This past Saturday I was told by 2 older women (maybe 60's or so) rather aggressively that it was inappropriate to bring my 7 yr. old son into the woman's changing room at a community pool where he and his two sisters aged 8 and 11 were also taking lessons.
I am by no means an alarmist but I do have concerns with my son being alone in the men's changing room. There is a chance, regardless of how remote, that he could be exposed to a sexual predator or even a victim of kidnapping.
I am amazed that these woman had no regard for my concern and somehow felt that the presence my young son who can barely read or write was similar to sexual harassment. One woman went so far as to say that allowing my son to be in the woman's changing room was "near child abuse!"
I felt attacked and misunderstood.
My instinct to protect my child from potential harm was viewed by these women as some sort of sordid sexual experience I was forcing my child to participate in. How wrong.
2007-01-13 12:09:29 · 19 answers · asked by christinefromreno 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
It is in no way inappropriate!
He is still a child! A young child with no "street smarts" and, no matter how well he is raised, he really doesn't yet know how to sense danger.
There is nothing at all wrong with taking him in there with you. I'm shocked that older women would say so, as they have lived through time with the worst cases of little boys being raped and murdered in park bathrooms, mall bathrooms, etc. has happened.
Unless you have a reliable man or older child to go into the bathroom with him, I think it is a given that he would go into the safety of the womens one with you. At least now. Maybe make sure he doesn't look at anybody though, to make them shut up about it.
It is good you are keeping him safe.With a mom like you, there is less of a chance that he will fall victim to a nasty perverted man just waiting to prey on little boys.
2007-01-13 12:19:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is too old to be undressing and watching women undress. I have been very uncomfortable with a male children that old watching me. I don't let my boys watch me get undressed anymore (no problem til about age 5), and frankly, they run like chickens when I say I am going to change my clothes (ages 7 and 10). I mean, really... do you want your son's friends coming and watching you undress? Do you want his friend's mothers undressing in front of him? Of course not.HOWEVER, I agree with you that he is also too young to go into a men's locker room unattended- at least if it is a public place. (my kids swim often, but it is a small private club and I have no trouble with them going alone) There are creeps out there, and a locker room of a public place is a great place for them to hang out. So, I see both sides. The solution, as I see it, is to bring him a pair of sweats he can slip on over his suit, or let him change in the car. While you are changing he can stay with someone at the front desk, or another parent. If that isn't possible, could you and your younger daughter go in to change first, and when you are done switch places with the older girl so that he is not left alone? You might also suggest to the owner of the facility that a small room be designated as a family dressing room. Most nicer places have this. It wouldn't even need running water - just an empty room would be sufficient. Good Luck!
2007-01-17 08:46:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally understand your fears.. we hear so many horror stories and our first job as a parent is to protect our children. I have a problem with my 5 year old using a public bathroom by himself. I have noticed some places are creating 'family bathrooms' so that parents can help their children use the bathroom regardless of the sex of the child or the parent.
Have you talked to the people who run the community center to see if they could section off part of each community room (men's and women's) so that parents have some place to help their young children dress?
I think it would be wonderful if all public restrooms and changing rooms would start having a family room.
And no you aren't wrong.. if those old biddies don't like it, let them change in the toilet stall!
Which is were I always change my youngest when we go to the swimming pool but it sure isn't easy.
2007-01-13 12:19:06 · answer #3 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's okay if it's not a crowded time and there isn't many people in there. If it's crowded, especially crowded with girls his age, send your son into the guy's changing room. When it's crowded, there isn't anything likely to happen if lots of other well intentioned men are in the guy's locker room. Your son being in the ladies changing room can make girls very uncomfortable. When I was seven I remember a boy coming into the changing room, and even though we girls looked pretty much exactly like boys, we were still mortified and embarrassed that he was in there with us while we were changing. Try asking one of the male employees to go in there with your son while he changes to keep an eye out for him. Some pools have family changing rooms where you'd be allowed to go in with all of your kids and change with them.
2007-01-16 07:21:07 · answer #4 · answered by mandamandapanda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was told the same by a worker at our local YMCA when my son was only 6 years old. He had to go into the men's room. I also felt attacked. To me my son is still a baby at 6. I have heard so many horror stories about grown men raping and killing young boys in rest rooms, I have made myself sick to my stomach. When my son goes into a restroom alone now. I stand right by the door, so I can hear everything. He is now 11 and I still worry. I think people are rude and forget what kind of world we live in now. When those 60 year old women you are referring too, were young mothers, there weren't nearly as many perverts out there as there are now.
2007-01-13 15:27:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you had to experience that. It is a symptom of our western culture. We've sexualized the body to the point that it is no longer seen as a natural, normal thing. A 7yr. old is a child and is not thinking of those women in any kind of sexual way. We live in Japan where community bath houses are the norm. Some are actually co-ed but most are split in two. However, all the mother's always take the kids with them. My boys are 6 & 4 and they go with me all the time. This is a bath house. That means there are no clothes on anyone. No one thinks twice about it. My kids don't even seem to realize that everyone is naked. They don't stare or gawk. Their only concern is getting to play in the giant waterfall that is at the bath house we go to. I've seen other children (girls and boys) and none of them stare at me. But we're in Japan and their views on nudity and the human body are much different than that of the US. It is so sad really. In the US we condemn a woman for breastfeeding but we plaster photos of models on the covers of magazines who are wearing next to nothing over their breasts. We yell at a woman for allowing her young son in a woman's changing room but we think nothing of women and girls walking around in half shirts and short skirts. Our culture is just so stupid when it comes to the human body.
Those women who confronted you are ignorant and narrow minded. You should have just told them to mind their own business. He is a child and you are protecting him. I wouldn't even consider sending my sons to the men's locker room. And I'd have given both of those women a piece of my mind.
2007-01-13 13:13:45 · answer #6 · answered by Amelia 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
They're wrong and you're right. A 7 year old needs to be in the changing room with mom unless there is another man you trust to take him in the other changing room. (Or MAYBE if you could send him in with a group of other kids to "stick together.") My son will turn 8 next month. He went into the women's changing room with his sisters and I last summer. He still goes in the women's restroom with us. I expect that will all be the same this summer as well.
2007-01-13 12:19:33 · answer #7 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a 6 year old son and depending on the place i take him in the ladies room. But if there is not many people or activity i let him go in the men's but i stand right outside the door and tell him each time to yell if somethings wrong or if he needs me
2007-01-16 12:23:02 · answer #8 · answered by CSC 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely tell grandma to go take a hike. I have a 7 year old and if he has to go to the bathroom I take him in the women's room with me all the time (when there's no family bathroom available). Saying it's "near child abuse" is complete bullcrap. If you were to let your child go into a men's bathroom/changing room and god forbid something happened to him then they'd be saying that you're being a neglectful parent, which is child abuse as well. I wouldn't let their comments get to you, there are way too many psychos out there!!
2007-01-14 13:11:49 · answer #9 · answered by MsBossy301 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are not doing the wrong thing at all - your boy is still very young, unless his father or older brother can accompany him into a change room. And it's a fact that older women who've got their kids off their hands years ago seem to turn very hard-hearted in their old age!
Just stare them down and tell them to put some clothes on!
2007-01-13 13:28:07 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋