why do parents say hurtfull things do their children?

Question

things like
"you worthless b*i*t*c*h"
selfish, ingrateful, piece of s*h*i*t.
do they want to put down their child?
even if their child is the most grateful, thankful child ever, they still call he/she these names?
do they think it makes them learn a lesson?
saying that they just say it out of anger isnt a logical explanation.

is this verbal abuse?

Answer 1

I was told(and am still being told) such awful things by my father.I would NEVER talk like that to my children even if they are the worst children in the world(which I highly doubt:))))

Answer 2

I don't think it has anything to do with thinking they're teaching their children a lesson. Usually it's because 1) the parent is so wrapped up in their own crap they don't care/don't see how they're hurting the child (as in, not mature enough to care for another, is in denial about certain things, is "blind", has own self esteem issues) 2) the person is really that callous and mean and really shouldn't have children. Also a lot of times it's like like when a parent gets very depressd, they may emotionally neglect the child and just not be there for 'em. It's not logical and not an excuse, emotions never are, but it is an explanation.

ps. yes it's verbal abuse. A child should never ever be called things like that by their own family. It's emotional abuse. I had to experience it myself from a woman who became my stepmom when I was 10 or so who was not ready to raise kids (though she didn't know it at the time), was very immature, etc (alhtough she never directly called me a "b * * * *" or stuff like that, she was very manipulative, blamed me for the all the problems in my family even though I was only 12 years old, and acted coldly, among other things)...it had a great impact on my selfimage when I was a young teen, so the whole "sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me" hardly ever applies to family situations.

Answer 3

Most likely these parents had it done to them as a child and it just keeps cycling every generation. They need some serious counseling (the entire family), but furthermore, abuse is abuse - whether it is physical, sexual or verbal. If you know that this is going on in someone's house, you need to talk to the parents and confront them about it. Don't just stand by and let this child take needless criticism and abuse. It's not right. If you are the one having this done to you, then you need to speak to a guidance counselor at school, a relative or someone you can trust and confide in. IT MUST STOP! No child should ever deserve this type of treatment.

Answer 4

Because they've learned it at their parents' knees. What you're deciding is verbally abusive behavior. Those parents were treated the same way and, even though they were hurt themselves, now do the same thing to their children. They feel inadequate, and that's how they express their rage at that feeling. It's not the child's fault, and the child can't control it be being more grateful or a better person. It's a vicious circle that the child, once he or she has children of their own, will need help to break.

Answer 5

Those words are extremely degrading and I don't mean any disrespect, but your parents aren't doing their job right if they are really calling you such words. Usually when parents are trying to teach their kid a lesson they don't use words like that, they explain what the child is doing wrong and then tell them what they need to do to fix it and to make sure that it doesn't happen again. Most parents are only trying to help. Maybe they use such words to get your attention, but still there is no excuse. Could your parents be drunk when using these words? If you're really the child you say you are then you need to stick up for yourself and let them know that those words hurt. If all else fails talk to someone other than your parents, try a friend, their parents, or a counselor. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.

Answer 6

Parents who decide it's okay to talk to their children this way have mental problems that they haven't acknowledged or don't know how to deal with. Most parents are angry at themselves or someone else and take it out on their children because that's easier to them than confronting the true cause of their emotional distress. Most parents don't want to put their children in distress, I suspect, but may start to feel as though their child is causing them to do this, or they are at fault and "deserve" this from the parent, when in fact, the parent has molded the child to behave in a manner that gets a negative reaction because that's the only time they get any reaction from that parent.

Answer 7

I think that is horrible and could never imagine saying that to my own children. I thought the same question the other day myself and it occured to me how horrible that is because the your family is really all you have in life as a child and you are supposed to protect your children and make them proud of themselves because no one else really cares about you as an individual in the end. So I don't see why people would try to bring their children down when life is not going to get any easier for them when they are on their own. Who would want to send their child out into the world with the thought that even their own parent thinks they are a piece of crap. That is cruel and hateful and makes me angry just thinking about it.

Answer 8

I think that some people just dont know how to handle their emotions ie anger, frustration. Just because they're your parents it doesn't mean that they know how to be great parents. I dont believe that putting a child down is right at all! I would suggest that the parents need some counselling or parenting classes and that the child should speak to a guidance counseller or such. No child is worthless !

Answer 9

Dear friend, I'm so sorry you are going though all that ( if what you said is your case). I am a parent, believe me I've never said that to my kids. I don't believe all parents do that. There is not a reason why a parent will talk in such a disrespect full manner to their kids. It is my philosophy to give respect if I want to be respected. Sometimes parents get very frustrated trying to do everything for their kids, and they don't fell their kids appreciate them enough. I've been out of my parents house thirteen years ago, and I cant appreciate enough everything they did for me and my sisters. I THANK THEM EVERY TIME WE SPEAK!. Believe me, these times might be hard for you know, but I promise you It will get better. Don't let those words hurt you too much, always try your best , impress your parents with good actions. Look to your future and focus on that. Don't let anything slow you down!! Tell them you love them. If you give enough Love you might receive enogh Love Back! Best wishes!!!!!!!!! Dolphin Girl

Answer 10

My mom used to say bad things like this to me when i was a kid. When my first was born i held him close to me and cried so hard. All i was thinking was how my mom could look at any child of hers and not feel the same love that I felt for him. I was very saddoned by the whole thing. I still look at my son now the very same why, he's the most amazing person in my life and I grew him all by myself (ok with the help of my husband hehe) we're expecting baby boy #2 in 4 weeks and I suspect i'll feel the same way. I don't have a logical answer for you except to say that the parents who do this have issues that they need to work out before they take it out on their babies.

Answer 11

Yes, parents usually treats their children in that way, which is very dangerous and harmful for childs' physcology and development. They utter bad words, humilitate their children, because they think that this is the only way that can make them keep quiet, and this method works in some extent, actually. But there is no question that that way is very harmful, and it is high likely to damage to our children's psychology.
Another possible reason is that parents were treated in the same way by their previos parents, and this treatment way passes from generation to generation, and it seems the appropriate method.
We must avoid using that humiliating and harmful method, and should accept them as individuals.
Of course, the matter can be extended but I think my answer includes two main reason.