What's the cure for loneliness?

Question

I work hard. I keep myself busy when I'm not at work. I play the piano. I go to the gym. I read books. But I don't know how to talk to people. HELP!!

Answer 1

All of your hobbies include no one else. Try integrating them with meeting people. Sign up for book discussion groups (check your local library). Volunteer to give free piano lessons for adults or join a choir as a piano accompanist. Sign up on singles racquetball lists or ask the gym to post them if they don't. Since you feel uncomfortable talking to people, you are structuring your life to avoid it. You need to do the exact opposite no matter how uneasy you may feel at first, it beats the hell out of spending your life alone.

Answer 2

What's the cure for loneliness? As someone mentioned before, love.

Then you ask yourself, "Love? What the heck?" or something similar.

What I mean by love is connecting with people you care deeply about. You say you work, right? We can start from there. Perhaps, you can assign some kind of holiday party for the workforce. This way, you can get to know your colleagues better and start some kind of friendship there. Hey, it doesn't hurt to set up an office party and have everyone in a relaxing, comforting mood. Maybe even you can easily open up to people while you see them in such a happy mood or you're in a calm mood yourself.

Wow, a musician, are we? Piano are perfect instruments for any type of entertainment, whether it's for some outreach in a senior citizen home or in a church, music calms and soothes the soul of many. Hey, get involved with the community with your music skills. Also a perfect gesture for that romantic someone of your's.

Hey look, gym! There's many people there. You can crack a few words with a couple of people there and make their workout more enjoyable. But remember to not distract them at the wrong time while they're exercising; you don't want them to get injured.

Actually, there's a couple of combos here. Perhaps, you can set up a party at the office and open up to a few people. if the occasion is right, you could introduce to a couple of people to your gym as they might want to work out a bit. Be creative. You have a lot to offer as a friend, co-worker, and a lover. Open up to people and smile! =]

Answer 3

When people say, (a) "I'm lonely," and (b) "I don't know how to talk to people," what they usually actually mean is, "I don't know how to keep quiet around people."

It's hard to tell what your problem is, as you give no details as to your social situation. The people who have posted answers have all made wild guesses as to what might work for you, without knowing anything about you and what makes you insufficiently attractive to the people you want to spend time with.

So I am also forced to make a wild guess. Is it possible you present yourself as being too needy and self-centered? That is what makes most lonely people lonely.

And it is very difficult to break out of that cage. We live in a society that tends to reinforce negative social behavior. That is, if you don't possess the right social skills, you will tend to be alone, and not have a chance to learn the right social skills.

There is really only one effective way to correct this problem: Go to see a counsellor and ask for coaching in social skills. There are specialists that do that sort of counseling, and most private counselors can direct you to one.

In that setting, you will get a chance to practice not doing the things that make people walk away from you, and doing the things that make them sit down at the table with you.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, the problem of the lonely person is a compulsion to talk about yourself. That is what runs people off. And if you are lonely or anxious, it can be very hard to get past that craving. Again, professional help is recommended. That doesn't mean you have "mental problems." You just need a learning experience that will launch you on a new social trajectory.

Hit the yellow pages, or ask your pastor or local mental health center for a referral. Good luck...

Answer 4

I understand. I just moved to a new city, and I am often lonely as well. I heard a story once that helped me. A little girl was looking for lady bugs in the grass, and she couldn't find them. No matter how hard she tried, there were no ladybugs to be found. Finally, she fell asleep. When she woke up, the ladybugs were crawling all over her. Do what your mind tells you to do. Concentrate on those things that make you happy right now, that do not include other people. People will then naturally approach you. You sound like a very smart, interesting person. If you are genuinely interested in the person that has approached you, then I can almost guarantee, you will make a friend. One friend leads to another, until you have many. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

That's great that you have all of those interests and are out among people. I can understand how hard it can be though to talk to people sometimes and have meaningful conversation.

Everyone feels loneliness to some degree but since you feel that you're not connecting well with people you just may need to practice conversational skills and also work on ways to build your self-confidence. This can take work and practice but the more you practice the easier this will get to be over time. One of the best ways to talk to people is to ask them about themselves. Everyone loves talking about themselves and people appreciate others showing an interest in them so this is always a good thing to keep in mind. Also, talk about your own interests as a way to draw people out and this way you can find people who have things in common with you.
I found a great website that's called "Meeting People Skills" and if gives all sorts of tips on social and conversational skills. It's kind of lengthy but it's worth looking through. http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/conversational_skills.htm

Best of luck of to you. :)

Answer 6

It's really not that difficult. Start with a smile and say hello. That simple. Then find something to talk about. For example, the other day I was walking by myself along the beach. A couple approached with a dog and another dog touched noses with their dog. I laughed and said, "don't you wonder what they are thinking when they do that?" They laughed and said yes. That started a conversation.

You sound very intelligent, I know you can do this, it really does not take any special skills. Just be interested in people, ask questions, be attentive and friendly.

Answer 7

Another of your answerers has the right idea... start with making friends online, where you don't feel threatened or shy or any of the things that seem to keep you from approaching people in person. Reach out for contact and keep up the work it will take to keep up with the communication. Little by little, you should find yourself with more to talk about, and more people to talk TO. Smile as often as you can when you catch someone's eye, and find easy, simple places and times to speak up around folks, such as at a coffee house, where it's all relaxed. Or church, if you attend one. Or the library, where there would be a number of conversation starters and people to start the conversation WITH. Good luck, and keep smiling. A genuine smile and niceness behind it is the surest way to break down anyone's walls! :)

Answer 8

Once there was a young boy being sent into a missionary boarding school. He was in awe and amazed by the size of the garden and many other things in it, even the toilets looks better than those back at home. He was from a backward village and the son of a farmer. This young boy appreciated the opportunity to study and was determined to do well.

Years passed and he grew up to be a handsome young man, he had wonderful childhood and teenage moments as a student in this school. In fact he did so well that a scholarship was offered at a prestigious university. He graduated with top honors and was offered a good career in the big city; he declined all offers and wanted to serve his old school as a principal.He returned and armed with aspirations and vision for his old school, but for months in the new job that this young man wasn't too happy.

He seems to find fault in almost everything e.g. the walls had crack lines, chairs were old, air con was not working and even the algae growing on the gates irk him. What had happen to me?Drawing slimily from the story above, you appreciate the working environment and job tasked given during the formative years after graduation from school. The defects and machine issues brought up by manufacturing or even safety concerns brought up were meet face on with guts and aspiration to complete them on time.

Every day, you were greeted with complains and problems; someone would complain against your engineers for taking long breaks, some would complain that night shift equipment / process / manufacturing engineers are not doing it right.

It came to a point that you are no longer enjoying the job, and even the canteen food sucks. Meeting rooms became war zones and words were engineered to pierce.How many times had you walked up to your engineers and say kind words on how much they had done for you? I bet the moment that you open the mouth, your engineers would think "what a f%^%&, he is going to give me more work or scold me,

Instead of looking at only faults and flaws, choose a day of the week and deliberately look at all the good things that your engineers had done. A kind word sincerely from the heart can do wonders to mend a tired engineer's heart and he / she will do even more to achieve the work done as compare to regular whipping and fault finding. Look at all the number of products ran thru instead of what had not went through; look at the process released rather than those not released, look at the uptime instead of downtime. It is a positive attitude that allows you to appreciate how much had been done, and

I am sure you are happier in life.Now get a piece of paper and write one engineer's name on center of paper, draw a line and write things he / she had not done correctly on the left. Then write things he / she had done well on the right. Did the number of items of left surpass the right? If yes, it is time that you learn how to appreciate your engineers more.Everyone wants to be appreciated by true kindness from superior and peers.

Do the same for yourself, appreciate the fine things in life and soon you will be happier

Answer 9

Try doing group activities that you like. If you like to play piano, try joining a music group. If you work out, try joining a yoga / pilates class.

In short, try an activity you enjoy, but in a group setting. That should get you started.

Good luck.

Answer 10

hi, i think the only cure for lonliness is to have friends. having friends doesn't mean that u need to have a bunch of them, 2 or 3 friends can mean ur loneliness has been cured.