how can you forgive your parents for messing up your head so bad?

Question

my father was emotionally unavailable and my mother was super crazy and suffered from depression and i witnessed her go through a mental breakdown. how can i forgive them? how can i stop being so angry for having a ridiculously dysfunctional childhood?

Answer 1

Get a copy of the book called "Bad Childhood, Good Life"

First Sentence:
Unfortunately, a lot of people are made to suffer as children: beatings, rapes, torture, abandonment, neglect, parental divorce and subsequent remarriage with new or stepchildren to compete with, alcoholic or drug-addicted parent(s), erratic and even dangerous consequences of parental mental illness, browbeatings, parental insensitivity, psychological and emotional assaults, parental affairs, constant family turmoil, molestations, familial violence, single parent by choice or irresponsibility, and so forth."

Answer 2

I had the same problem. My father was the same and my mother was the same as yours too. I've had trouble forgiving for years until I grew up and started having tons of responsibility and pressures of my own.. Then I realized that they are only human and did the best they could with what they had at the time. I witnessed the same things in my mom and i know it's hard but she has a chemical imbalance. I am a single mom and have two kids of my own and have bipolar, I have my moments like that even though i try to hold on and stay strong but I am only human and make mistakes and have frailties and am a product of my parents who were raised by their dysfunctional parents. All you can do is try to learn more than your parents knew to try to help raise your kids the best you can. I bet your parents didn't even have the resources and support that we do today. Just try to do better this generation around and you will make it a little better for your grandchildren generation and so on and so forth. Education is key.

Answer 3

You begin forgiving by deciding to do so. There comes a point when you have to take responsibility for your own life. Blaming your parents for a bad childhood is counterproductive. One day you will no longer be a child and then what are you going to do? Maybe show sympathy for what sounds like a very difficult life for them as well is where you begin. And trust me once you become a parent you find out how hard it really is. Life lessons come from both positive and negative experiences. Learn from them and do it better. Thank your parents for teaching you what not to do and don't repeat their mistakes.

Answer 4

I have a similar past. (You would be surprised how many people do)
The ONLY way I have been able to begin the process of healing and forgiveness is to turn to God. (Notice that I didn't say religion, rules and little prayers didn't help me much, but a relationship with one true God of the universe has allowed me to forgive and begin to move on.) God is the best dad and with Him only you can find peace and truth in all this confusion and anger. Please contact me if you want to know more about my story and how I am getting over it. God has been so good in my life. I was screwed up and in Him I now have stability and HOPE! You can have the same. It is possible!

Answer 5

I hear you, friend...my father was physically abusive and my mother was an alcoholic, and I ended up spending a good deal of my life with personality traits I never asked for.

Get therapy, seriously...I would not be here without it. It's all about talking to someone who can validate your experience and help you move through it. It's going to take some time...it took a long time to screw you up.

Forgiveness is not about them. Forgiving someone is not saying that what they did was okay and that you've gotten over it...it's all about saying that what they did was NOT okay, but you're just not going to wear that ratty old coat anymore. The best quote I ever heard was "Living well is the best revenge".

Good luck...you deserve it.

Answer 6

you may not in any respect UNDO THE previous! And parenthood is, basically, a in charge affair to strengthen up the precious little ones. on your case both are look invalid which creates pressure and anger in you! one element is for particular, there are thousands of human beings like you've in this earth. The too a lot materialistic society formed, a number of those such solid human beings in to grasping minded and depressed loopy ones. What to do? it truly is the fault of the prominent circumstances and its existence type. DO one element! sit down RELAXEDLY AND VISUALIZE THIS! in the destiny those 2 ENTITIES, YOUR MUMMY AND DADY might want to be lengthy previous FROM right here FOR EVER TO the point OF NO go back! Then, you'd be sobbing and feeling a void in on your heart for lacking their presence. If with information from that element, in case you too were a be certain you would possibly want to understand their discomfort for being concerned money, and crazeful nature for some over careworn committments. Your eyes would shed some tears then, yet too late might want to be your realisation of their inner Love and Affection, in spite of of their thousand-and-one shortcomings! MY BROTHERLY question IS, WHY CANT YOU TOLERATE THEIR CHILDLY movements FOR some better LITTLE TIME? would nicely be, you would possibly want to understand later, that your knowledge is misguided and the existential journey of this international is the different one!

Answer 7

The best thing to do is stop blaming them. Pick up the pieces of your life and move forward. How can you move to the future still living in the past? Are they really worth all the time and energy you spend worrying about what they did to you in the past? These are questions you have to ask yourself and when you find these answers you will have solved your problem! Good Luck!

Answer 8

everyone had a dysfunctional childhood in some way or another. Tell yourself you're above it, and simply forgive their mistakes and move on, knowing you will not make the same mistakes

Answer 9

Ask yourself if they loved you. The answer is probably yes. People do the best they can. If you have been loved, you can get through anything. This does not mean that you need to hang out with them all the time if it does you damage. But you can still know they love at the same time.

Answer 10

I have gone thru a similar situation - extremely dysfunctional to the point you could call it torture. When my mom died from breast cancer, my sister begged me to come before she died, so I could make peace with her. I refused, but when she did die I went to the funeral. I didn't recognize her at all, but if I had, I felt like I wanted to smash every bone in her body!!!!!!!!!!!! For me, I "forgave" her when I was 4 yrs. old & internalized severe hatred for myself, not my mom, for all the abuse. I had gone thru 22 yrs of abuse & I am in my 20th year of therapy - it took that long for me to forgive myself. I do not believe you have to forgive them in order for you to make peace with yourself. I had to relearn everything emotionally healthiness in my mind. It took a long time & I'm at the point that the memories are still with me & I still have triggers that pull me back into dysfuntion, but I try to believe in myself. Though 1st someone had to believe in me before I could believe in myself. I still turn the anger inward as a knee-jerk reaction to all the trauma I survived & I cry instead of blaming my parents, but I'm learning to let that anger come out in a healthy way - there are lots of healthy ways to let anger go - yell & scream in a car, punch a pillow to death, yell that it wasn't fair, I'd suggest doing the yelling with no one present unless it's a trained therapist!, tear up a telepone book while repeating IT'S NOT FAIR!!!, YOU DID THIS TO ME!, I HATE WHAT YOU DID TO ME!, You may want to forgive them, but you will probably never be able to forget what was done to you. I do suggest that, if you never have before, you try therapy - you can be guided to let that anger out safely, & in little managable amounts. I feel for you big time. I hope what I said helped you somewhat.