chance he might have had with her by coming on too strong. He wrote her a letter and handed it to her, saying that he LOVES her and basically spilling his heart out to this girl he doesn't even really know. I mean, she's just a store employee who works weekends, just trying to do her job, and a customer comes in and hands her a full blown love letter. Worst of all, he enclosed $400 IN THE LETTER as a gift to her. He says that money means very little to him, and it made him happy just for her to have it.
Not surprisingly, he never got a response, so he finally spoke to her face to face the next week, and she told him politely, "How do you know you love me? You don't even know me" and even offered him some of the money back, but he refused to take it. He actually took her response as a positive sign, because at least she wasn't nasty about it. It convinced him even further that she was a wonderful person.
Well, it's been 4 weeks now since the letter and money incident, and he STILL goes in, even after getting no sign of returned interest. It must be getting awkward for her, and I wouldn't be surprised if she is starting to feel weirded out by the fact he's always coming in and looking at her.
He can't seem to get over his obsession. He is a truly wonderful guy with a heart of gold, but very lonely, and this is the first time in his life he's ever had true feelings for a girl. But this crush is a total waste of his time, and it's becoming unhealthy how much focus he is putting on someone he knows literally nothing about. He can't even imagine trying to meet someone else.
I've tried to explain that it's so much better to have a real girlfriend who actually loves you back, but he says he can't imagine ever not loving her, and that he really is in love and no one can tell him otherwise. He actually wishes it wasn't the case, but he feels he has no control over his feelings. I'm very worried for him.
HELP!
2007-01-14 01:17:42 · 11 answers · asked by Emily E 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Dear to me this sounds dangerous i would seek professional help for him and see were goes obviously this women/girl isnt interested
or she would of let her feelings show good luck with freind
2007-01-14 01:22:29 · answer #1 · answered by john t 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should convince your friend to get help, with this " addiction" he has for this girl. I would also maybe talk to the girl yourself, and ask her to be very blunt with this guy. If he ends up flipping out and becoming more obsessed, I would warn her. You may care about your friend, but the saftey of this girl, mmay be at stake. He really sounds as if he is stalking her in a way. Like a freaky movie or something, and you should not take this lightly.
2007-01-14 01:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not recomend this usually, but if you are sure that this girl doesnt like him (I am not saying that she does or doesnt), maybe you should talk to her about it as well, and structure the converstion in such a way to make her know that this is a nice guy and not a creep. Then tell her that if she is not interested in him she should tell him up front. She has seen this guy and spoken to him before, so maybe she even likes him, who knows. If she says that she doesnt want to get to know him better, and that she will tell him, make sure that you are being your friend all the way, he will go through a terrible time after that.
2007-01-14 01:47:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow..he told u all that but he cant say a few words to the girl he likes, and hes known her for how long? 2 years? damm...for a 32 year old he should know that relationships dont have to start with a letter and money. If he likes a girl who he sees at work and after 2 years he's still interested then im sure the girl's noticed it. Tell him to get his @ss to her and tell him hes gotta be honest with her. hes 32 he aint got time to fvck about.
2007-01-14 01:28:33 · answer #4 · answered by jason6x6x6 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be worried!! Unfortunately, there's not much you can do as far as his feelings for the girl are concerned--he'll have to come around on his own. The only thing you can do is be there for him when reality finally rears its ugly head. He'll be crushed, and probably suffer through the normal phases of heartbreak--even though the situation doesn't technically fit the criterion for a normal relationship to me or you--it does to him. Please continue to voice your concern. He needs a constant reminder that what he's doing isn't normal and isn't being reciprocated by the female.
2007-01-14 01:29:55 · answer #5 · answered by Nuseed 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since he loves her so much , get him to get her as his girlfriend, the problem is how to win her heart., and if the girl likes him too, thats a good thing, don't worry, unless she is not a safe person to be with.Pls help him out, the best way to end a crush is to let the person REALY get in touch with reality, not let him sink into his imagination.
2007-01-14 01:28:33 · answer #6 · answered by jade s 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You blabbered on and on and the only reason I read the whole thing is because you were able to write correct English with punctuation and complete sentences! But, the bottom line is.....BUTT OUT and mind your own business, sweetie. His life is his business and you have no right to interfere and waste time trying to control what he says or does. It sounds like he is a bit of stalker and sooner or later, something will happen to this but, it is not up to you! Back off and don't talk about it.....the less you know, the better.
2007-01-14 01:25:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Whoa, this is the type of guy that you see on the t.v. that has gone up to the girls door and shot her in the head because if he couldn't have her, no one else could. Or, he kills himself also.
This guy has some really serious issues. He is not in reality. Honestly, he truly needs to go and talk to a psychologist. Please try to convince him to just go and talk to one before this girl will be just another name on a tombstone.
2007-01-14 01:24:14 · answer #8 · answered by Weasel Girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i am sorry but there is nothing u can do when it comes to love.
u just have to let him be.
the more pressure u put on him will make him like the girl more.
be supportive or try to talk to the girl about your friend but don't tell first. if she will like go on a date with him, make sure it a blind date.
when it comes to love, people followed their hear not others, so be supportive or set a date
2007-01-14 01:25:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should suggest he seeks therapy. It is so sad and I wish I had an answer. I can understand you writing to Yahoo I hope that someone out there has had a similar experience and has gotten over it.
2007-01-14 01:25:52 · answer #10 · answered by Poppy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋