I have family problems.... please help me?

Question

Okay i dont live with my mom or dad.. i live with my aunt. Im really scared of my mom and i get sick everytime i see her. She is a drug user but she is at a rehab getting help... shes been in a rehab for 3 yrs. And soon she is comming out of the rehab. And im scared she is going to relaps! What do i do to help me calm my nerves?

Answer 1

make a special place where only you can be so you can go their when things get tough

Answer 2

Do you have a good relationship with your aunt? Sounds like you need a good mature friend to confide in. Having someone who knows how you are feeling and to give you support could help a lot. Your mom is probably going through a lot too though, and she's likely going to want to re-establish her relationship with you. How you react to that, and interact with her may have some bearing on whether she relapses or not. What I mean is, she's going to need support and love too, to stay on the right track. Try to be there for her, but don't get too close if things in the past give you reason to be scared of her.

Answer 3

Be there to support your mother so that she doesn't relapse. Part of the reason she was using is that she was unhappy. She was unhappy so she used more drugs and then it made her more unhappy... If you can help by being a good daughter and try to fix the relationship you have, she won't have any reason to use drugs ( at least not because of you). Part of what your mother's problem is that she feels that things are out of control. That things can't be fixed that they are so bad. If you think that your relationship with your mother is so bad that you are scared of her, your relationship has a real problem. If it is so bad that it is bothering you, YOU have to do something to fix it.Your mother is the only one you have, do what you have to do to help her. Don't listen to the others here who would tell you different, doing the right thing is always the right thing to do. If you are confused, talk to your Aunt. Things may take time. Tell your Aunt how you feel. It is hard not to know the future. It's even harder to feel powerlesss to change it. You have the power. You just have to do it.

Answer 4

Im sorry you have this problem. No matter what there is nothing you can do if she relapses. Its her decision. Sometimes people have to fall 1000 times to want to change, and sometimes they never do. ...its an addiction. Whatever happens, just know its not your fault. My father is an alcoholic....growing up...it terrified me...i thought about him getting into an accident, killing himself or someone else undeservingly so. But after so many times of being worried and getting, I got fed up and realized its his fate he chooses. YOu cant change an addict, they have to change for themselves. I would be sad if something happened but it doesn't comsume me the way it did when i was younger. I hop eyou are able to still live with your aunt, maybe its best that way, but you can still be available for emotional support for your mom now that she has done 3yrs in rehab. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

well, i see that you are worried and scared. i am not that sure to tell you how to calm your nerves, but try to relax. hang out with friends, watch tv, go shopping, watch a movie, just do something that you love. i know that it sounds scary and that you dont want your mom to have another rehab drug thingy, but just try to relax. if you believe in God, pray. even though you might not get the answers you want, at least he is there. or even talk to your best friend or friends. tell them how you feel. if you let someone else know what you are feeling, it feels that are burden is off your shoulders. just knowing that someone else is there for you, its great. or maybe find a group of people who have the same problems as you.

Answer 6

First, it is not your job to help your mother. Only your mother can help your mother by learning new coping skills and ways of acting and reacting in life. Whoever suggests that needs to hit an Al-Anon meeting or two, which is not a bad idea for you. It is a 12-step support group for friends and family members of addicts and alcoholics, whether they are sober or not. There you can learn to work toward forgivenss as well as turning fear over and not being imprisoned by the 'what-ifs' you are struggling with right now. Your post seems sad and hopeless in some ways. I pray you will find a way to feel safe, even if it means keeping distance between you and your mom until you can set solid, healthy boundaries. I laughed at the bubble bath post initially, even though I love bubble baths too, but now I realize it is important for you to begin to do nice things for yourself, without feeling guilty. You deserve to feel safe, secure, and loved. Look for ways to love yourself in healthy ways. The ideal thing would be to have a mother who has done those things for you, but because that is not your reality, give yourself permission to create your own sense of security, including people who love and support you with kindness, respect, and reliability. Your mom is not bad, she is sick, and she did things using she would never do sober. That may explain what has happened to some degree but does not excuse it. Please know you are worthy of happiness and deserve the chance to find it.

Answer 7

Have you spoken to ur aunt or dad about how you feel? you are not responsable for your mom as much as you love her she is the only one who can choose what path she wants to take. You could talk to her and tell how much you love her and want her to stay clean so you and her will have a life together but only she can make those decissions. Just support her the best you can. I wish you all the best and when things get too hard remember you didn't choose this life for her she did

Answer 8

I was exactly in your position when I was young and it didn't matter how much I tried to help her..how much I watched and tried to guide her the right way...nothing worked. You have to let her make her own decisions and I know its a very scary thing to go through. Just make sure you have good friends around you and make sure that your aunt knows what your thinking doesn't matter if it's bad just make sure someone knows your feelings at all times. Tell your mom if you want but don't make her feel bad cause then she have an excuse to fall again. Sometime in the future when you and her are closer then tell her. I hope this helps you and I hope all goes well for you and your mother...Sadly for me it took something tragic to happen for her to stop...GOOD LUCK!

Answer 9

Will you be able to stay with your aunt? If you can, then that is one less worry for you. Find out if your aunt will be available whenever things get rough for you. Knowing that you have an adult to turn to, ANY responsible adult is a big help.

Remember that you do not owe your mother anything. It is not your responsibility to parent your mother. She has made some decisions and she has made some mistakes. You can love her and you can disapprove of her habits, but never feel that you can change anything.
This is something that she has to do for herself with the professional help she is getting.

Your only responsibility is to yourself. Do your best in school, with your friends and your aunt. Let your mother know that you love her and you are proud of her progress.

Be good to yourself.

Good Luck!

C-F

Answer 10

Both my folks were drug abusers. My dad refused help and died too young. My mom went to rehab because I made her. Her struggles continued off and on until her death from emphysema caused by smoking.

The only thing I can or ever could do is nothing. I don't use drugs or hang around people who do. I never turned my mom or dad away, but I never enabled them to practice drug use around me or with my resources.

It is not your fault and not your responsibility. You take care of yourself!

Answer 11

While relapse is always a possibility you have to realize she has spent 3 years of her life getting straightened out. 3 years. . . that's a LONG time. They probably wouldn't release her unless they thought she has a good chance of success. I would explain to her that I could not live with a druggie. If she relapses you will go back to your aunt's and live without her. That's harsh. . . but she's hurt harsh for the last 3 years. She has to live in reality and so do you. I know you love her and she loves you. . . but she has to remain clean and sober to have you in her life. She needs to hear that from you.