Am I a bad person?

Question

I have been with my fiance for the last seven years, we get on great together except for when he drinks. He just can't handle his drink, he becomes violent with other men never with me but he gets verbal with me. He fought with his family and his dad knocked out his front teeth, before christmas and has been living with me in my mom's house since then, and since he worked for his family he is now out of a job. I told him he couldn't drink while he was living with me but yesterday he came home drunk, I had work this morning and he wouldn't leave me go to sleep instead all he wanted to do was search for his baseball hat that he had lost. He kept telling me to shut up when i asked him to be quiet, and then i flipped and smacked him across the face. He started crying and told me i was exactly like his family,hitting him. He then wanted to go out again so i made him take all his stuff and told him not to come back. Am i a bad person for sinking as low as to smack him.

Been with him for seven years - engaged for two years - sorry

Answer 1

It's hard to deal with someone who has a drinking problem. Just ask my wife. She married an alcoholic.(me) Thank god I am in recovery and not the same person I was when I drank. You are not a bad person. There are support groups for people who have a loved one or friend with a drinking problem. Contactyour local Al-Anon (there in the phone book) and find out where you can find a meeting in your area. He needs help but may not want to admit it or believe he has a problem. You can't help him but you can get support for you. Good luck and God Bless you.

Answer 2

No, you're not a bad person. He provoked you so he had it coming. You are within your right to keep him from drinking in your house. He's an alcoholic and needs to seek treatment. You can help him with that but ultimately it's he who must make the choice. All he is doing is causing trouble and he can't help himself. So tough love it. Put him in rehab. Hold your ground and don't let him in the house when he shows up drunk. Call the cops if you have to.
Seven years is way too long. You can't put up with this any longer and neither should you have to. There are lots of people who have achieved sobriety. No reason why he can't be one of them. The resources are readily available. Now that you've reached this impasse the time is now.

Answer 3

no you arent.
you werent right to hit him, but it is understandable.
it sounds as though you did the right thing in throwing him out as he will never change for as long as there is someone willing to put up with him.
now he has lost you, this may spur him on to get some help and stay off the drink for good, and you must make it very clear that unless he does this there is no hope for you both.
let him know that once he has proven hes changed then you might consider taking him back but until then dont give in.
remember it wont happen overnight either!!
good luck

Answer 4

your not a bad person,youve just about taken all you can.everyone has a breaking point.he'll be back with his tail between his legs,blaming the drink, you probably shocked him by slapping him,let him see that you will not stand for it no matter how far and few these occasions are.if he knows what drink turns him into then more reason to stay away from it as he obviously has no problem there. good luck and dont be too hard on yourself either,verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical.especially over long periods of time ,it can do you more harm.. ....take it from someone who knows..

Answer 5

With his reaction to you slapping him round the face perhaps there is more to this problem than meets the eye? Why does he drink so much and get aggressive and emotional? I'm not saying let him back in and forgive him and carry on as if nothing has happened but perhaps let him back in and try and talk to him (and let him talk) to be able to understand him more and if possible help him - you obviously love this guy and do not want to loose him but I assume you don't want to put up with it either. Catch 22 innit?

Good luck

Answer 6

For hitting him , you weren't right. That's abuse. It's also abuse when he gets verbal with you. As fat as booting him out. You did the right thing. He knew the rules. If his drinking problem is so severe that he can't stop to keep himself off the street then he needs to get help before he can make a relationship work.

Answer 7

I have had a similar ezperience, my boyfriend got so drunk one night that he didn't know who I was (he though I was his cousin) and called me a *****, I was so shocked I slapped him. And the next day I asked him to enter rehab. And since then things have gotten better. you aren't a bad person. He obviously loves you and you love him if you have been together so long, so why don't you ask him to go to counceling with you to work this situation out.

Answer 8

you are not a bad person shouting at someone is another form of abuse. Emotional abuse can be as bad as physical and is classed as a form of domestic violence. You just had enought of the way he treated you look after yourself for a bit. If you still want him back for your own benefit tell him to get help

Answer 9

FIRST and foremost! what are you doing being engaged for 7 years??????? thats a no no.

second, i think it might have been wrong to hit him. violence is not the answer when dealing with a partner.

drinking is not good. you never know when it might end really really badly for someone. do you really want to end up bailing him out of jail or seeing him for conjecal visits?

♣

Answer 10

from journey ive had both a good adolescence a million-12 then when I grew to develop right into a mushy individual my moms and dads divorced and we struggled alot i ought to ought to assert it completely relies upon on how the guy see issues in his existence dealing with both i strayed off into undesirable issues drugs and what not yet now im a better individual i discovered at the same time as suffering between proper and incorrect soooo i determined i wasnt going to be undesirable i replaced my conduct and issues..there is a few reality in what your declaring yet commonly something ought to ensue undesirable human beings come from good and undesirable childhoods good human beings come from good and undesirable childhoods also it in simple terms relies upon which way the youngster makes a decision to flow. in simple terms because i ended up there (undesirable tennage existence) i knew i wasnt going to stay there.