Is it wrong that i hate her?

Question

Ok, So i really don't like my boyfriends ex. (J and I have been together over a year and 1/2 and he's never given me any reason not to trust him).
But this girl is overly nice and she has it in with him mom. She's from a totally different culture (she's hawiian and i'm from Chicago). She calls him an leaves him messages for every holiday. Even little ones like memorial day? I mean really is that nessecary? She sends his parents gifts for the holidays even though they haven't been together for over 2 and years. She also happens to be flipping gorgeous and every in his family always talk about how nice she was. I just hate this girl. It is wrong to want to tell J never to talk to her? What should i do??? Its really upsetting me. I don't want her calling him. OR sending him hand written christmas cards (when he recieved he let me read it). I'm sure she's a nice person but i just want her to dissapear.

Answer 1

Jealousy much?

I'm sorry but should the other girls he's been with before you be terrible? Is that the kind of person you want him to have attracted and endured?

What's wrong with her still being friendly with his family or him, especially if everything between them ended on a friendly note? And what do you care as long as it doesn't go beyond that stage? All you should care about is how he is concerning you and that he has chosen you to be the one he's in a relationship with. If that isn't good enough for you, then perhaps you shouldn't be with him.

Answer 2

It's easy to see why you are jealous, she is still in love with your boyfriend, and his family really liked her, she won't stay out of the picture, of coarse you hate her,(what girl would'nt). You will kinda of have to keep that part a secrete, other wise you will come off as insecure. The important things to remember is that J has been with YOU, for over 18 months, pretty clear which girl(you), he perfers, also he does not hide the fact that she sends him cards, and lets you see them(I give him 2 points for honesty), the only thing you can do,(and try not to sound dramatic), is the next time she sends a card, kind of sigh, and say "oh poor girl, she just can"t get over my guy, I wish she would stop with the cards", and then drop the subject.

Answer 3

It is not wrong to feel emotions. However, emotions like hate is not healthy for us. The person you are holding captive and hurting the most by hating is not her but yourself. Let your boyfriend know that it upsets you that his ex is still sending gifts and calling him.Let him know that it is upsetting to you and in a way it is somewhat dishonoring you in the relationship. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and it was your ex doing these things. However, you cannot tell his parents not to have any contact with the ex, but you must try to be and feel secure in yourself. Knowing that you are a great girl and your boyfriend is very blessed to have you in his life. When you feel secure in your relationship there will be no need for hateful feelings. But you must set up some boundaries in terms of how much contact he is allowed to have with this ex.

Answer 4

Oh wow, I see what you mean. I wish I could say you shouldn't hate her, but I think I would if I were you. She seems totally TOO nice... like she's still trying to be a part of J's life, and the life of his family.
Maybe don't tell him to never talk to her, but still express your concerns. Tell him it makes you uncomfortable that she calls you for even the teeniest holidays, and sneds you handwritten Christmas cards, and sends your parents presents. Maybe he could say something to her to let her know to back off a little bit. Make sure he knows you trust him and everything, it just makes you uncomfortable.
Good luck with this... email me if you want to with the results, I'd like to know what happens with this.

Answer 5

i mean i would hate her too. and u cant help what kind of relationship she has built with his family but just think how good of a guy u have that his ex and him are still friends thats a good sign of the type of man u have ...maybe u could try and tell him that it bothers u that she is still so close and that his family still has her on a pedestal cause it makes u feel like "hellooo, can anybody see me" but you're with him now and she's not so something about her couldn't have been too perfect because she didnt get the guy... u did

Answer 6

my problem with this is that, you have been with him for over a year and a half and she is still in his life like this? i think it is time to tell you boy friend that this is not going to work. if you had an ex that still called you and still kept in contact with your family wouldn't he be upset? he should have stepped up and told her to back off. i am not saying that she is not nice and that you should hate her but she is the one with the problem, it seems that she is having a hard time letting him go even after he is already gone. just explain to him how you feel and tell him that it isn't that you are trying to be a b--tch but that would not want him to have to deal with your ex in that way and it is disrespectful to you for him to be still in a relationship with her. i could see if she happened to see him somewhere and said hello and chatted for a bit, but still have that much contact---get her out of your relationship!!!

Answer 7

From what i've heard, Hawaiian ppl are genually nice and thoughtful ppl. It is in them from their custom* You should stop to think for a moment..HE is NOT calling her on special occasions (christmas, memorial day etc.) he is with you* He is being upfront with you by showing you the cards she sends. I'm sure if you got to know her better you would see she is not out to go after him...she is just being sincere , thoughtful and kind.,to Him and to his Mother. If he is not meeting up with her and calling her to chat* then you should focus on what you two share together* Not what she meant to him at one point. He IS WITH YOU~ Goodluck*

Answer 8

As long as he's honest and upfront about her sending the cards, there's really nothing you can do but try trusting in the strength of your guys relationship/love, or risk losing your boyfriend by asking him not to talk to his ex-girlfriend anymore.

I understand the dilema, don't get me wrong hun! Tricky situation though....

Answer 9

NO it is NOT wrong
she sounds like a real BYTCH
I wish she would drop dead for you!
Just try to remember that she is an EX for a reason
what ever that reason, you have him now.
For valentines day, why dont you send her a card and sign both of your names
(maybe even tell her how much you liked the xmas card she picked out for your boyfriend)
kill her back with kindness and maybe she will go away
(if she is so pretty, how come she can't find her own man!)

Answer 10

I think you are just overly co-dependent and really jealous of other women.
You really don't want to start controlling your boyfriend unless you want him to tire of you really fast and find someone else.

You need to boost your own self-esteem, quit worrying about this girl. Why? because your boyfriend is with you now, not her.