Who should back down over the cat?

Question

I got a kitten from the vets about a year ago and she had been picked up out of the gutter beaten and scared and the vet was desperately trying to find a home so he didnt have to put her down. I took her home and slowly she came good until 1 day my husband caught her on the kitchen table eating out of my daughters discarded cereal bowl. He chased her around the house and scared the crap out of her and we nearly broke up over it. Well now she has had kittens and I want to find them and bring them in until they are old enough to go to new homes. He on the other hand doesnt want me to and this is causing a big problem. As far as I am concerned it is my fault she got pregnant. I didnt want to stress her out so didnt take her for the opp. I dont believe in cruelty to animals and I want to be true to myself and I said if he touched her I would leave. Am I being a *****? He wants to have her put down. She is a crazy wild cat but I cant think of her being hurt.

Answer 1

wow... I totally understand... you must NOT back down about the cat - you'll end up with a heavy burden in your heart and forever resent not only your husband but also your weakness.

My other concern is that you and your husband have totally different values and this will always be a source of disharmony in your home. He cannot force his values ("animals are of no account) on you becuase you obviously care for animals. And you cannot force your values on him if he simply cannot "get it" (some people are like that).

Answer 2

I have the feeling that you are a stronger person than your husband in many ways. Maybe you are stronger than you think. I have the feeling that you are capable of laying down the law when you feel strongly about something. Find the kittens and bring them in. Tell your husband - "This is how it's going to be. We will find homes for the kittens. We will have the mother cat spayed as soon as possible. I hope you are ok with this - and I will try to make it easier for you any way I can. We will not be having any cats put down." Good luck.

Answer 3

Thank you for taking in the cat that was good to do. Not sorry to say your husband is the one who should be put outside and the mamma and her kittens brought inside. He sounds like a cruel, heartless person. Did he chase after your daughter too for leaving the bowl on the table? A sharp NO was all that was needed for the cat. Your not a *****, just a caring person who is right. You have great care and compasion for her, he has NONE!!! By adopting the cat, she became your baby. You didn't say where you live, but reguardless she and here babies belong inside. the babies will be ready for new home at 8 weeks old - no younger. Mamma should not bet let out during this time at all, she can breed again after just 4 weeks. At about 6 weeks after having them she can be fixed. Kittens are usually weaned and eating food by this time. I'm glad to hear you take responsibility for your cat getting pregnant, be sure and keep the appointment next time. Having babies is more stressful then being fixed. I have 14 cats and only 3 are waiting to be fixed next month, the rest were fixed years ago. These 3 are rescues themselves. In my opinion putting her down is not an option here ( putting him down , well...)
I've taken in "wild" cats myself and they can learn to be indoors with time. Consider a large pet cage for her and the babies she will feel safer. We use one for large dogs for ours when they are sick or injured. It's a safe place for them, with enough room for food, water and pan. I got the bowls that hook onto the cage side to help keep litter out of food and water. Just put a large towel on the bottom and your set. Ask your husband about that idea. He might like it if she's confined to one place and not running abut the house or getting on the table.

Answer 4

Hello, I have to say that how a man treats animals is a good sign of their true character. Now, I don't know your husband and I am just going on what you have told us, but I think he has a few flaws. Everybody has flaws, but this attitude is being passed on to your daughter and seeing as how most women marry men like their fathers (I sure did) I would be concerned. I don't think the cat should be put down, but she does need to get spayed as soon as she's done nursing. Make the appointment now. As for your husband, I already said that I don't know much else about him, but he really needs help. People who abuse animals have deeper problems. It sounds like he's not the one who would be up for counselling, but a way you could get to him would most likely be through you and your daughter. I would suggest you tell him that you are going to FAMILY counselling or you will leave him. This should be the first step in improving the home for you and your daughter. I am a HUGE animal rights advocate, Member of the ASPCA and Humane Society, but I think you need to really focus on what this is doing to your daughter! Don't let him touch the cat and stick to your ground! I am worried though that if you don't do something soon that you or your daughter may be next. PLEASE seek help for your family! Keep us posted and if you need anything let us know! Good luck to you and God Bless!

Answer 5

Getting a cat spade is not inhumane. The treatment is relatively simple. My advice would be to compromise with your husband. Take the kittens in now but find a humane society to take them soon. Many humane societies have foster parents better equipped to care for young kittens. Then in a few weeks get your cat spade so this doesn't happen again.

Answer 6

There are studies that show that men that are cruel to animals are also often cruel to other humans. I could not stand being with the sort of guy that would chase a previously abused kitten around or would demand you get cats euthanised. Sounds like a psycho control freak to me who is probably even jealous of the attention you give the cats. Please get rid of him...he sounds cruel & dangerous. It sounds to me like your heart tells you something is wrong with the guy, that's why you almost broke up last time he behaved like a jealous idiot towards an abused kitten.

Answer 7

i say a compromise. give her a few more weeks. see if she improves. the compromise on his side is that he has to be tolerant and loving to her. if he shows her anger, then she will slip right back to being feral.
If, after a month or so, she is still feral and not fine in the house, put her up on a "Freecycle" list. (ask around with your friends. freecycle works in most towns and cities. basically if you need something, and someone has it extra, they give it to you for free. in the same way, you would give the cat for free.) if there aren't any takers, take her to the humane socieity, or a similar shelter (you can find their addresses in your area at www.petfinder.com ) and hope that she is adopted by a loving family that can handle her being feral.

Answer 8

I think your husband was definitely in the wrong scaring a little defenseless cat like that, especially because of her past abuse. He needs to calm down. It's not like the cat bit him or something. I think him even suggesting you put the cat down (instead of finding her another good home) is a red flag.

Answer 9

I think you are right. Especially about the kittens. A while ago I had a friend who's cat would have kittens and they never paid much attention to the kittens or the momma cat, both litters of kittens died. When I got the cat I paid attention to her and i beieve she felt secure in my household and when she had a litter of kittens on our house all of them survived.

Answer 10

Whatever your issues are with these cats, you are definitely not justified in getting a divorce or leaving your husband. If your husband is physically or emotionally abusive towards your children then that's a different story. I'm sorry, but cats are not the same as human children. On the other hand, he is also not justified in having the cat put down without discussing with you thoroughly, negotiating, and trying to come to an agreement or understanding.

You shouldn't be unnecessarily cruel to animals, but it's not unnecessarily cruel to have them spayed or neutered, which you definitely should have done, and you should do now if you keep them. I wouldn't want to have her put down, but you have to discuss everything rationally with your husband, and perhaps suggest a few other alternatives. You both have to compromise, and the bigger person may have to compromise more.