My ex boyfriend and I split up 3 years ago because I cheated on him (which obviously was a mistake). Throughout the three years after the break up, he has contacted me for every holiday, birthday, and virtually every month to talk. We have gone out on many dates after the break up and we both have talked extensively about getting back together. It never happens though. We end up sleeping together and going out and then he goes missing for a few weeks, before he contacts me again. I don't know if he's coming to me to sleep together or if there is more to it. We do not sleep together every time we see each other. This last time we went out, he told me he still loved me, but didn't want a serious girlfriend until he had a steady job with a stable salary. Now, he's gone missing again. I'm sick of the back and forth with him and I told him that, but I still love him. What do I do? What's his deal? Could he be telling me the truth or is he just a jerk?
2007-01-13 07:58:08 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
By the way, I'm 24 and he's 25. I don't know if that helps at all. We dated for 3 years, and when I cheated on him I was 20 and stupid.
2007-01-13 08:15:41 · update #1
OK. Let me get this straight. He is paying you regular visits, dating and sexing you, but he doesn't consider you girlfriend or lover material? He doesn't have a stable job to call you girlfriend, but he is still coming over to have sex with you? Do you not see what is wrong with this picture?
Why should he get back with you on a steady basis? You seem to be his "piece on the side". He can have all the pleasures of the flesh and none of the commitments. If I had my guess he is just using you when he is feeling lonely and is feeling a little horny and knows who will satisfy his desires.
Unless you like being used for sex, you really need to ask him promptly to get back together. If he isn't up for that for any reason, break it off and don't see him again. Find someone new and stop wasting your time with someone who isn't commital towards you.
2007-01-13 08:07:17 · answer #1 · answered by davester1970 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he's just using you. There might still be feelings but I believe you are both lying to each other hoping that this will go anywhere. I really don't think it will go anywhere after three years. Even though, it might hurt you should really break up and stop seeing him. Move on and you can hopefully find a real and lasting relationship. Someone that will appreciate you more.
2007-01-13 16:03:13 · answer #2 · answered by Curiously 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im not a man but im still gona say something here.
some people just arent so good at expressing their emotion. then they get too close to someone, remember the pain they went through when their heart was broken, take a step back from you, but you take a step foward, then they push you away coz they dont want to get hurt.
thats an idea. but what im saying is: you dont always know every single thing about someone, even if you think you know them sooo damn well. so dont be so quick to judge - and i know youre not, so *hi5*
maybe he's gay
maybe he's scarred to love
maybe he's a jerk
maybe he's just really confused
maybe he doesnt know what hes doing
boys are so difficult.
2007-01-13 16:08:05 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think he's a jerk. He's being who he is. Can you live with who he is? If not, it is perhaps time to move on. You did not mention age, but I would venture to say that you have many good years ahead of you before settling down with one person. I think you should do some sampling.
2007-01-13 16:10:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're definitely being used. he might still love you, but he has no reason to commit. if you don't want to be taken for granted deny him the next time he wants to hang out. tell him you're not interested. my guess is this will tip the scales in your favor and give you control. at worst, and not likely, he'll be out, but more than likely he'll be forced to make the concessions you're looking for. careful what you wish for though. this relationship has deep rooted issues that may have permanently disabled to from ever functioning properly.
2007-01-13 16:07:27 · answer #5 · answered by Ken M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy he still loves you but he doesn't want to be hurt again.
You must prove to him you are done being immature.
Mature and responsible would be if you want to run around with
different men do it, and don't hide that fact, it hurts people.
If you want to stay with a guy you cheated on and hurt badly
you will have to prove yourself. Jerk!
2007-01-13 16:12:23 · answer #6 · answered by Dutch V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that he is a jerk but you can easily find out. Stop sleeping with him and see how long he stays in contact.
2007-01-13 16:02:38 · answer #7 · answered by Fearless Fosdick 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is having his cake and eating it.
You cheated on him, he has no ties to you because of that.
He is having sex with you for the sake of someone to hold at the time.
Drop him now and move on.
Unless he is real good, then just waste your life having sex with someone who cares nothing for you.
Think about it.
2007-01-13 16:05:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's using you. Anyone could see that. Wake up and forget about him. You've wasted enough time with him. You can't change what you did and why try? It's over, accept it and stop letting him use you for sex.
2007-01-13 16:03:02 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
His deal is he thinks you are a booty call or maybe a friend with benefits. Quit putting out for him and put him out of your life. Don't be a doormat or get used by men.
2007-01-13 16:01:54 · answer #10 · answered by dcforensics51 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋