Should my nephue marry this girl?

Question

This is a long story. First of all is her home life. Her Mother has been married several times and all of her kids have different There are 6 kids. Mom has been in jail many times. On drugs and is an alcoholic cusses like a drunk sailor.This girl has two uncles in prison, her Father is in prison.Her sisters have children and not married.Her brother has gotten several girls pregnant and not taken care of the babies.This girl has been on Meth, Pot, LSD, and any thing she can get ahold of. She is not pregnant so my Nephue doesn't have to maarry her. He wants to give her a stable home live. She has never been to church. I and my Step-sister are afraid that with her home life she won't make a very good wife. She is very loyal to her family. even the uncle who is in prison for raping her when she was little.Whew! I know this sounds like a soap opera. But it is real life.I could like this girl if she would clean up her filthy mouth and dress like a lady instead of a hooker.

If this were your nephue would you try to discourage the marriage? They are both 20 years old.

Sorry no spell check when you add details Nephew! I forgot to add tha her mother hit her so hard it bloodied her lip when she told her Mom that her Mom's latest live in boyfriend tried to kiss and touch her where he shouln not have. The Mother also pulled her hair and called her a slut. This girl still wants to be around this kind of mother. Can she change?

I don't think that I am an outsider! My family is aslo very close and yes my Father is a preacher!

I just don't want my grandchildren to hear that word that starts with F and ends with K every other word. I love my sisters son and I want him to be happy. But this girls Grandma married her own Son-in-Law. It is a different life style than what I am use to. I guess that makes me a bad person I expscted this.

The Grandma has tatoos all over her body and she always has a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and she uses that F word litke crazy. I am trying not to judge and I pray that my Nephuew can help this girl. The Lord knows she need some positive family life but she needs to know that word can not be used. If I am a prude then I am a prude, I don't like filthy words.

Answer 1

hello,
well all right....i am 27 and 2 daughters by 2 different fathers.....i understand that the mother of the girl isn't any one that you would look up too but the girl could actually change....she may not be marring material but you have too let him decide that for his self...if you discourage it it may push him into it more and more.....but the different fathers has nothing to do with the situation of the nephew........i was also one of the girls that would do any type of drug that i could when i was younger it is a phase that some people go thruogh and some do not have the will power to get off the drugs and some do....i did it for my 11 year old to make a difference in her life....but some mothers choose their drug habbit over their children so there is a lot of hope for her.....and if you could put a positive influence into her maybe she can change over time she needs support and for people to be there for her and not put her down....she hasn't had the right influence and your not being one either by putting her down......be supportive of her and show her you care about her well being......show her how to respect her self and that men look at her as an peice of meat instead of saying she looks like trash she needs to know how to dress so she don't look so trashy and maybe no one has tought her....television don't teach young girls how to respect what they look like only what men want to see....but it doesn't tell them that they look like a sl**......so please help her instead of shunning her away.....help her to respect and show her if she does it every one else will do the same.....give her time to heal her self when you help her and i promis she will be a better person.....good luck

Answer 2

Damn! You should call Lifetime so that they can make a movie out of her ****** up life. But all joking aside, with everything that you've written about the girl, your nephew should leave her and let her be. The marriage would probably never work out to begin with. There's nothing wrong in your nephew trying to help this girl out, but sometimes some people are just beyond help. Only God can change her. When God has cleaned up her filth, its only then that your nephew can consider marrying her. Talk some sense into him. Afterwards call Lifetime, they live for this type of drama (lol). Good luck!

Answer 3

If they do have children someday they can stay at her folks house on the weekends. Maybe even at their great uncles place sometimes. They will be exposed to the lifestyle mentioned above while they are growing up. Your nephew will not see things for how they really are until it is too late so try your best to help him along, but you have a good chance to ruin your friendship with him in the process.

Answer 4

You sound like a christian or catholic, yet here you are judging !!!!!!! Does not the bible say to look first at the log in your own eye not the splinter in your neighbour's and judge not lest ye be judged.
What does it matter that her mother has children to different fathers( I think that is what you were trying to say). So what.
So her family history isnt that great who cares.
So she's used drugs so what? Do you not think what was done to her by her Uncle has caused her problems that she's been unable to deal with and turned to drugs like so many other abused kids?
Do you not think she would be better of with someone that loves her and supports her and is willing to help her.
Where is your christian understanding and compasion? Of course YOU went to CHURCH so obviously you have none. Good on the girl for not going to church all they teach you there is to judge people.
Obviously your nephew wants to marry her which means there is more to her than you see. Do you not think she could be putting up a front to other people so as not to get hurt or abused again?
Of course she is loyal to her family, that is a good trait in someone whatever their background.For a family to go through so much and for a little girl to go through so much in one short life. Thats the automatic reaction you protect your family.
Talk to your nephew and ask him why he loves her, what he see's in her, what her nice qualities are.

Look not everyone has been blessed to have a 'perfect life' many people have to suffer through bad relationships, abuse, poverty, addictions. Not everyone can have life go they want or expected it to go. But you cant judge them for that. Try and understand her, get to know her, maybe ask her to stop swearing as much. Does she really dress like a hooker or are you just a prude???

What I think is you need to get over yourself, get to know the girl, talk to your nephew and see what he see's in her. And stop being so judgmental.
PS Not going to church is not a crime.

Answer 5

I would ask her if you and she alone might have a frank discussion. Then tell her of your concerns - the main ones, not this blow-by-blow story. If she does so meet you, treat her as your equal and not as though you will decide anything based on that discussion. You and your son must decide after that. Remember, she - herself - seems to have done nothing except have a regrettable family life and influences. Paul

Answer 6

Sorry i don't mean to be bias or anything. BUT HELL NO!!!!!! Get your nephew far far away from her. She needs to clean up her life b4 she enters a long term relationship.

Answer 7

i think it is up to ur nephew to decide but make sure u play a role in his decision. try to reason with the girl if he chooses to marry her.

Answer 8

if they have only known eachother for like 2 years tell them they should wait longer to get to know each other more?

Answer 9

u should judge someon eby their family. mabey she just needs a friend and not someone who will go on yahoo answers and ask about her

Answer 10

This is strictly the business of those involved. Not of outsiders!
Wow! Are YOU judgmental. And religious too? Yikes....