I looked thru his internet history. The other day he looked all over craigslist for men seeking men. I even saw that two of them he clicked on the reply (the link turns from blue to purple).
I also saw that he watched some gay porn clips.
Im heartbroken... we have been together for two years!!! We have talked about getting married and having kids. If he's gay or bi and SEEKING it I dont want to catch some disease cause he has fantasies he is fullfilling behind my back.
He has always told me that men hit on him, but that he's not gay. I dont know what to do... he's at work right now and I am thinking of confronting him about it when he gets home. Im scared!
2007-01-13 04:48:52 · 17 answers · asked by CaliGirli 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He is bi curious or possibly gay.
Get use to the idea and don't deny it to yourself.
I dated a man that hid it well for a very long time. You can be slightly feminine and not be gay. But going to gay sights is repulsive to a man if he is not at least wanting to try it and finds it sexually appealing.
Gay men like getting married sometimes, particularly if they don't want others to know or suspect. They also think that it might make them straight if they force themselves to be "straight".
BUT: it is genetic...and you will not change him.
Do you want a husband that is attracted to men?Are you comfortable with a guy that might find his other side in 10 years or so?
I got engaged to that man. I loved him more than anything. We wanted kids. He was a great guy and my very best friend. I let him go.....and I gave him the reasons. He went on to become gay and have gay significant others. We stayed very close....and I was friends with his gay friends after years. There was no other that has been like him...but that was a long time ago...and after we broke up...he got HIV (back when they knew little about it) and he died.
That is just how it is....I don't want you to get a surprize later in life. He may not be sexually unaccountable. He may be very safe...but having a husband that is attracted to just you is essential. I know...I put up with it for two years. Then I said, no more, I want better.
He has shown the tendency. Make the move for him. He may not be ready to experiment yet...but he will. If he isn't he will show it in other ways besides denying it all.
By the way, why would you check his internet...for no reason. You must be suspicious. NOT nice! Just ask. He will deny...but better to be honest. He is gay...or will be.
Just make the decision to be with a man that is sexually attracted to just you. You will thank yourself later. I did....and I have absolutely no regrets.
By the way, I know a gay man ( years ago) that decided and shared with me that he was going to get married and have a family. He was well educated (pharmacist) and dated an ex-miss north carolina. He married her. What does she think? I hate to know.
Do what is best for you.
2007-01-13 05:06:32 · answer #1 · answered by kishoti 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He may not be bisexual or a praticing gay and you can't assume too much yet, so don't jump to all sorts yet!
However, do probe and don't directly confront him by saying (or start by saying) that you have checked his Internet history and blah blah blah.... Do talk with him and subtle confront / raise issues by just naturally talking openly about your relationship, sexual relationship and sexual fantasies etc. Express some of your views on bi sexual-ness, monogamy and play involving others etc and see how open and what his views are. Maybe watch some porn with him to help discuss sex etc..
Why not ask him what does he feel (and say what you feel) about bisexuals and about the guys coming onto him thing, he maybe gives off wrong vibes. Altough I think guys coming on to him, and the gay porn is a suspect indication though, so he may be trying to tell you something he not sure about and he is maybe trying to deal with things he is not sure how to handle.
If you both have and can develop a good relationship then it / he may come out. If you love between each other you find a way to discuss, share or deal with anything. It will not be easy but be patient, don't plough in right away by saying, you think or by asking is he really gay / bi sexual.
The real question is if he is gay / bisexual could you accommodate / accept and deal with this?
Hope this helps
Best of Luck,
Be calm, brave and above all not brutal!
You'll be fine!
2007-01-13 13:38:22 · answer #2 · answered by Gem of Wisdom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps it was someone else looking that used your internet. Perhaps not. If you want to avoid the confrontation I think I found a way. Have the internet disconnected. Through the years I've had the internet. I've used it alot. But you know what? It's really more of a toy now. Hell, I use it to play games. I thought I needed it for ebay to make a load of money & that never panned out LOL! I think I've reached the end of the internet. It's nice for email, entertainment, etc. But, it's really not an essential. Maybe with the internet gone & a bottle of wine or something you can rekindle those flames & find each other. Hell, I should take my own advice as well & maybe I will. She's spending 4 days caring for her mother who has MS though so it won't be til next week LOL! Best wishes & good luck.
2007-01-13 13:04:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be very carefull on how you approach talking to him, if he is bi curious and has never told anyone than it may be a embarrasing shock that may make the problem worse for both of you.
He may not be "gay" but maybe seeking somthing he is not getting from you.
Ask him if there is anything missing from your relationship, and let him know you would do anything to help.
On the other hand, If your man is cheating with anyone you should find out. I would suggest letting him catch you finding web activity of his and question it without accusation.
If this contiues i would download a internet spying program that will trace every key stroke.
good luck
2007-01-13 13:00:11 · answer #4 · answered by wetcoast 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there will be many who will come on here and tell you not to worry and that his sexual practices are normal.
you however are very right to be concerned. many of the gays men and woman will find a straight person to pair up with so as to cover there secret lives as homosexuals.
a brief very brief discussion with this man is in order . i suggest that you don't mention that you saw what you did on the computer and that you just ask him if he is gay or some like to call it bi . If he says no then leave right then.
If the man says yes he is gay then i would allow him time to talk briefly before i left for good and went and had my first or at least 3 aids tests and std test.
that relationship will only take you to sadness and perhaps death.
2007-01-13 13:00:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is with you and you have an active sex life, he is not gay. He may be bisexual, and he is definitely curious since he is visiting CL's M4M pages. Now.. are you sure it was him ? May be someone else using that same computer did.. And are you sure he responded to them? I am very straight myself but I have looked at the M4M ads on CL out of curiuosity, nothing sexual, just like I looked at W4W and all other sections. As far as STDs go, ALWAYS protect yourself regardless, unless you are in a very securely monogamous relationship with a partner and you have both reliably tested negative for all STDs. Having an STD is no joke, especially the more serious ones like deadly HIV or cancer-causing HPV!
Good luck.
2007-01-13 12:56:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well it sounds like he could be either bisexual or curious. The only way to find out is to confront him about it and if he denies it show him the proof by pulling up the history on the computer.
FYI, diseases are not only in the gay community. There are a lot of straight people that are contracting STD's everyday.
2007-01-13 12:57:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You write you are heartbroken! wait a second. you explained what you saw twenty steps ahead in the most horrible direction for you and your marriage plans.
listen to a man (hetero) who has liberate sex-fantasies:
There is a big difference between imagery one looks at, fantasies one has and real things one wants to do sexually.
You don't know why he looks at gay porn. That he breaks your heart is an interpretation; it is what you do with this fact. It is most probabe that he loves you no matter what and will be an attractive partner, who will be attracted to you. Give him the privacy and trust that you gave him allready. He may have his secret curiosities. He might only watch gay porn to check out the sizes of penisses of other men. Maybe he enjoys the beauty of male bodies in an estetic way, but would not ever think of having sex with one. Maybe he liked to watch muscly types as a role model, because he wants to be a strong man himself for you. So let's say "curious" might very well be the answer.
Things that turn people on on the internet ... i've seen movies of girls having a strapon dildo who are ******* a man in his @ss, girls licking a cactus, there is gay, threesome, transexuals (people with penis AND breasts; type shemale in google and switch the family filter off.)
And all of this just to serve curiosity, for people who use it as their horror movie, as a turnon, as their wisdom about what is going on in other peoples minds, to check out if they are normal or not.....
Well, reading this, your boyfriend hasn't been looking for the most -let's say- experimental stuff. And even so i wouldn't be worried. I am very curious and quite openminded in these things, so just wanted to know all the bullshit that the internet offers. To find out in the end that some things turn me on, but that nothing compares to building a stable relationship with my girlfriend, and that the love we feel in our sex is a million times more interesting than anything in pornography. And still i watch once in a while. Just curious.
Remember: this does not imply his attraction and love to you are less. He can love you and be attracted to you and have some curiosity or fantasies in any direction.
If you feel alienated, or have problems trusting him, talk it through openly. Best might be to have sex, and in the afterplay (wich might then also become the foreplay for a second round) share your fantasies with him, and the things you liked from what he just did to you, and share what you might want to try more, what you are curious about. Tell him that you are open to his ideas as well. To me this moment in between is the best to talk about it and feel least shy.
If this is all too unnatural to you and you feel like really threatened by him (maybe) watching gaymovie (beware: he might even have clicked it and changed his mind, because he thought "eeeh no rather not, it might disgust me"), then maybe just tell him what you saw in the internet history, and ask him what attracts him in that. Just tell him it is okay please, and you may know that allmost every man i know has watched pornographic stuff on the internet once or more. Maybe: The more curious the more interesting for you.
Relax, open up, talk, have fun!
you'll have a great marriage,
Dr. Aram
2007-01-13 13:21:44 · answer #8 · answered by Dr. Aram, from Holland with love 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he has feminine tendencies that you have seen or acts more femme than you he is gay. If he has strong sex with you after being on sites and he shows no femme traits he is bi. Also, if he is asking for you to do new things to him (especially anything dealing with his anus) If he has been hit on by men and been on the site, but no other outwardl y traits are shown then he is just curious. In any case you should just ask him. Start talking to him about his past and work up to the present to see where he stands emotionally and physically. 'Remember don't assume, ask.'
2007-01-13 13:00:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well you need to confront him communication is everything in a relationship if he is with you then he must have some interest in girls right .... but if he is loOKing at men to then i would say he is bi now you need to ask yourself this .... are you ok with it and do you stay with him and allow him to see other men because you know that is what he will do you never know it might even be a turn on for you to see him in action good luck but definitely talk to him about it
2007-01-13 12:55:56 · answer #10 · answered by 1401 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋