My 20 year old brother died, and I'm 14, how do I deal with it?

Question

My 20 year old brother died, and I'm 14 the 10th was his birthday and the 11th was his anniversary of dieing...life is soooo complicated now that he's gone...do any of you have any suggestions on books to read, movies to see, or any suggestions at alll...
Thanks and god bless =D

Answer 1

First of all please accept my condelances and sympathy. Now I will attempt to address your concern. Your problem is real. Do not let anyone try to tell you that you need to get over it and get on with your life. You are grieving in your own way and at your own pace. Also, do not let well-meaning people to convince you that you will get over it in time. You will not! What will happen is as time passes you will learn to cope with your loss. Nothing will ever fill the void that has been created in your young life, but there are ways that you can build a bridge over that void. Think about what your brother was interested in and what excited him. I do not suggest that you try to make these your interests, but maybe you can think of something you can do as a way to honor him. That way you can see for yourself that much of him continues -- some of it through you. Also, think of what interests you and get involved with some project in that area. Then there are things you can look forward to such as maybe naming your first born after him, making a yearly donation to his favorite charity, and doing everything you can to become not only a successful person, but an honorable and respected person as a way of honoring him. I am sure as a big brother he care about you and would be trying to help you be just that kind of person.

Remember, you are never alone. Now you even have an angel looking over you who knows you dearly.

God bless ...

Answer 2

I am so very sorry for your loss.
Try to talk things over with another family member like your mom or your dad. It's for times like this that families were invented. So don't hesitate to go to them for support. I hope that after a year or more of grieving that the memories of him aren't as sad, & it's easier to remember the fun times you guys had together, & it's OK to smile when you think of those times.
However, if the sadness isn't subsiding then maybe you should see if you can get some grief councelling. Don't be ashamed of that, you deserve to be happy again.
I can't think of any books that would help you, but for a movie I suggest that you find a light comedy to watch. Laughter is good medicine for the soul, so give it a try.
God Bless you too Honey! ;D

Answer 3

I have a suggestion that worked for me.

I sat down one day with a note pad and a pen and wrote my grandmother a letter. She died just a few years ago and I was very close to her. In the letter I wrote about how mad I was that she left me. I wrote about how sorry I was for feeling angry. I wrote about how much I missed her and how much pain I was in since she left. I also wrote some happy memories down that made me smile, even laugh. I wrote and wrote and wrote till I had about 30 pages. It felt great to get all that out of my system. Now here's the key to it really helping you. After you have written all you can write, the good and the bad, take that note outside in an envelope ... and burn it. As you watch the smoke rise to the sky you will get the feeling of your letter going upwards to heaven so your brother can have it for ever. The burning has a second purpose as well. It reassures you that NO ONE will ever know what you wrote except you and your brother. knowing this helps you to really let it all out. I'm sure your brother loved you and you loved him. It will be peaceful for you to do this. It will help you to start healing and it will help you to let go. Don't worry about your brother, he is in a better place. AND he would want you to live your life and be happy, not sad. please give this a try. It will not bring your brother back, nothing will, but it will help you deal with your great loss.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for your loss. I am very close to my family and i can just imagine the pain youre going through.
Thank you for the blessing, God bless you too.
If you have other siblings, or your parents, they are probobly going through the same thing. Spend time with them. It's ok to be sad sometimes.
My favorite movie is Braveheart. The story of this man is filled with tragedy and broken hearts, but in the end, he always finds a way keep hope, and live passionately for his lost loves, as well as his living loved ones. Also, the movie Signs, although it's about aliens, it has such a deep meaning. After Mel Gibson's character's wife is killed in a car accident, he loses his faith, and leaves the church. But through the events of the movie, he finds hope, and sees God's shining light in the darkness. He understands that everything happens for a reason sometimes, and you are never alone.
Life is tough, very tough, but no matter how often you feel like it, you are never alone. Someone will always be there to care about you. Your family and friends care about you, and even strangers care about you. And, God is always with you, and your brother is always in your heart. I know it is hard to think of him, and it makes you sad, but think of all the times you had, the laughs, the cherrished moments, and be happy that you will always have those times and his memories in your heart. He lives in you, and he loves you very much. Always.

Answer 5

Your Brother who was twenty yrs. old died, and you are fourteen? You want to know how to deal with your loss. My condolences to you and your Family, loosing a family member it's like tearing your Heart out, because you can never get over your loss. My suggestion to you is to talk to God almighty to give you some solace so that you can live day to day with your bearevement, which is so hard to do. above all else try to go out with your friends to forget for an instance, and try to have a little bit of fun.Do not do what I did when they murdered my Grandson almost three yrs. ago come this April. I did not want to go out not even to the grocery store because all I thought of was retaliation against the people who took his life, With time I realized that My Grandson did not want me to feel this way so, I turned to God and I keep on asking him to do justice for my Grandson, since he was a good kid and all the good qualification of a good son was him. I won't lie to you and tell you that sometimes I still cry for his loss but, I know that God will someday do justice for him, and I will at least find some comfort in it. I am sure that you are smart and will realize that you have your life ahead of you and your Brother would not want to see you suffer for him, he would want you to remember him as he was not remembering when he died. Please try to remember the good times you all had as a family with him and let that Picture stay in your mind when you feel sad. I care and I hope you will come to terms with this burden you are carrying.

Answer 6

First of all, you and your family have my condolences and prayers.

When someone close to you dies, it's always hard. Experience tells me that while the pain never really gets better, as time passes it gets farther away and easier to deal with.

Try making a scrapbook or photo album of your brother, as a tribute to his life. It can give you closure and help you to remember better times.

Talk as if he's there--get in a room by yourself, I used to do it late at night--and tell him everything you wished you had the chance to say. Talk to a photo of him, or to something that belonged to him like a stuffed animal if it helps you. You can talk casually and just tell him about what happened to you on that day, or tell him all the big things that are going on in the world around you. Tell him how you fell about his death, about the things he won't be around to see you do, and about all the things you won't get to see him do now. If it helps you, do this often, it really gives you a chance to get out all of your feelings without lashing out towards people who really do want to help.

As for movies or books...I don't have any specific suggestions. Maybe check out the self-help section for specifics on dealing with death. Or, just find a good fiction book that you can get lost in--that can help take your mind off things.

Answer 7

The grieving process has no limit. A read a book once, called 'Finding David's Heart' - something very similar to that, if it is not it exactly. It was a very touching story about a girl whose brother had died, and how she found a little boy who had her brother's heart. She learned to cope with her brother's death through this little boy. It was a very moving story. I am sorry for your loss, and this difficult time in your life.

Answer 8

Sorry to learnt that at such a young age yr brother has passed away. Deepest condolences to You & Family.

It is a realistic of Life, You just got to strong, calm, composed, brave to live on & for yourself.

Get yourself involve in community works if you have the times to share with those unfortunate,orphanages, unprivilege childrens on some happiness that they might have experiences since birth.

Answer 9

I've been there. Not with my brother but with my best friend. He shot himself. Talk about it with people like parents, pastor, teachers, school counselor. People that might have been through what you have. It's ok to morn but try to remember the good times and celebrate his life more. Everything happens for a reason, time will heal all.

Answer 10

My husband also lost a brother at 14. Make sure you talk with your family about it and listen to them. Don't ever forget that you're not the only one who is suffering. YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, LOVE! don't ever give up! right now its all family. they are hurting 2 so help each other walk along because that is what family is for...help each other get through the storm...i love u and your family dearly and will continuously pray 4 u.