I have been hashing this around for months now. Boundaries of relationships. When I first got together with my BF, he would not tolerate me chatting with other men. I simply ignore it, because we were not serious. Now however, we are very serious, and I no longer chat with my male friends. I basically, got rid of them all. Why then can he still chat to other women? He claims these women are from his classes or his place of employment. Is this not a double standard? He puts boundaries on me, but the moment I try to do the same, it doesn't seem to fly.
2007-01-13 05:08:05 · 18 answers · asked by Java Queen 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First of all that is a sign of control.You are not an animal do not allow him to treat you as one.There is an old saying"what's good for the goose is good for the gander".Nobody has any right to try and control or change someone.You have the right to have your friend's and he has the right to have his.If you don't trust eachother then you don't belong together because without trust you have no relationship.Good luck.
2007-01-13 05:15:22 · answer #1 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
There is no easy answer to this, it depends on you! I have been married to a man for 10 years, he is the love of my life, however the same double standard applies. Not with the computer life tho, it is in person. He's a flirt to all sense of the word, however he's always been like this, and I know where his heart is!! He's got a jealous streak when it comes to me doing the same as he does. A relationship is about trust and sacrifice, as long as you know that the convo's he's having are harmless I wouldn't worry. Just be careful that the sacrifices you are making are met equally by him, (not necessarily with the comp.) just in everyday life. Think about has he given up certain things to be with you/or to show you he cares. Or is it all one sided. If so you may want to consider a change, he may just be a control freak. There are a lot of them out there. Good luck with whatever you choose, I hope it works out for you with him.
2007-01-13 05:27:45 · answer #2 · answered by lions_mouse06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you are serious about this guy and really love him, DO take the effort of sitting him down when he is in a good mood and tell him how you feel. Avoid using offensive words like "double-standards" or something...you dont want him to think you are accusing him rightaway! Tell him in clear words that you love him and he must trust you completely...and that you chatting with other men doesn't mean anything else.
If he doesn't listen, I dont see a way where you'll be happy with him and him with you!
Take care
2007-01-13 05:18:10 · answer #3 · answered by Krish 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you two need to sit down and talk. Tell him exactly how you feel...with out an attitude or getting loud. Then, ask him what he thinks about it and ask him to explain his reasoning. If you don't agree, then it might be time for counseling...some times men need to hear it from someone else...ya know? If he won't go to counseling, be done w/ the relationship. If he can't man up and have things equal on both sides in this...imagine what the rest of the area's in the relationship will eventually look like...
2007-01-13 05:15:12 · answer #4 · answered by Erin D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not in serious relationship but i think i have answer to your problem.i think he is expecting u to give up all your friends and classmates just for him.if u can stand him keep him if you cant then dump him since he is practically taking advantage of u just cuz u two are bf & gf, but if u do dump him dont be too harsh on him cuz he just probably jealous or afraid of losing u or can tell him the truth
2007-01-13 05:36:23 · answer #5 · answered by dragondestoyer95 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him and tell him that if you guys are in a serious relationship then you need to take the other persons feelings serious too. Tell him that you do not like him talking to these other girls so much & maybe he will stop if you let him know more often. Just dont push him into making him not talk to them because he will end up getting mad. But give it time & eventually he will stop talking to them so much & if he doesnt then start talking to your guy friends again...
2007-01-13 05:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
In a serious relationship you shouldn't have to get rid of any of your friends.....unless they're more than friends.
In any relationship you should be able to be who you really are and keep your life basically the way it was as long as you show your partner respect.
Either you both play by the same rules or maybe it's time to leave.
2007-01-13 05:15:04 · answer #7 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is trying to take control of who ur friends are and what u do and pretty soon hes going to be calling u every 5 seconds to c who ur with, asking u where uve been everytime u leave the house...etc. I say dump him cuz it sounds like hes makin u shut all ur "social doors" or watever and just stay at home while he goes off and does watever he wants.
2007-01-13 05:18:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's pretty horrible. It is a double standard and you know it. He doesn't trust you. No trust leads to bad relationship. Move on. You shoulda done that in the beginning.
2007-01-13 05:14:20 · answer #9 · answered by Dido 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like he's not ready for a serious relatioship then. if he cant respect that fact you have male friends while he has female friends, he cant truly be ready for it. you need to have a serious talk with him about it.
my hubby knows that i talk to men and have men friends. just because we talk to the opposite sex, doesnt mean we are having sex with them. some men just dont get it and its those that I say need to grow up!
if your man still dont get the picture and will not let you have male friends while he has his female friends, he's not worth it!
2007-01-13 05:21:05 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋