my 1 yr old son is so clingy any ideas how to stop this?

Question

i have 3 children ages 7 2 and 1 and my youngest cries all the time unless i hold him.
i cant go anywhere in the house to do my house work or play with the other two children its not like he wants to play either tho all he wants to do is sit on my knee and be cuddled and if i dont all he does is screem niether of my other two were like thos so i have no idea how to handle the situation any suggestions would be great

my 1 yr old wont let me do anything that dostn include holding him and i cant get to spend anyother time with my other two kids i have a husband who is there dad but spends little to no time with the kids

Answer 1

Children need to feel loved. If they dont feel safe and secure then they will cry when you leave them because they think you wont come back. Let your child know that you will always return. So maybe start by leaving the door open and sit in the room next door so they can still see you. and then close the door and so on. The chid needs to know you are still around and havnt abandond it.

Answer 2

It is never easy listening to our children cry - they are actually pitched at exactly the right pitch for mothers to instinctively want to soothe and console.

I woul suggest some controlled crying which is something often recommended by Health Visitors.

This basically means leaving him to cry for lengthening periods of time. Start by leaving him for 3 or 4 minutes and then go in and soothe him, let him know that you are there. Try this for a few times and then slowly increase the length of time before you go back to him. It is a tough thing for you to do and you have to stand firm and others may think it is cruel but it does work.

He will start to learn that you are not far away and you will come back and eventually he will start to calm down. Seperation issues are very hard to deal with as it normally means you, as the parent, has to stand firm.

My daughter was less than 4 ays old when the midwifes at the hospital told me that no baby ever died from crying - it sounds harsh but by using controlled crying my daughter has been sleeping through the night since she was two months old (what a blessing).

Good luck with your dealings - may they ease soon - oh and try and get your husband more involved - is there a reason he doesn't? Does he feel that it isn't his place? If you have more worries/questions about this come and check out our forum www.fabfamilies.com which has many mums on there who may be able to chat to you and help you out.

Answer 3

You need to talk with your husband about pitching in and helping with the parenting. Your youngest definitely has separation issues and it's taking away from your other two. You'll just need to put him down and let him cry. I know it sounds cruel but it's not hurting him. It will actually teach him that he is not the ruler of the house and everytime he goes to cry you won't come after him. Children learn from habit and if you are there everytime he cries for you to hold him, then you are doing more harm than good. Tell your husband to get off his lazy A*S*S and be what a father is suppose to be.

Answer 4

A very good book Click the link below

The Difficult Child

Dr Turecki is a respected authority and expert on child discipline.

This book offers practical help and advice to the parents of difficult children.

The book begins by defining a difficult child and there is a ten point check list to help parents identify the specific problems of their child.difficult child.htm

There are various chapters on different areas of conflict and he offers excellent advice to parents on how to deal with each particular problem. These include temper tantrums, problems with food, bedtime problems. Bad behavior, attention seeking, disruptive behavior etc.

He advocates through kindness a firm and sensible approach to all these problems. He believes in effective discipline and not punishment. The book is full of excellent and sensible advice. He devotes a chapter to practical advice to parents on how to get help from school the GP etc.

His chapter on Attention Deficit Disorder is very good indeed and he discusses at some length the pros and cons of medication for children.

Answer 5

Ok I know this is going to probley sound evil of me but it works. Put him down and let him cry he with either get over it or follow you around if you can't stand to listen to him cry put him in is crib shut the door and walk away only for 10 to 15 mins at a time. He is safe in there and can't get hurt so it is ok for him to cry it will not hurt him and it will give you a brake that you most deffently need. My son use to be like that as well and I just couldn't take it and I put him in his bed and walked away went outside and had a smoke. Once I got back in I was calm and I was ready to try again. It is a fase that some children seem to have to go threw I know it is hard but your other two children need you as well. Good luck and sorry if this sounds evil but it does work.

Answer 6

...you don't want to stop it. that would be foolish. you can't stop mother nature.

you are a mother for the purpose to realize this.

if you need help with the raising of children invite someone over who knows about this and share the responsibilities.

please just don't try to stop it. if you do you will delay development of the child in a way which may not be realized/recognized for years to come and it will only make your life more painfull to hear the childs cries as you divide up attentions. so.... get help.


be well to you and yours

Answer 7

It's just a phase, I'm sure your other kids must have done this too right. There's not much you can do to stop this, just be firm with him and put up with the screaming until he tires.
Remember, when he's all grown up and causing you to pull you're hair out, you'll miss these precious times, don't wish them away.

Answer 8

my son is 1 almost 2 and he did the same thing i have been weening him out of it. start off slow...(i know the screaming gives head aches) 2 times out of the day when he does it don't pick him up. let him cry for a while(don't let him hyperventilate or anything) just tell him hey (NAME) I know you want to see me but I can't hold you all the time. (or something similar) My point is that just because he is crying doesn't mean you have to pick him up. it should slowly start to stop. and you can up- how many times you don't pick him up in a day.Good luck

Answer 9

Help him to develop self-confidence. Don't do everything for him just because it would be quicker. Allow him to try. Feeding himself, drinking from a cup etc...
Let him scream. He has trained you to respond in the way he wants you to. I know that the screaming can grate on your nerves but you need to firmly tell him NO! and to stop it.
Of course he will not immediately respond the way you want him to given the fact that he has gone unchecked for quite some time.
Worst case scenario put him into daycare for a few hours a week to learn how to be without you for short periods of time and to enable you to regroup.

Answer 10

sounds like really hard work

I have to admit to resorting to television when my kids were that age. Also I used to take mine out for lots of walks in the pushchair while my wife was at home.Do you have someone else that can take him out for a bit every day
Going along to a toddlers group in a local church hall might help - he can interact with other children more