Why is it that when people have children......?

Question

they don't always put them first? Every decision I make is based upon how it would affect my children, my ex on the other hand, I don't know what's going through his head. He's so hurtful towards my son, so negative, so neglectful. They were out and about today and they didn't stop for my son to use the bathroom so he had an accident. My ex informs me of this tonight and orders me to bring over a change of clothes for him or he's going to send him (our son) out in the the cold (where we are at it's 40 degrees) in shorts. He tells me it will be my fault when he's sick because I refused to bring clothes over for him to change into. It's true though, I don't send clothes over but it's only because he never returns the spares and I can't afford to replace what he doesn't feel like giving back. If I did send clothes eventually my son would have nothing to where to school. The worst is he has a washer and dryer so he could just wash the clothes for him (our son) to wear.

He said he couldn't wash them initially because he didn't have a washer but our son corrected him. He then changed it to he only does laundry on Sunday and it's not his responsibility to make sure our son has clean clothes.

I am receiving support but not much and unfortunately there is a court order that mandates visits. I contacted Children and Youth and a lawyer but unfortunately with our any sign of physical abuse this could drag out for years. I just asked this question because I am becoming physically, mentally, and emotionally worn out by the whole ordeal. I feel like the world's worst mother because I can't protect my own child without putting him in more jeopardy. The judge pretty much told me I'm just being spiteful and never mind my ex initially wanted our son aborted and then abandoned him for the first 7 years of his life.

My son is seeing a counselor outside of school and is in anger managerment therapy in school. Needless to say, he has some aggression issues that stem not only from his father but also from school.

Answer 1

Well, I can see why this guy is your EX! Some people just don't have the instincts to be parents. If he's paying you child support, maybe he resents your son for it. Maybe you should talk to child services about his actions - threatening to put your son out in 40 degree weather!

Answer 2

The counselling will help when you take him back to court. Keep a diary of all incidences. Why not go to the op shop and get some nice second hand clothes and always send him in these with a change of clothes also from second hand. That way if he keeps the stuff you will not be out of pocket much and then there will always be a spare pair there from the ones he kept. It's stories like this that make me glad my kids don't have a father. They are happy in a stable environment. I hope your son has this too one day. Good luck

Answer 3

Your ex is an a**hole and always will be. By ordering you to bring clothes, he is still controlling you through your son. go to a Thrift Store and buy a couple of outfits and send them over.Nothing you say or do will change him. You need to address the mental abuse your son is exposed to. Get him to a counselor (check with your school if he is in one). You need to counteract what your son is hearing. You might even be able to affect some changes in the visitation. If your ex is so mean as to not stop to allow your son to use the bathroom, this is abuse and must be stopped. Good luck!

Answer 4

You might tactfully suggest that your 'ex' read the following ...

HELP Your Children to Thrive! :
~ Harsh Words, Crushed Spirits
~ Parents Under Pressure
~ Help Your Children to Thrive
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/8/8/article_01.htm

The Problems of Children ... :
- An Ongoing Search for Solutions
- Children Deserve to be Wanted and Loved
- The Solution at Last!
- Help for Young People
- The UN Declaration of the Rights of the Child
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2000/12/8/article_01.htm

... or, at least share the info with your lawyer, & others you seek help from. Another option might be to get find a lawyer willing to pursue a charge of emotional neglect/abuse of your son.
Put a recorder on your phone & record your conversations. Even IF not admissable in court, they could be very motivational to your lawyer!

Protect Your Children!
- Your Child Is in Danger!
- How Can We Protect Our Children?
- Prevention in the Home
- Common Misconceptions
- If Your Child Is Abused
http://watchtower.org/library/g/1993/10/8a/article_01.htm

CHILD CUSTODY--What Is the Balanced View? :
~ What Is in the Child's Best Interests?
~ Child Custody--Religion and the Law
~ Child Custody--A Balanced View
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/1997/12/8/article_01.htm


(These URLs will likely change soon, after which each sub-title can be entered in the Advanced Search engine at : http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm , which will give you links with modified URLs.)

Answer 5

I would take your son a change of clothes put him in the car and take him home. You are only doing more damage to your son by leaving him there with that asshole...(sorry for the language) But when it comes to kids I can't help it. If he could put him in the cold all wet he does not deserve to have your son. Go and get him and bring him home for some love that all children need. His father I would tell him to get f*****d and since he really doesn't give you money anyway he doesn't deserve the right to see him.

Answer 6

My Son Says your EX is a cruel Cruel Self Centered '' B Word ''
Also If the Kid doesn't wanna Go their the court order will Stand
like a sand Castle In a 700 Foot Tsunami
Also My son Went to Anger Management at school, Turned out they restrained him when he was having a seizure which turned out to be
epilepsy we go about 100,000 Dollars from the hicks
But used the money to help fix the schools roof

Answer 7

I've heard similar stories elsewhere so yours is not an exception.

My guess is because people have children for all the wrong reasons anyways. Children should be loved, most of them are not.

Spoiling a child is not love. Neglecting a child is not love.

And saying that "Because I want a child" is not good enough nowadays on this already overcrowded planet. That excuse won't cut it.


Having and raising a child is a responsibility, it is not an entitlement.

I guess too many "adults" think they are entitled to have a child nowadays.

Hope that answers your question.

Answer 8

You have a problem! It isn't your ex it's you. If you put your child first he wouldn't be going threw this. I'm sorry. My ex and his girlfriend pulled this crap on me to. I took his *** to court. I will not put my kids threw that. My ex does not care about his kids at all. He was using them to upset me. He was all drugged up one night and my oldest called me and said that his dad had a bunch of friends over drinking and watching porn! Great dad. I took the kids and told him over my dead body will he ever see them again. He said he was taking me to court. Well I took him to court. He isn't allowed to see the kids or talk to them. Everytime my kids came back from his place they were dirty and they smelled. Your ex said he was going to put your son outside in the cold. That's child abuse. If you thought that he really was going to do it then you should have called the cops or let him do it and drove by his place to see if he really was going to do it. Chances are he wasn't. He just knows how to push your buttons. If he would have done it, then I would have grabbed my son and went to the police station about it. It's never going to get better. Do something about this. I finally did. My ex hasn't seen the kids in 2 years. My kids are happy they are with me and that I don't send them back. Kids don't always need 2 parents. My ex's drugs and friends were more important then our kids. He made his choice. Do what you can to get this straightened out for your kids sake. He doesn't need an *** for a dad.Your ex is going to damage that poor kid. Just always be there for him.

Answer 9

How old is your son??? This is pretty sad. You should ask your son how he feels about being with your ex. You should always make him feel important to you even if his dad doesn't. A kid is a gift from God and we should always love them and take care of them. It is not the children's fault for the parents problems and they should always feel loved. Don't let him be mean to your son because everything that happends to him is going to affect him if it is for good or bad. If your ex doen't treat him right, your son is going to always remember that and is going to be your ex's lost when your son doent want to have anything to do with him. You make sure he is happy and that he feels loved.

Answer 10

Hire a lawyer and file suit to temporarily remove his parental rights until he completes parenting classes!!! and if you can't afford a lawyer call CPS!!!!!!!! It sounds like your son is severly neglected!!! And if something were o happen to him you would also be to blame because you know what is going on over there!

So protect your son and yourself and get him out of the situation but do it legally! Hopefully your ex will learn something out of this and be a better parent!