My son is a 20 year old college student. He has a wonderful fiance who we love very much. My problem is her mother. Her mother is not the evil mother-in-law to be, she just won't let go. JM (my son) and JD (his fiance) have to drive about an hour to see each other. JD usually prefers to come here because she says our family is much more relaxed than her family. She enjoys the joking and laughter (no our family is no sit-com, we have our full share of bad days), but she told me we are at least vocal and don't keep it all inside. Please believe these are good people. I guess for the purpose of this question I'm only stating the bad.
To the problem. JM and JD asked me to call and ask if JD could spend the night one night because she was really tired and it was raining. When I asked her mother she said "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! What would people say? I will never allow her to damage her reputation that way" I was hurt and now I don't know what to do or what to or say to her. Plz hlp!
2007-01-13 07:30:53 · 7 answers · asked by fishergirl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh yes, we have a spare bedroom and my son would never disrespect me or her in any way in my home. Our daughter brought her fiance home often when she was in college and to my knowledge her reputation never suffered.
2007-01-13 07:37:53 · update #1
Just a little clarification. I do like this lady. What upset me was basically 2 different things. #1. Her reaction was so strong (not to mention LOUD) that I felt as though she thought my husband and I had no morals nor did we have control of what happens in our own house. We are a Christian family and our neighbors know this. #2. It was a rainy, messy night. Visibility was poor. It was a weekend night when so many people drink and drive. JD was so tired and sleepy she had fallen asleep several times during the movie we were all watching. It shocked me that her mother was worried about JD's reputation more that she was worried about her well-being. I do realize it is not my place to come between JD and her mother. I do, however, need help learning to accept her attitude. Thanks to all answerers so far!
2007-01-13 11:04:58 · update #2
Just a little clarification. I do like this lady. What upset me was basically 2 different things. #1. Her reaction was so strong (not to mention LOUD) that I felt as though she thought my husband and I had no morals nor did we have control of what happens in our own house. We are a Christian family and our neighbors know this. #2. It was a rainy, messy night. Visibility was poor. It was a weekend night when so many people drink and drive. JD was so tired and sleepy she had fallen asleep several times during the movie we were all watching. It shocked me that her mother was worried about JD's reputation more that she was worried about her well-being. I do realize it is not my place to come between JD and her mother. I do, however, need help learning to accept her attitude. Thanks to all answerers so far!
2007-01-13 11:05:03 · update #3
Well being in your shoes there isn't much you can do. If you want to create more heat among your family and theirs then say something. The best thing for you to do in this situation is to have JD deal with it on her own. Saying something may make it even more of a difficult time for JD. Your best bet is to stay out of it. Eventually they will be married and living on their own. Just count the days till then. I really hope this helps
2007-01-13 07:38:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello there, I think that you have a very interested question. I could cry by just reading your question. I think that maybe JD's mother does not appreciate you guys. I think that you should try communicating with her. Maybe you might know if she likes your family. I think that if she had appreciate your family, she will give her daughter a chance to have a night with your son and his family.
Bye bye
Good luck!
2007-01-13 15:58:38 · answer #2 · answered by Ravie l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand that you think she should have been able to spend the night, but if more mothers were like her mother, there might not be so many single parents out there. They are engaged, once they are married I am sure it will not be an issue. I would apologize to the mother and realize she is doing what a good mother does to protect her daughter, whether it hurts you or not, that is her right.
2007-01-13 15:40:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would respect her for that decision. Put yourself in her shoes, and you'll probably do the same thing. She is just trying to protect her reputation. This should not in anyway hurt you. Because you are for sure that your son's fiance came from a good family. They may be a little uptight but I think you should learn to set and respect our boundaries.
2007-01-13 15:41:32 · answer #4 · answered by alandicho 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She just has a different view on it than you might. Dont be offended, she may have thought it was odd that you called and asked her, why didnt her daughter call and ask her own mother. She didnt mean it as an insult but maybe wasnt comfortable with it.
2007-01-13 15:36:40 · answer #5 · answered by chris h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if they're engaged, then it should not matter what everyone else thinks. Secondly, how is "EVERYONE" gonna know if no one tells them. She is grown now and should be able to, especially since you are going to be there. Then there may not be any getting to her mother. Like she said, her family is not relaxed which sounds like they're very boozie! I wouldn't let it get to you.
2007-01-13 15:39:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sound like her mother is a bit neurotic!!! I mean they ARE engaged........... And we all know her little angel is more than likely, not a virgin!! ;o)
Is she like Amy's parents on "Everyone loves Raymond", by any chance????
The solution----introduce her to alcohol!!!
Mr Happy
:o)
2007-01-13 15:40:49 · answer #7 · answered by hagtagg 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋