Spoiled or cherished?

Question

My daughter is almost 10. She's had a cell phone since she was 7. She has a PS2, 30" TV, TiVO, iPod and a computer (with internet connection, filtering software and keylogger) in her room. She picks her own clothes, has streaks in her hair (think Lindsey Lohan in Freaky Friday) and enjoys experimenting with makeup.

NOW... Before you brand me the evil parent here is what you should know. We study together every night, watch cartoons every morning, I never miss her sporting events or school functions, she has more friends than she can keep up with and she is a straight A student.

Also... Stuff means nothing to her. She regularly donates toys and clothes to the local homelss shelters. We even donate to the less fortunate on-line together. People are very important to her so it makes her sad when friends say she is spoiled.

She and I are doing this together (so watch your language please). What do you think? Is she spoiled or just dearly loved?

Answer 1

Based on the fact that you spend alot of time together and are posting this question together, I would say that she is dearly loved. You make time for one another, are very involved in her life and seem to care a great deal about her well-being, grades, social conscience and physical/mental/emotional needs. These are the things that show love for another, not the "things" you buy her. And fortunately, from the sounds of it, she knows this.

Is she spoiled? Perhaps. But isn't it better to think of it in terms of being "more fortunate"?! It sounds like your daughter is a very lucky girl! And not just because you are able to provide her with all of these benefits but because she seems to have a wonderful, loving and caring father!!! Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

At first i thought she was spoiled. Mainly because i didn't have any of that when i was 10, i didin't have a cell phone until 2 years ago lol. But she obviously has a good balance in her life, and you should be very proud of her compassion for those who are less fortunate than her. and in regards to her grades and studying schedule she's earnt the things that you have given her. she sounds like a beautiful (and dearly loved) child. You have to teach her not to care what her friends say. the point is that you and she know that she is not spoiled.

Answer 3

Definitely loved, definitely cherished, and definitely a little spoiled, just as my kids were when they were younger (and still are, as a matter of fact!). She sounds like a lovely young lady, and you sound like a great dad.

The only thing I can add, which may be the case but isn't mentioned, is that besides being given wonderful things that she appreciates, she should also be earning them. It's never too early to show kids that they have to work to have nice things (besides good grades), and it's good to be able to tell friends who say she's spoiled that she paid for or earned some of those things.

There will always be people who are jealous of what others have. As long as those who mean the most to us understand what's going on, that's really all that matters. :)

Answer 4

She isn't spoiled, while she is getting things that she wants she is also knowledgeable about other people that isn't as fortunate as she is. She thinks of them and gives donations so that goes to show that she cares for others also and a spoiled child only thinks of themselves and always in need of more things. And they then value their self-worth on how much stuff the can accumulate in their live. And will always brag to their friends how much stuff they have and it is better than the others and what they are going to get. Eventually after several years become the kid that has the parent catering to their every demand.

Answer 5

Dearly loved.What more would a parent want then a straight A student and a thoughtful girl.I think she earns those things.But using make up and having highlights in her hair might harm her skin and her hair.And i think that her friends are kind of jealous.Jealousy can be the end of a friendship also.But don't worry if they think that she is spoiled,that means they are not her true friends.( I know from an experience)

Answer 6

Very dearly loved. I don't know about the cellphone since 7 thing. Im 14 and I don't need mine at all. I have PS2 and an MP3, a laptop and a TV and no one considers me spoiled at all. I think it's great that you love each other like that really. It is very important. Overall, Dearly loved.

Answer 7

I think both, both loved and cherished, but she has her head on straight it sounds. I do think that earning money and paying for some of the toys, and stuff teaches her the realization that what you have someone had to work hard to get the money to pay for it. Also, you will be surprised how well the stuff gets taken care of when it is earned... My kids from 10 on have had cell phones. Yes they bought the phone, I pay the service, but nothing more. They want to text they pay, they want insurance on it, they pay... I collect... It also is a great way to get the chores done, the laundry the mopping and the bathrooms, I have three maids because the stuff they want so they have to pay.. Man do they have alot of stuff.

Answer 8

Unlike most people that say these things, you sound like you care deeply about your child and you do love her, but there are things that you can change.

Think about it, does a 10 year old need a cell phone? If her friends don't have it, who will she talk to? I understand if you live somewhere like New York, a cell phone is handy for emergencies. But if you live in a really safe neighborhood that is quiet and doesn't have a lot of people in it, does she really need that call phone?

You say she doesn't care about material possesions? So why give them to her? I am not saying don't ever give her gifts, but tell her something like, "If you really don't use this very much, we could sell it online and give the money to charity!"

I personally don't think any 10 year old needs that stuff, no matter how good her grades are.

Answer 9

I would say that fact that she has all that stuff at 9 years old--makes her spoiled. What is a 9 year old doing experimenting with makeup? She is too young to be doing stuff like that. Cherish her childlike qualities--don't encourage her to become an adult that young.

It's wonderful to see that you are very involved in her life. But it sounds to me like your daughter calls the shots when it comes to material things--she picks her own clothes--are they age appropriate? And streaking her hair--at first I thought she was a teenager until I reread your post. She is only 9 years old!! She isn't an adult yet--and shouldn't act like one.

I teach 6 year olds who sound a lot like your daughter and it makes me nervous at how desperately they want to act older than their age. What is your daughter going to want when she IS a teenager? Are you going to indulge in her materialism? And you said stuff means nothing to her---but she has all this stuff, so it obviously means something.

She seems to have a good heart--cultivate that part of her. Spend time with your daughter as you do ---but you don't have to lavish material things on her simply because you can or you think you should. Your daugther will remember the time you spent together more than the material things she accumulated.

Good luck!

Answer 10

I don't know, I wouldn't call her outright spoiled. I'm thinking more like Cher in the movie Clueless. She's somewhat spoiled, but she constantly helps those less fortunate. I think that as long as you have a strong presence in her life, and she knows the meaning of charity, having material things shouldn't bother her. I get why she's upset when kids call her spoiled; I used to have the same reaction when somebody called me spoiled. Tell her that girls like her and me, who have a lot of stuff and still give to others, are sensitive, mature, and very happy with our families are the smartest, sweetest girls.

good luck!