How can I tell my BF he needs to do more for his son?

Question

My bf lets his very obese son eat whatever he wants.He also lets the boy, who 12 but slow for his age, watch R rated movies and play M rated video games. All of this is starting to really bother me.But every time I try to say something he says"You dont have kids!! You dont know how to raise kids!" He shows little concern over the boy difficulty in getting along with others, just tries to blame the other person"They must have offended him" When the boy said the F word to a teacher my BF said, "He wasnt feeling well that day, she should have left him alone"

Answer 1

Did your boyfriend go through any of this as a child? He could have some childhood issues that need to be dealt with by a counselor or therapist so the cycle doesn't repeat itself.

He may be spoiling him to "make up" for what went wrong between mother and father. Is he the custodial parent, or does he just see him on the weekends? Most weekend dads feel the constant need to make up for lost time, and don't want to involve discipline or restraint in the short time they see each other.

How does the child's mother react in these situations? If she and your bf get along, they need to sit down and talk about how the boy is to be raised and disciplined, at least in the general sense. Video games and movies need to be discussed. The rating system is in place for a reason...encourage both of them to use them as a guideline.

When your bf says you don't have kids and don't know how to raise them, don't react emotionally. Stay calm and with a soft voice, tell him this is his first time, too. You are in the family, in the role as stepmother, as long as you are in a relationship with him. He has to acknowledge that.

Once you are established as such, you may want to encourage family counseling. Not just for your bf, or the boy alone, but for all three of you. Singling them out makes them feel like it's their fault and something is wrong with them, which usually ends up with hurt feelings and no resolution. Blended families have their own set of problems and sometimes need outside help for everyone involved in order for it to work.

I hope you find the help you need. Good Luck and Blessings

Answer 2

You sounds like a very sweet and concerned and caring person. I can guess that your boyfriend loves his son but is extremely defensive about his parenting abilities which just doesnt fly far. He sounds like he is the one who doesnt know how to be a father. You both have completely different ideas on how to raise children and that is going to be a major problem later in life if you two decide to procreate. You sound like your going to be a good mom though. The boy has some issues..low self esteem etc. I would suggest standing in personally..do something positive..cook only healthy meals and have no snacks in the house..go for walks with his son every night after dinner or take your bf too, help his son be more motivated by being a friend and help him to meet other people..research ways to build his self esteem. Dont buy any more video games. R movies are pretty common now a days but thats to bad. When the dad sees how hard you are working to take care of his son he will hopefully join in. If he blows up nicely say you are trying to help his son because you care for him and that might calm him down. Good luck.

Answer 3

omg, this child needs to be put in sports and to loose some weight. did you know that children now a days are watching more than 45 hours of tv in a week?!?!?! that's more than a full time person works in a week, and did you know that if that child gets out of the house (even to walk down to the video store one hour one way one hour back) 3 times a week that's 6 hours of physical exercise that child can get. As for the language you have got to sit that father down and tell him how to raise a teenager because that child will be the next town rebel if you guys let it continue to happen. Just be glad he hasn't started on drugs and alcohol yet.

Answer 4

If you've brought it up and he still has not changed the behavior, it's very unlikely he ever will. It sounds like he's being lazy when it comes to being a father. It's easier to let his son do what he wants than to tell him no or discipline him. Unfortunately it sounds like your in a situation that you either have to accept it or get out of the relationship. It's very sad really. He'll son will end up obese, stupid and lazy. Good luck!

Answer 5

you are dating this loser?

It's scum like this that make kids turn into criminals, not so much the movies and the games (I did both of those things when I was 12), but the lack of responsibility and morals that the parent is teaching the kid.

Tell the dude to go f*ck himself and that he wouldn't even take care of his own son, and then leave him.

If you continue dating this guy, you are just aiming to deal with worse and worse things... not to mention you arn't showing much on the side of brains.

Answer 6

loks like the guy is irresponsible ,and needs some lessons in parenting
but we cant do that from here ,if you care for the kids .looks like you are their only c hance ,better get ready to have a battle with the boyfriend
use womenly threats if you know what i mean .like not cooking for him etc.until he sees reason ,its not his life we are talking about its the young ones

Answer 7

God what a bad father, do you want him to be dad to your kids. ? he needs to grow up and get help about parenting, he is not doing his son any favors.

Answer 8

I would rethink your relationship with this guy. Would you want him to be a father to your kids? Probably not.

Answer 9

sounds like your b/f needs to take some parenting classes

Answer 10

that is child neglect. i could never be with a man that does not handle his responsibilities whether it is being a father or anything else.

report him to child services.