We live together day in and day out.. We used to have everything in common...Now I feel so distant from her.I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety and its taken a toll on our relationship.I don't think that she really is all that interested in me anymore..Day after day and night after night she is doing other things and has told me things that upset her because she doesn't understand the feelings I have ..She has hurt me and made me feel bad and like she isnt interested anymore.I feel like im alone and deserted and feel like I really got sick I would totally be alone .. I don't feel that happiness between us anymore.. and we are just existing together..What should I do?I just feel like im existing now and nothing really matters anymore..Should I just be content or should I leave and let her alone..or what?She now is showing interest in things she never has before...Am I just feeling this or could things be the way that I perceive them to be and she just isn't with me anymore here
2007-01-13 15:28:29 · 11 answers · asked by Will T 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
When you are depressed, we take it out on the ones "closet to us" and usually means the ones we are married to. I am on medication for depression, myself, and frankly, I have felt some of the same feelings myself about my own marriage, and my husband has felt some of these feelings as well. But, we have been married for 20, togethr for 21, and I can't imagine my life without my husband, no matter what feelings I have.
The Bible says you are married to your mate until "death do you part." That is a good thing, but it means that sometimes we have to work harder to keep that bond between us. And esp. when we are depressed. WE are suffering on the inside, and it is very hard to feel any thing "good" about what is going on on the outside, and esp. if it concerns someone else. When we are depressed, we become selfish people, and think the whole world is against us, and no one really wants me around any more, and we tend to sit on the pity pot! and feel sorry for ourselves.
Even on medication, we still have to work with the medication. When was the last time you asked your wife if you could join her in what she was doing? When was the last time "you put HER interest above your own"? The medication by itself is not going to magically help us feel better, there is no pill like that!
It's like giving someone a match, they go in a darkened room, and then get scared of the dark, but don't light the match, and then cry because of being afraid of the dark! We depressed people are like that sometimes.
Talk with your wife, and find out WHAT YOU CAN DO to HELP HER? Quit thinking about what She should be doing for you all the time, and do for her for once!
2007-01-13 15:58:28 · answer #1 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's sounds like you're going through a rough place! It's going to be a lot of work, but you CAN get through this. Every marriage goes through a period where the spouses feel like they're no longer in love. You just have to hold tight, believe in the marriage, and wait for these feelings to pass. You can do it! Just always remember that there is a reason you two married each other!
In the meantime, you should talk with a marriage counselor to help you two along and to make the path back to love a little easier. You should also be getting therapy to help you get past your depression. As long as you're depressed, you will have a very hard time feeling happy and in love again. When you're feeling bad, just remember that being depressed is not your fault and it has nothing to do with your wife; it is just a disease that needs to be cured. Remember that no one is to blame, and you've just got to work with your doctor and hold out until you're healthy again.
Best of luck!
2007-01-13 23:47:16 · answer #2 · answered by Halley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to show her this, to show her how you feel a lot of the cause is probably due to your depression and anxiety and once you fix them you'll probably have the same old feeling for her again, go to the doctor talk to her get on some medication and try rekindling old love with a romantic night somewhere other than at home you don't want to lose your marriage due to something thats not you like depression and anxiety things that can be fixed with medication.
2007-01-14 00:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend getting some reading material for your wife. Maybe if she reads about depression and how it affects everyone involved, she will have an understanding for what you are experiencing. Also, couples counseling is a good idea if you want to save the relationship. Communication is sooo important. Medication may be helpful if you're not already on it.
2007-01-13 23:38:32 · answer #4 · answered by traci h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She has to deal with a lot because of your issues. I don't say that in a negative way. I mean, there is a lot of "negative" (for lack of a better term) in her dealings with you. You gotta find a way to balance that out with more positive stuff. Calling her at work just to talk about HER day. Flowers, candy. Think back to what you did when you first started dating for inspiration.
When dealing with depression, it sort of becomes bigger than life and it begins to take over. It will help you get over a bit of your depression if you stop focusing your energy on that and focus more on her. It's really a win-win for both of you.
2007-01-13 23:39:37 · answer #5 · answered by plant a tree 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is just a little busy
sometimes i get the same way.but i really would lose it without my guy. have you tried talking to her to let her know how you are feeling you should be as open as possible to her.open communication is the best thing in a relationships.
2007-01-13 23:36:39 · answer #6 · answered by Brittany19 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a counselor....it's not going to get any easier....soon you will start to resent each other....then hate sets in...at that point it's too late.
You really have to be in pain to discuss something of that major of a deal in yahoo answers...do you go to a church together? the reason I asked talk to you minister. you need an impartial voice to hear your fears and pains....Are you close to her family? Is she close to yours? I'm trying to help you find a common ground..dude I'll be praying for you.
2007-01-13 23:37:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to your therapist. This forum is the wrong place to ask for answers to your situation. Learning life skills of moderating thinking and new cognitive patterns is the answer you should be seeking.
2007-01-13 23:34:38 · answer #8 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Every couple falls in and out of love from time to time. It's your job and hers to work it out. I know you still love her and she still Love's you , Sit down and talk to each other about how you two feel about one-another. Work through it, don't do something that both of you will regret..I hope this work for you both.Good luck.......
2007-01-13 23:49:55 · answer #9 · answered by Lea, 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should ask her about it cause if she was really the woman you married and the whole 'through sickness and in health' bit then she should have more concern for you and not other things but dont jump to conclusions until you have ALL the details and facts.
2007-01-13 23:35:28 · answer #10 · answered by Ky_bello 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋