I recently met a wonderful man online and we have been talking quite often. We both acknowledged that we believe there is potential for more than just talking on line in the future, but we dont live awfully close to one another. We both agreed that we would take things slow, we are both very concerned about getting hurt, both have a hard time trusting people, and want to be as careful as we can. Our question is what can we do to keep our heads clear until we do decide to get together in real life, what kinds of things can we do to occupy that time, and should we discuss what happens if we do decide that our online chemistry is there in real life, or just cross that bridge if and when it happens?
2007-01-13 17:31:47 · 10 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I think it depends on how much time you want to wait before meeting. You can keep the amount of time you talk limited. You can try writing letters or reading books together. You can share what it is you struggle with in relationships so that you can come to a meeting of the minds before anything gets too much further along.
My mindset is usually that meetings should take place after both of you are comfortable and thinking that you want to take things further. That way you'll both be committed to the meeting and can figure out if the online world translates for you into the real world. If it does then you go on to the next meeting and the next before making a firm decision on relocating. But if you don't then the appeal of them without any of the real world hassles (snoring, incredibly picky or domineering, or minor things like leaving socks and shoes around) can be ignored and the relationship can take on a undeserved idealized state.
As for the cloudy heads thing--there has to be a fair amount of that in any relationship to overlook the annoying things our partners are going to do.
2007-01-13 17:41:00 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How far apart do you actually live? There's some distances that work, and some that do not. After 3 online relationships (1 was just a few nights) I know that a 12 hour drive is too far, 3 hours is manageable. 6 hours only works if you lived close enough together to form a real long term relationship first. My first relationship was 3 hours, and I drove to see him ever chance I got, and my pay from my then part-time job just coverered the gas, and I was living with my parents so no problem with bills. I moved in with him after 3 months. The 2nd one was a 12 hour drive, and I went and visited him for a few days but there was no way that kind of distance is workable. The 3rd was also 3 hours away (actually lived close to my parents' who I have moved away from 3 years prior lol), and after we both did the drive for a few months I moved back home with my parents, and then did an hour drive once a week to see him, before living with him a year and a half later. Now he's moved to Kentucky (6 hours) for work, and we see each other about once a month, but it's not so hard since we're already secure with each other and emotionally close.
Okay, so I'm rambling. What I'm saying is, if you can't see each other at LEAST every other week in the early stages, it's not a relationship worth pursuing. There's lots of guys out there who are just as good (although when you're in love it sure doesn't seem like anyone could be better ;D ). So if you're too far apart to see each other, it's better to part ways.
2007-01-14 01:41:49 · answer #2 · answered by T.M.Y. 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
We can all be eloquent online. I hope for your sake he's as nice in-person. Occupy yourself with the things that you have been. Nothing has really changed, except the possibility of meeting. One or both of you might chicken out and decide it's not such a great idea after all. Very often reality is less desirable than fantasy. And if the chemistry is as good as it is online, you'll know what to do automatically. Just be cautious.
2007-01-14 01:44:04 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
THINGS YOU SHOULD ALWAYS KNOW ABOUT AN ON LINE PERSON YOU WANT TO MEET.
1.Do you have his/her home phone number or the numbers of extended family members?
2. Are you sure he/she is using there real name?
3.Do you know if this person is married or not?
4.Have you seen him/her in pictures or cams?
5. Does he/she work?
6.Do they abuse drugs or alcohol?
7.Do they own a car and have valid DL?
8.Have you ever caught him/her lying about small things?
9.Have you got his real home address with street,town,city and zip?
10.Are you sure of the others sexual history?
The are things that you should ask and check into very close and dont meet unless you are SURE.GOOD LUCK
2007-01-14 01:42:53 · answer #4 · answered by Gracie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's good to take it slow and see what happens. You two sound very mature. I think the topic of meeting will come up when the time is right. Just see what happens. : }
2007-01-14 01:35:22 · answer #5 · answered by ( Kelly ) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how much can u trust..if u dont see each other? you should try to arrange a meeting to see if it actually works in person...becuase people may act differently online
2007-01-14 01:36:02 · answer #6 · answered by Millennials' Planning Program Consultant 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'd see what you think of each other after seeing what each both "actually" looks like!
2007-01-14 01:35:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
have u ever met him b4? b/c if not he could be lieing about everything and he could be a rapist 4 all u no
2007-01-14 01:36:09 · answer #8 · answered by sems48 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
do a background check on him
2007-01-14 01:59:47 · answer #9 · answered by Akela 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just wait
2007-01-14 01:42:37 · answer #10 · answered by joe v 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋