why do they have to tell me how to raise my kids??

Question

My older sister had her son and for the first five years of his life was constantly going out, and going to work, and my mom was the one who did most of the raising for her, now my little sister is pretty much doing the same. I on the other hand believe that ifyou have the kids, you need to be the one to take care of them. I have two children, 3 and 1. Iive pretty far away from my family, and i do a pretty good job of raising my kids with my husband. My neice and nephews get away wit alot of stuff, as well as getting almost anything they want so they dont cry. I dont treat my children like that and i dont coddle them when they cry for no reason. but when i come and visit i always get into an argument about why i wont let my son have juice after 6pm, or why i wont let him have cookies for breakfast. Or weather or not i should go running to my daughter when she gets mad about the fact that the toy she had isnt in the right position. i dont want to stop coming over, what can i do?

Answer 1

explain these are your rules and if they keep questioning everything you won't be able to come over as much....or you could lighten up a little when there and allow juice as a compromise. I agree, why on earth should kids have biscuits for breakfast? Is the fact that childhood obesity is going to kill this generation before their parents not making an impact on your sisters? Also if your daughter has a temper tantrum over a toy, she can learn to deal with it herself. Explain that as an adult your daughter is not going to rely on others to fix her problems as you are teaching her as a child to fix her own problems. You are doing a good job and this will show when their all teenagers and yours are doing a lot better than hers

Answer 2

I am a new mother I have a 20 month old daughter. I was constantly having these battles with my family, so I told them, I don't want to stop seeing my family, but I will not sit here and be criticized and questioned about my parenting, so it has to stop or I will stop coming around. It quickly changed their tune.

As much as you may want to if you do talk to them, don't bring up your sister's parenting or kids, because it will make you sound the same way they do. Focus on your self and your children and don't compare your sisters or their children when you discuss this with your parents. Stand your ground. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world and you know that you are doing a good job. Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

I know how you feel . I suggest you just kindly letting them know that you intend to raise your child the way you want and in return you won't judge them for how they raise theirs. It is a dangerous world and the spoiled kids grow up to be spoiled adults with emotional problems. I haven't met one yet that has not grown up that way without someone disciplining them. Your sisters lack of discipline comes from nothing but laziness. she would rather hush her child to calm her own nerves than teach her child the difficult things that life has to offer, such as you can't always get what you want. The sad thing is when her son is an adult, I guarantee she will blame his wife or girlfriend for any of his problems and when he fails to work hard and support his future family or developes some unhealthy habits she will still be bailing him out and feeding his bad habits and wondering why he is the way he is. All the while you can take comfort in the fact that your children will have healthy habits and can stand on their own two feet.

Answer 4

Well, I know how you feel because my mom has the same problem about it with my father's family and she keeps having trouble with them, you can talk to them and tell them that you are responsible for your kids and that if they could just stop doing that because you didn't criticize them when they were raising their children,you could also tell them that they are hurting your kids (does hurt believe me!!) because they are actually comparing them, also that you only want the best for your kids, and you are trying your best to make them the best(not spoiled) you should also try to have a great relationship with your kids since now( I mean while they are still kids) so they don't complain, and so they know that they can count on you always (I'm 13 and my mom is my bf, all my friends envy me ha!!) and not to fight with your family,also try giving them SOME reasons, like for ex. why you don't let your children eat cookies for breakfast, it's not healthy, and don't feel guilty, my mom did'nt coodle me when I was crying for nothing, not to brag I'm first of class,have won spelling bee and singing competition(1st and 3d place)and mostly I'm not spoiled so I hear from my dad that most of his friends find us pleasant kids=) hope this helps you!

Answer 5

I'm in the same boat you are. Everyone in my family tells me what to do with my kids. It drives me crazy! My mom and dad really didn't do a good job with my brother and I. So now that I have kids and so does my brother they think they know everything. When I get after my kids my mom gets after me in front of them. Telling me I was to harsh or just let them have what they wanted.My family doesn't do it so much to my brother anymore because he finally stood up to them. I have too. I love my family, but they need to realize that my kids are just that, mine.You need to do the same. Stand up to them. Make them understand that they may not like your rules or agree with your decision, but they have to stand by you. See if you can sit down and talk about it. If they still don't like the way you handle your kids, then do what I have done. Cut them out of your life until they take you seriously. My family finally came around. It just might work. They need to back off. Kids need rules. They also need to know they can't always have there way. They don't grow up learning anything that way.

Answer 6

Its really hard to say . But please dont make the mistake my sisters & i have. There were four of us & we were close as kids but as we grew older we grew away from each other. for a few years we were devided by twos with one sister & myself & the other two . But now were all in our 50s & 60s & we are alldistant. Differences first started between our children and as years went by it was husbands and now beliefs. Try to work it out now.
Maybe you could work out some time when you both can visit with each other without your children around?

Answer 7

When I am lucky enough to be a grandparent I am going to spoil my grandchildren rotten. That is my job. If they want cookies for breakfast ...cookies it is! I know this will cause a few problems but we will get through them because I love my children and there children are just another extension of them. Let your kids enjoy being with their grandparents. You never know how long they will have that privilege. You should be glad they have them.

Answer 8

When you are an active, good parent, virtually everything you do will make the people observing you feel bad about themselves. To protect themselves from the bad feelings, they attack or criticize you.

It's also hard when you're very fussy about food intake and that interferes with other people's normal ways of showing affection. You can loosen up in that area, probably.

One and three year olds ought to be cuddled and coddled and taken care of when they cry. If you're my sister and you're letting my niece cry, it will hurt me and I will comfort her or say something. That's family and that's how it should be.

Since you know you're a good mom, toughen up, smile, say thanks for the input, say I'll think about that, say "oh'that's so interesting' and move on in your mind. since you don't want to stop coming over.

Answer 9

If I was you when you go over again, make sure you let them know that you are doing what you feel is right, and that your child is not being abused, let them know you love them and respect them however that is your child and your business and you feel they should respect you to make the best decisions for your family so please leave the parenting up to you. When you need or want advice you will ask for, but as for right now its not the time to tell you what and how they feel if you are being a good parent or not. Maybbe write a letter to your mom.

Answer 10

I would just explain to them that you have diffrent parenting styles. My parents always got my son dunkin dounts for breakfast, oh that used to get me so mad! He would be wound for the whole day! My parents to always wanted me to codel my son when i thought he was just throwing a fit. Like when he would not want to lay down for a nap. I finally just told them i am his parent and the decisions are mine to make. Whether it made them mad or not. Good luck and jsut be honest. Tell them if they cant obey your rules you will just have to stop coming over. Or have them come visit at your house, you have alot more control in your own home.