boyfriend advise please!?

Question

he keeps blowing me off. today he did it for probably the 78th time. so i finally just got pissed and told him i was very irritated he kept blowing me off, keeping me thinking, he's going to come see me, then on the last min. change his mind.

for example. we had plans for new years for weeks. but i cant get a hold of him. i call and call. thenhe finall calls me back and says he isnt coming over, hes playing a show, and its in 2 hours.

i know he isnt blowing me off b/c im a crazy *****, clingy, and he wnts to break up with me. he tells me al the time, how great i am, and how much he loves me.

then why is he doing this? what can i do to get him to see how much its hurting me, escpecially now, when i need him most...?
anything please.

Answer 1

Blow him off for good. He does not deserve someone as nice and special as you.

Answer 2

THERE IS 3 REASONS WHY HE BLOWS YOU OFF, ONE IS HES SEEING SOMEONE ELSE, TWO HE THINKS UR CLINGY AND EVERYTHING ELSE, AND HE DOESNT WANT TO HURT YOU EVEN THOUGH HE IS, THREE HE WANTS TO SPEND TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS MORE THAN YOU AND DOESNT WANT HIS FRIENDS KNOWING ABOUT YOU. IF I WERE YOU FIND A MAN WHO WANTS TO BE WITH YOU AND NOT BLOW YOU OFF

Answer 3

he may be planning something special 4 u and him, and dosn't want u to know untill it happends

Answer 4

u should sit down and talk to him, or come to him even though he says he cant hang

Answer 5

I am sorry you have apparently suffered through a lot of bad treatment.

I can honestly say that many men are crumbs until they reach their mid thirtees. They play games like crazy, lie, cheat, etc. Some never change. As they mature, some realize people are dying in their families, their relationships haven't worked, they get sick of the bars, the girls they used to pick up think they are too old, their jobs suck.

Some even make amends to those they had hurt, or else, do some kind of service to feel that they are not just takers. Many then start to consider marriage, if for no other reason than they see themselves losing hair, developing gray and wrinkles, getting fired, feeling unsatisfied at work, etc.

I am a former NYC teacher, who used to tell his high school female students to make something of themselves and not to rely on a man to bring hapiness. The divorce rate is over 50 percent failure in the USA for first time marriages, over seventy percent failure rate for second time marriages.

If you read this board looking for a relationship that can work, and go out with those who are looking, you are asking for trouble. You MUST develop yourself to the fullest, define what makes you tick and passionate, and you must become extremely successful in your career.

People are selfish, arrogant, and delusional.

It is only when your career is in full swing and you are really making a greater success of yourself that the right people show up. Bars bring on alcoholic irresponsible jerks. Clubs too. A great dancer and the right lines do not mean love and successful marriages. Do not mix up great sex with love either. They are two distinct and separate entities. Sex is to reproduce the species only. It is not love. Love is something else. Sex can improve with real love and intimacy. If you are in lust, it is not love. If someone is bad to you, you do not want sex with them unless you are delusional and are using them too, or if you mistakingly think that a great orgasm will make the men stay or change. If you find yourself thinking about a man 100 percent of the time or close to it, he is NOT good for you. You will lose yourself in him. If you are a giver to the men you lust, then learn to be less available and more equality demanding. You have the right to be treated well and decently. That does not mean lavishly. It means honestly with respect. And it goes both ways.

If you are the type who takes crap from a man, stop taking crap early on, and you will avoid lots of pain.

I am long past my youth, very long indeed, and am telling you this based on years of experience with an abusive ex-wife. I have been happily divorced for 12 years and haven't spoken one word to her in 14 years. I was working, she brought other men in the family house while my kids were in school. I cooked, cleaned, did laundries, shopped, played piano, etc. I created Cinderella. We all do dumb things.

If you want more advice on specifics about how to make relationship work successfully, you can mail me, or go into workshops and seminars on the subject.

I think your choices of men are not good, that's all.

Do you go for glitz and the great dressers? Stop. Are you a caretaker type who rescues men? Stop that now. If you are a perfectionist who emotionally picks on a man, stop it now. If you always criticize a man for small things and he leaves you, stop it now. I know no specifics about your situation, but do know it takes two to tango.

Forget the multitude of books. They will mostly confuse you except the short Robert Johnson trio of books.

I have learned about boundaries. I have the feeling you know nothing about them. This is great to learn. There is a great book on the subject called Boundaries. It is a thick non-religious book on the subject, a soft cover, /Ph DO written. Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No is another great book.

I personally have done numerous workshops, read lots of self help books, been in therapy, etc. I have done EST, The Forum, etc. I think therapy was the biggest waste of time. Reading great books is therapy, because we learn about our own weaknesses and learn self improvement. I have learned it is not what we do but rahter, who we do it with. Stay away from destructive people, and that might sometimes mean family.

Having been a father at 29, I can only imagine your frustration. But it is noit too late. It depends on cutting out jerks early so as not to waste time on idiots . Also, it is cellar that if religion and color are important to you, you must examine what generates that consideration, when you consider we are all human.

Be clear that most middle eastern men, and that include Greek, Israeli, Egyptian, Iranian, Syrian, etc. often abuse women in general, because they still have a macho idea of self importance and domination. You must find an evolved man, one who can set boundaries with his family members and even can speak honestly of his shortcomings and how he is working on them. Also remember: Never believe what people say: Only judge people on their actions and deeds. If a man says he loves you and cheats, he does not love you. If a man never says he loves you but treats you well, he loves you. It is all about actions. YOU want a man who can walk equally with you and you with him, one who asks for advice, one who doesn't bottle up anger, and that goes both ways. Also, if you are selfish and materialistic, cut that out. No one wants a gold digger. Make something of yourself to get your own cash.

Also remember: no one is perfect.

Best of luck!