My 18 yr old daughter has been coming home high and/or drunk.?

Question

I have tried everything to help her get her life in order. She'll be 19 in a few weeks. I can't continue to watch her come home this way. It feels like I'm okay with it if I don't do anything, but the problem is, I don't know what to do. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

It's going to be hard to do, but you need to tell her that she can't do those things and live in your home. Give her a time frame to straighten up or move. It's called tough love and it's as tough on the parents as the kids. Hopefully this will be the eye opener for her and she'll straighten up, either inside or outside of your home. She may not. The one thing I can tell you for sure is that she will not straighten up if you continue to let her live in your house without some sort of consequences. I know. We have this problem in my family. My parents didn't do anything. They just let it go on and now my 43 year old sister is driving my 78 year old mother crazy - stealing money, stealing credit cards, stealing her car and being physically and verbally abusive and yet my mother still lets it go on. Lots of people, including myself have tried to get help for my sister, but she won't get help as long as someone will give her what she needs to continue in this lifestyle and unfortunately, that person is my mom. Do yourself and your daughter a favor and get tough on her. It's hard for you emotionally, but it may be the one thing that saves her life and her future.

Answer 2

Have you asked her why she's getting high? You should sit her down and talk to her, try not to argue. I'm sure she's aware that drinking and getting high isn't the best thing to do. Maybe setting some house rules with her would be good. Like telling her you don't agree with what she is doing, but you would rather come pick her up from where she is at, rather than her driving home drunk or stoned. Or not to bring drugs into your home. You need to be supportive, without supporting the bad habit. Just let her know you care and ask her if there is anything you can do to help. You still need to be loving towards her. It's sometimes hard for someone that has an early addiction to understand that you only want to help and not criticize.

Answer 3

coming from being a 19 yr old, if you try to force her to rehab she's going to rebel and it's going to make things worse. Everyone expierments with getting high at least once. Now that she is 18 you really can't tell her what she can and can't do-you can give her suggestions and tell her you'll be there for her when she is ready for help. Unless she is getting arrested and not doing anything with herself then i would really push the issue. But she won't make the chane until she is ready too. With getting drunk-that would depend on how often she is drinking...maybe you could ask her just to keep it to the weekends. I know you would probably rather have it never happen. But compromise is the key when it comes to teenages-we don't like feeling like we have no control over our own lifes. We hate autority.lol-I would just let her know how you feel.

Answer 4

Everyone is saying "Addict" like she's on cocaine or heroin, when it could just be marijuana, which isn't physically addictive.

Kicking her out, or threatening her will solve nothing. It will only make her more cautious as to not be seen by you when she gets home.

Sit down and talk to her. Ask her why she does it, then explain the risks associated with it. Tell her you feel uncomfortable with it, that you love her and don't want to see her go down the wrong path in life and that you're only looking out for her.

Ask her if she really wants to be 30 years old, living in a studio apartment on her own in a crappy part of town, or if she wants to be successful, respected, wealthy, and able to live wherever she wants, then explain to her that school and studies should be her primary focus.

Even better still, even though you DO mind, tell her you don't mind her partying every once in a while, so long as she stays off of hard drugs, and doesn't do it every night. Maybe once a month.

A little bit of marijuana and alcohol once a month will not kill her... She just needs to know she can't do it all the time, and that you care about her.

Think about when you were her age, I'm sure there were things you wanted to do that your parents didn't want you doing... But the more you knew your parents didn't want you doing it, the more you wanted to do it. By telling her you don't mind her doing it, but you want her to cut down on it, it'll lose some of the thrill for her. Not all, but some...

I hope this helps you out, and good luck.

Answer 5

I think that it is quite normal among young people in their late teens and early 20's to drink excessively and use illegal drugs and think that it is quite all right. But it is not all right. I think that you need to talk to her straight up about it and ask her why she thinks it is cool? Ask her what she gets out of the high or drunk feeling? Is she also promiscuous? If so and if she thinks that all of these things will help her to deal with life's many problems, maybe you should seek some counseling for her. Or maybe she just wants more one-on-one time with you and this is a cry for help. Try getting involved in her life and leaving little time for going out and getting drunk. Schedule her time for her (without letter her know you are doing so), keep her busy and happy at home. Maybe redo a room (her bedroom or bathroom) let her help with paint, curtains, etc. Go to the movies, cook together, make some homemade CD's, etc.

I know that these young people think that alcohol and drugs are no big deal and that it is cool to keep up with the Johnson's, but in reality it is creating unstable individuals who are entering society on their own as alcoholics and drug addicts. Do whatever it takes to get her off drugs and alcohol.

Recently Dr. Phil had a set of twin girls (who I think were about 19) on his show that were drug addicts, alcoholics and were selling their bodies to support their habits. If she watches this show or sees girls in these situations, surely she would realize she wants something better and different for her life.

Answer 6

don't listen to them! You shouldn't kick out your daughter. I would suggest however going to an AA meeting and asking those people what you can do. Unfortunately without her wanting help all you can do is love her. I would enforce the rule don't come home drunk or high and not allowing her to have it in your home. Also if she doesn't have a job tell her she has x amount of time to get one and have her start paying her own way..

Answer 7

Only way to make sure you're not acting like you're condoning this behavior is to kick her out. She's 18, and legally an adult, so she's technically free to do what she wants. She's also old enough to be on her own. There's really nothing more you can do. Hopefully she'll grow out of this phase and grow up, but until then there's nothing more you can do. You've raised her, she's now an adult, so she needs to head out into the world. I know it'll be hard, but she needs to realize she's not a kid anymore, and having her move out would be the best way to do it. Trust me. That's how I learned to take care of myself and face responsibility. (I'm 24 by the way, with two cars, a house, and a family. My mom having me move out at 18 was the best she ever did for me.)

Answer 8

Have a heart to heart discussion with her, Tell her that this behavior of hers is making you upset, and that, You dont mind that she goes out and has a good time once in a while, But every night coming home drunk and high is too much, And tell her that you love her and care for her, And then get tough with your voice, and tell her, And NOW YOUNG LADY IF THIS CONTINUES, THAT IN THE MORNING YOUR BAG WILL BE PACKED AND OUT YOU GO, because i cannot tolerate this any longer, THEN , If she goes out again and gets drunk, then do it, dont hesistate just do it, Have her bags packed and in front of the door when she comes in, Its called tough love

Answer 9

hi,
i don't tolerate drinking of any kind. i don't drink. my son does but he doesn't drink in front of me and when he does drink he drinks at a friends house or in a bar somewhere. you should let her know that you are worried about her that you want her to stop drinking so much. talk to her about going to an AA meeting. try to bring it up to her kind of easy she might get Angy. explain that it's not because you think she has a problem just you have notice that she has come home a little more smashed than usual and that you are worried about her. as for the being high explain it to her the same way. ask her to get help and you be supportive of her.

Answer 10

--Check with local agencies, as there may be a group or services provided to teens or young adults with addiction and dependency problems.

--Insist that if she's not in school, she must get a job and keep it and contribute to the household with rent money, food money, and with regular household chores/upkeep. Let her know that her only other option is to move.

Kicking her out may be very hard for you to do, as it sounds like you love her very much and it pains you to see her life going down the tubes. But, if you give her any such rules/guidelines, you MUST follow through and keep to your word. You have to be consistent and reliable, even if she refuses to grow up and be reliable and responsible herself.

--Contact Al-Anon or Alateen. There is an e-mail address below. They work with the teen and her family and have some good literature available on their website; or just go to Google and search from there.

--If they have a group in your area, definitely go see what it's all about and how you can get support and help for you--even if she refuses to get or take any help fpr herself.

--I did a search in my local library's online catalog, and they have quite a few Al-Anon and a few Alateen books geared to teens and their families.

Good luck.