I want to cchange my life for good but something is holding me back?

Question

So, Im 15 and I have had a real rough time since I was 11. I was diognosed with depression, adhd, bi-polar, and I have anxiety attacks. Well, I was also a really bad kid from 11-13 1/2. Well, I got forced to go to home schooling [not from me being bad] and I have been in home schooling for 2 grades now. [7th and Im in 8th now btw i flunked 1 time] Well, back in 05 my best friend that helped me with almost everything got hit by a semi truck died and they let the truck driver go. Ever since then I really can not go to bed until 3-5 in the morning. Sometimes even 6. I have 2 friends. I talk to one everday on the computer, and I talk to the other one at the most 2 times a week. I just want to be a normal teen, that has friends, and can go outside without having a anxiety attack. My mom and grandma makes me feel even more worse. They say things like " your going to be just like your dad" and " its your fault you have no friends" So long story short, Im a loner with depression, adhd, bi-polar, and anxiety attacks.It also feels like something from my pastp it could be anything] is not wanting to let go. What can I do for me to be a normal teen?? Other than medication [i went to a phyciatrist and I have already been on 6 different medications and none of them work]? Any adive or suggestions are appriciated. Thanks for your time

Sorry for spelling mistakes

Answer 1

Oh honey, I'm so sorry you are so messed up--- you aren't alone-- I too am bipolar and severely depressed and yes, the medicines do not help most of the time and they just make you sleepy and irritable.

1. You need to get to see a new and good psychiatrist- a child psychiatrist so they can re-evaluate you and get you started on new medications-- did you know there are 6 new medicines approved this year alone?
2. You may need some in hospital therapy-- it's not scary-- you go to a place where you have planned activities and some are arts and crafts, which I liked inbetween socializing with other people your age and of course continual counseling. This is something I think you would really benefit from because your mom and grandma have a very negative attitude toward your moving forward with any friendships--- and that is exactly what you need.
3. When you see the psychiatrist, talk to him about getting out more, even if it is through social services, -- scheduled therapy sessions with other kids your age with the same problems. If you live in a small town this will be hard to do so I pray you live in a bigger area..... Don't give up--- don't listen to anything negative from you mom and grandma-- you have been severely traumatized by the loss of your friend and you need therapy- and inpatient therapy may be the cure because your home environment doesn't sound like it is nurturing for you. Good luck to you honey, God bless you and pray.... it does help....

Answer 2

Hi there Honey

Firstly I have to say what a strong young lady you are, you are extremely brave. I think the first thing you need to do is be at peace with yourself, I think you have already come part way because you are not in denial about your illness and you want help. I strongly suggest that you start a journal and write everything down in it about how you are feeling, your hopes dreams and even set yourself little goals for the future and things you can look forward to. I would also suggest that you try to remove yourself away from any negativity such as your motherand grandmother. By removing the negatvity you could just leave the room or even say "I don't appreciate you talking to me liek that because I am in charge of who I am and I can make decisions like everyone else." I'm not sure if you are religious or not but I find praying to God helps. My priest always prays for us about removing any feeling or unesesary depression or worries. I know this is easy said than done but if you believe inthe grace of God and your own heart that I truelly believe it is possible. How about one of your goals being to get into colege. After all knowledge is power and education is something that no one cantake from you. God Bless you,you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Answer 3

Part of the issue could be that you are home schooled and not around other teens who share your interests. You may want to try to speak with a therapist who specializes in young adults or adolescents as they have unique ideas different from just seeing a psychiatrist who can offer medications. I do not have ADD or Bi-Polar but my nephew does and I know it is hard to find some consistancy, not to mention the verbal issues with your family. I grew up with similar issues with verbal abuse and it hurts but you need to remember that their words can't define who you are or will be. You are special and there is a reason you are here, remember there are over 6 million peole in this world do not let a few ruin your life.
If you need help call the Girls and Boys town hotline at: 1-800-448-3000
they are there 24/7 and are great at helping teens with a wide variety of problems at no cost to you check them out at :
www.girlsandboystown.org
Good luck I hope this helps.

Answer 4

What a tragic story! I wish life was easier for you!

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a type of therapy that helps the brain to process trauma and events that we have had to deal with that we normally can not deal with on our own.

You can't just leave it up to medication. I think you should still probably be on something but you ALSO need to consider a type of therapy that is going to work for you. Seek out a counselor that offers EMDR. There has been real proof that EMDR does process the events, helping us recover from the ordeals.

It will also be benefical to you if you find a church and become a member. Preferably one that has activites for teens. There you will meet people who can be helpful in many different ways as well as being spiritually supportive.

When you are ready for him, God is there, ready to help you through anything.

Best wishes and God bless.

Answer 5

theres a book that i think could help you. its called quit whining and its about how we as a people whine about every little thing we can think of. its a real good book and very enlightening. i would suggest that you take the time to read it and then hopefully move on and out of your depression. your depression is caused by all the medications you are or were taking. its caused by someone telling you that you have this or you have that and you believing their garbage. its caused by you not having any friends. you need to get off the computer and get out and be around people. if you dont know how to do that i suggest you volunteer at a hospital, nursing home, helping others. by helping others you are helping yourself and you will find so much more insight into your life and you will be amazed at how happy you really are and that your bogging your own self down by doing nothing but thinking negative thoughts. dont worry what other people say about you. you know inside who you are. so quit whining and do something.

Answer 6

Hi Kruger,
It is true that people with depression have a difficult life to live. But it is good that you know your problem. Many people with similar problems do not even know what they are suffering with. Life is not as easy as you think. At the same time you can make it beautiful if you want it to. It is all in your mind. I am sure that you cannot change the past. You have to live in the present and plan for the future. You have to accept what comes in your way. I can understand how you feel for what happened to your friend. It is very difficult to accept few situations. For what happened in the past you cannot do anything. And as far as your elders who are discouraging you, do not think about what they say to you. It is your life and you have to make it beautiful and I am sure you can make it. I know you could never forget what happened to your friend. Try to make new friends. Mix with new people. Make yourself busy with some useful work that would help you keep your mind away from your past. Do something creative. Make yourself a successful lady. Do this for your friend. Do something useful for your society. Let people know that your not a coward. Be brave and live.

Answer 7

It is not confusing at all. Please try to understand the pattern, its not life that holding us, its not that we hold the life, it is time that plays a major roll. Time is a continuous process and no one can stop it. Life is a journey of time and everything we get or do is for a limited time frame. Nothing is permanent. You can see it from another angle - Life is like a river, it starts from a source somewhere in the mountains (as our childhood) and flow with a speed(as our youth), and calm but deep in the plains ( like a mature man), very slow and scattered at the end near sea like delta (like a old man) and finally finish at the sea (like a dead man). At this point where all the rivers merged in to the sea, then it is not possible to differ that which river is where, everything is common and mixed in to one source only. Similarly is our life, we all mixed up to the eternal kingdom of GOD and no one can differentiate that who is Jack, who is Tom, who is Rose, who is who etc.

Answer 8

I was a lonner all through school, I went to home schooling as well. and my best friend died when i was 13 he was my dad.i also suffer from deppression, but i know my dad would have wanted me to live life to the fullest.

Answer 9

Hi,It sounds like U have a few problems, but not too bad that I think if U ask for GOD'S help that ALL your problems will go AWAY !! I am telling U what already worked 4 me. Please give it a try, go 2 this website too;www.teenhopenow.com...........

Answer 10

just keep trying different combinations of meds until you find one, its not your fault, its genetic and i guess you got it from your dad, and when your mom says that again you tell her well you married the dysfunctional man, and then stuck me with his genes. its nothing in your past its in your genes, chemical imbalances in your brain.find a group your age with similar problems and get with them and talk, im sure you can help each other to a large degree.