My husband would rather stay up at night and look at porn than come to bed and have sex with me. I am on baby number three and I've never had this problem with him before. He says that his sex drive is more than ever but he won't come near me more than 2 or 3 times a month. I am reallly depressed over this. I've been told that I'm pretty and i am only 10 pounds heavier than the last two pregnancies so I don't know what to do or how to feel. Is there anyone out there who can help me?
2007-01-13 10:01:47 · 24 answers · asked by Summer 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
I'm only 24 so it's not like I got old and ugly on him.
2007-01-13 10:02:26 · update #1
He gets really embarrassed if I am in the room while he is looking at porn.
2007-01-13 10:10:10 · update #2
The old and ugly remark was unnecessary. It is typical of a woman to somehow think that her man's problems are her fault. Ask him how he would feel if he had to lie in bed alone while you looked at other men. The thing is, he may now have an addiction. You guys need to be in counseling. And this is completely unacceptable behavior. You should neither condone nor put up with it. The porn has to go.
2007-01-13 10:10:35 · answer #1 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You sound wonderful. And pregnant women are generally wonderful, warm, sensual creatures with a beautiful glow about them. Something is seriously wrong with your husband. What an idiot he is. Think about it... Hmmmmm.... Nice soft, warm, wonderful woman or a stupid picture of some unrealistic looking woman on the net. Your husband has issues. He needs counseling. There is also the issue that he is looking at porn in such a way that you're aware of it. That doesn't sound very respectful. I would think a good man would do all he could to make sure not to make you feel insecure at what must be a difficult time for you. Two or three times a month? I don't get it. Is he gay? Is he having an affair? Something is wrong. That just ain't normal. And you don't need this while you're pregnant. What a jerk. Arrrrrgggghhhh!!!! I hate to hear about stuff like this. Women are special and should not be treated as you are being treated. You should be treated with great care and respect. I can see why you would feel hurt. And at 24 most women look pretty darn good, pregnant or not. But it's not you. You sound normal to me. You want a little closeness and most normal guys would think that was absolutely wonderful and would gladly cooperate toward that end. And any man with half a brain knows that sex during pregnancy is great stuff. Not something I'd be missing if I were in his shoes. What a dummy! Sorry kid, I don't mean to go on and on about that but he really is a drip. So my advice is try to get help for your hubby. He's missing out big time. Somebody needs to shake him awake. Is he depressed or something? Gay? I'm just left scratching my head... I sure hope this resolves for you. You sound wonderful and you deserve way better than this. Demand better because if you don't, you'll never get it from this guy. Tell him this is unacceptable and you want him to work on this with you. Get counseling. For sure. You need help with this. What a dummy he is!!!! I can't get over that... This is not your problem, this is his problem. But his problem is affecting you. I wouldn't trust this guy. Keep an eye on him. He sounds like he is up to no good. What is wrong with young guys these days? I've been through a number of pregancies and never acted that way. You do know that it's normal for guys to get a little weird with a pregnancy but that's usually the first one. By the third time, this guy should be an old hand at this and he should have it all down by now. You deserve better. Demand it. What a bunch of crap. Geez, I think I'm more pissed off at this guy than you are. Best of luck to you and your family!
2016-05-23 22:05:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can imagine how you must be feeling but are you bigger with this pregnancy than with ur previous two? My fiance already admitted to me that the whole huge belly thing isn't exactly attractive to him and is in fact a turn off, basically in the last two months of pregnancy or so. I guess every man doesn't see pregnancy as beautiful after you go past a certain size, which doesn't bother me.
Don't think he doesn't love you or he thinks ur ugly you are just pregnant. I'm telling you just wait until you have your baby, he'll be back on you in no time!
2007-01-13 11:34:27 · answer #3 · answered by lamikashi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to draw the line at the porn. He is using the porn instead of you. That isn't good for your relationship. Let him know what your standards are and that it doesn't work for you.
Secondly, he may feel that he might be hurting you or the baby by having sex at this time. Educate him and let him know you still want to have sex.
With two other kids in the home to take care of I am sure neither of you have much time to yourselves. Try spending time together instead of apart at the end of the day.
Good luck!
2007-01-13 10:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by Rexxie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you are going though this ordeal with you husband.pregnancy is not a turn off to men,really it's a turn on and they say the sex is better then ever.your sex drive I know has gotten greater because you are going though a hormone change.Men also go though a hormone change after a certain age,but this don't mean that you have to be disrespected in any kind of way.your hormones makes you sensitive too.try to talk with him without arguing.don't worry ,putting on weight with carrying a baby makes all woman feel unsexy.go put on something sexy for him.you haven't lost your touch!
2007-01-13 10:20:10 · answer #5 · answered by nikki31 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband should get his *** off the coach and stop watching porn and come to your bed to have sex with you. I'd definitely do that if I were him. I'm a male too. Honestly, I felt really sorry for you.
2007-01-13 13:00:35 · answer #6 · answered by Elma S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not the pregnancy that is the problem, it is your husband. You are growing up...he is not. Unfortunately, you now have 3 children (including the one on the way) to consider. The situation will not resolve itself after the baby is born, so I strongly encourage you to get counseling if you want to save this marriage for the sake of the kids...if not yourself.
Good luck.
2007-01-13 10:13:31 · answer #7 · answered by kathy_is_a_nurse 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel!!!
My fiance did the exact same thing to me, except his started when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I'm 19 and he's 25 and I know the age could have been a factor, but I don't understand why guys would rather look at porn when they have a female companion either. The only thing different with my fiance, than your husband is that not only would he look at porn ON MY COMPUTER and masturbate, but he would put it on his cell phone, on his palm pilot, and when I finally got sick of it being on my computer and bought him one, it was ALL OVER HIS. It wasn't just an ever now and then thing either, it was a 3-4 times a day thing. I mean he went with me to the classes and the dr. appointments and he knew that hormone wise I wouldn't be in the mood sometimes, and i would be going thru a lot of changes, but what also made me mad was when I caught him in the act, he started looking at it before coming to bed with me, getting hard and then would wake me up to have sex. And I thought that was just as bad. I mean I'm insecure as it is, and all my friends and family tell me I'm pretty and everyone I've met has always complimented my face also (like with you) but I mean, men don't understand that even though it may be "normal" more them, it makes us feel insecure. My first reaction was to leave him, (like some people have posted already) because it made me feel like I wasn't enough and he wanted someone else. My fiance is known for getting what he wants to all his friends in FL and it's not hard for him to get another girl no matter where he goes, so my first thought was to leave him and let him have his fantasy or whatever. But that's not healthy for you to concern yourself with...i found that out the hard way and made myself sick for 2-3 weeks just thinking about it.
When I talked to someone about this exact thing, I was told it was because of one or two things. One, he was keeping himself from cheating and getting it somewhere else. Or two, it was a habit that he wasn't going to break because he doens't see a problem with it. A few of my girl friends told me that I should do the same thing and purposely let him catch me and see what he has to say then, but i never did it.
I'm 38 weeks now, and I haven't caught him since I was 34 weeks, but he still has a lot of downloaded movies and pics that I'm sure he still watches and does his little thing with. I've tried talking to mine and it didn't work, he saw no problem with it and didn't see why i felt insecure and thought it was wrong. so I'm not going to tell you to talk to your husband because he may respond the same way and then you'll get even more pissed off. its very disturbing to think about and hard NOT to think about him doing this, but the only advice I can give you is to try NOT to think about it and let it bother you. If he knows it bothers you...like my fiance...he will just keep doing it, but be more discrete about it. Or he may stop, and realize that it's wrong and it's hurting you mentally and emotionally.
I hope my story helps...i really don't know how to tell you to fix it because i doubt mine is completely fixed yet...but try forgetting and not thinking about what he is doing and see how that works. and if you want, try talking to him about it and see if he answers differently from my fiance and changes it.
2007-01-13 11:27:02 · answer #8 · answered by kaiyas_mom07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask if you can watch porn with him. Sounds like he's just really comfortable with you and the excitement of having another child isn't there right now, he's just relaxed enough to watch porn (something all guys do). Plus you probably wear him out. You go girl! Pregnancy hormones leave you pretty horny and frustrated sometimes.
2007-01-13 10:06:44 · answer #9 · answered by Kisses 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband was weird about sex when I was pregnant too...he was afriad he would hurt the baby, or just was weirded out knowing it was there and that he would be in there at the same time!
Hang in there, it's normal for pregnancies to affect sex drives for both partners.
2007-01-13 10:07:27 · answer #10 · answered by Kiss My Shaz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋