What do you think of an ex who uses their child to....?

Question

manipulate the other parents life? What I mean is an ex who would tell the child they have no responsibility while the other parent is trying to instill a sense of self-worth and self respect by having the child (age 10) do little things to care for him/herself such as keep their room clean, shower regularly, and slight chores around the house in which they get an allowance for as well as making sure their school assignments are done. Pretty much what ever the main custodial parent tries to accomplish the ex contradicts, even if what the main custodial parent is doing might be good for the child. This also includes scouting, the ex tells the child that it is no good for them and now the child doesn't enjoy going anymore.

Answer 1

I am assuming that you are the custodial parent. He isn't doing it to help your child or hurt your child he is doing it to get to you. You need to speak with a social services worker I'd say an let them know what is going on and that you think it's be good if you could get the ex to go to counseling or something becaue its not healthy for the child. The ex seems to be taking the child backwards. Your child needs to learn life skills and to clean up after himself reguardless and I am sure he still has fun. I mean what are kids supposed to stop goign to school because it's not fun? That isn't an option and they'd never learn. Good luck with your situation.

Answer 2

There isn't a lot you can do except keep the communication lines open with your child. Even though the child is only 10 yrs old, that is old enough to understand some things. Try to explain why you do things differently. Just don't ever give up trying, because the day will come when he will understand the things you did were right and the things the other parent did were wrong. All you can do is set a good example and be a good role model. As far as your question about the other parent goes, they obviously are very confused, messed up, angry, and doesn't care how much they hurt their child to get even with you. One day your child will understand that also.

Answer 3

First of all, I don't beleive in giving an allowance, I don't think a child should be paid to live at home, I am also not a stickler about keeping a room "clean". I learned a long time ago that insisting on a "spotless" room wasn't teaching my daughter anything other than how to get the vein in my forehead to stand out...I learned how to shut her bedroom door. Also by the time my daughter was in the third grade her homework and whether she did it or not was HER responsiblity. I already did my time in elementary school and it was not MY responsilbity to do her homework or to MAKE her do hers She learned responsiblity by her own actions when she had to face the consequences of those actions. When she failed highschool and found out how difficult it was to get into college, and get a job she returned to get her GED, passed in two months, with a straight 3.5 average, got her diploma enrolled in college where, for the past two years she has maintained a 4.0 gpa. She also works part time and sits on city council, she took over the position tempoarily because she was ASKED by the "powers that be" in City Hall if she would do so. She is also putting together her own business and working on getting it off the ground. She lives with me, pays half of the rent and "household" bills, owns her own car, pays her own car insurance and has her own bank account as well as a short term CD that she puts money into so that when she goes on vacation she will have extra to spend. She was taught at a very early age that she has choices...of course those choices good or bad come with consequences...good and bad and she was taught that she had to face whatever consequences came her way. If her homework wasn't done, or SHE didn't study SHE didn't pass HER exams. If her room wasn't clean SHE would be the one tripping over stuff trying to get in and out of the bedroom, trying to find the bed to sleep in etc. She didn't need to get paid to do small chores around the house because as a part of the FAMILY she was expected to chip in for the good of the FAMILY just like mom and dad. I didn't get paid for doing the laundry, the cooking and the cleaning, her father didn't get paid for mowing the lawn, taking care of the cars, so there was no reason for HER to be paid either.

Answer 4

you must make your child understand whos in charge when he/she is in your home you cant change somone elses opinon (ex) just go about it the right way and everyon will get along you should never try and keep your children from the other parent it doesnt matter what they have done to you as long as they show love and afection to the child nothing else matter because what will you tll them when they turn teenagers and ask why they wernt allowed to see there mom or dad, and if the reason is stupid they my end up with a grudged on you. like i said you hav to mak your child know you are still the parent and when h/ she is at your house they must follow your rules, it will be hard at first but in th long run your child will respect you

Answer 5

Some ex's just do this to get to the other parent because they are too stupid to see that really the only one they are hurting is the child. My ex does the same crap, nothing you can really do about it just keep your child doing these things even going to scouts, the child will start liking these things. Just hang in there these issues are very common.

Answer 6

It is done over and over and it is a very sad situation. You continue to instill the responsibilities in your child, no matter what your ex says to him. Continue to explain that you are doing this for him so that he grow up and be anything he wants to be. You are doing a good job, so don't let this ex ruin things for you. You are a winner.

Answer 7

Sad, but fact of life nonetheless. I met something similar with my ex and my children. Fortunately, she acted so silly that even the children could see this was leading nowhere. You might want to trust your child in being smart enough to see what's best for him/her. The worst thing to do is to try and oppose openly the other parent's manipulations.

Answer 8

what do I think? an ex who uses their child like that is very immature.

I wish I had some advice for you ... but I really can't offer any. Are you able to (calmly) talk with the ex about this?

Answer 9

I'm in the same boat, unfortunately we have proven her unfit, social services agree he needs to be removed and placed in our care but our court system feels she deserves another (3rd) chance, ggrrr GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 10

Your x sounds atrocious. You need to get an attorney and try to reduce the time he spends with the x.