First I want to say that I am here with my friend (on her answers, because I don't have my own and haven't actually had any use for it up until now), but I want to know what I need to do.
Secondly, before I begin, I am not looking for someone to feel sorry for me or confirm any thoughts I may have.
Okay, I am engaged. I love this person more than anything in the universe. I want to marry him so much, and I am 150% sure that he does love (reguardless of some of the answers I'm going to get).
But last night, we had an argument. He lied about something. He didn't do anything terrible, but the fact that he lied is what sparked it all. I mean, trust is important, right?
Things progressed to the point where I was pushed, thrown, bit, kicked, threatened, smacked, etc. all because I demanded an explaination. I was absolutely horror struck....I couldn't even believe that something like THAT (that he did) could make him so mad. Today, I'm so sore.
I'm writing more..
2007-01-13 02:30:37 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Lk I said, I'm so sore...I have bruises and scrapes...my head hurts so much...I haven't eaten in forever....I'm 3 hrs away from my parents. And my whole world feels absolutely crushed.
We got engaged, and I came to live w/ him (because my mom was doing some of the same EXACT stuff to me at home, and I couldn't take it...and my friends are to wild, etc.)
I'm just 21. I'm looking at my engagement ring right now, and I want to keep it so bad. And I know it was just last night, so I should wait until I'm thinking more clearly, but I swear, I'm absolutely in shock. I feel like I have nothing in the world. I want to go to a different country a million miles away and go where nobody knows my name.
My question is, as cliche as it sounds, what should I do? I can't think. I can't move. I don't know what to do. I love him more than anything in the world. Today he feels terrible, but I have more respect for myself than that.
Suggestions? I know it seems kinda DUH...
2007-01-13 02:34:48 · update #1
but I've gone out w/ him nearly 6 years, and he just started doing this.
Just, somebody, please give me some advice. That's all I want.
2007-01-13 02:35:28 · update #2
He's the only person I've been with. He's basically the only person I have.
I'm embarassed to tell anyone...and incase a miracle happens, I don't want my family to hate him. I just don't know.
2007-01-13 02:38:18 · update #3
For the record, I do not want "help" or anything like that (no sarcasm)....I am a girl who has her head screwed on strait, but I said, I'm in shock. I'm okay...I just need advice. That's all.
2007-01-13 02:41:25 · update #4
He hit you because you said something in front of his friends...Dump him now...If the little stuff sets him off, what happens when its a big deal??? Run don't walk....
2007-01-13 02:48:35 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The only reason your still there is because you feel you cant do anything else or cant go anywhere. There is no WAY YOU SHOULD STAY, if he does that thats how hes shows love, Please get away before its too late and your dead. You have no committment to sstay, he did this because you have no where to go, and he knows it, he thinks you wll never leave him and that your stuck there. Be strong and show him you can move on there are plenty of places that will help you including friends. How can you love one that beats you and, even though its only once , that once to much. It also appears that he taking your self esteem away and then he will take your soul, You will be totally controlled and the abuse will get worse in all aspects. Leave while you can dont get married to say you are and that you feel you have no one or any other choice..feel free to contact me for more advise
2007-01-13 02:49:38 · answer #2 · answered by P_a94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I really have to say that I'm sorry for you and the situation you are in right now.
And I have an advice: think about yourself and try to find the best situation for you.
Just think it a little bit: If he has done this now, he'll do it again. Maybe not in the first 10 years of marriage, but later on. Do you really want to be with a guy who has humiliated you in this way ? You'll never be safe with him.
I know it sounds aw full right now, just try to get another guy who would never ever do this. And by the way, maybe you are too young to marry him, don't you think? There are a lot of guys in the world. Maybe you'll find a better one. I'm sure about that. Just try to get to know more people in the upcoming future.
Be strong!
I hope u'll find helping what I've written.
2007-01-13 02:45:43 · answer #3 · answered by another_angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I didn't read it all it's just too long but from what I did read he lied to you in an argument, right?
Woopty doo. in the heat of an argument things are always said that is never ment and lies fly out of the mouth before you know it's happened. It's human nature.
Don't judge people for what they say in a fight or you'll be complicating matters yourself and that could lead to more trouble.
Best thing is to forget every thing that was said in that argument and only remember the things it was truly about besides, as you probably know, the best part of any argument in a relationship is the making up.
2007-01-13 02:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by Kevin A 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to have a serious think. stay with your friend for now and tell your fiance you need time to clear your head. You love him. If in the past six years he has never ever done a thing like this (and be honest with yourself here) then you need to know why. I am not excusing his behaviour, what he did to you was terrible. is he under alot of stress or pressure? has something happened recently to upset him? If you decide to go back to him you need to be sure. Dont become a victim. If it isnt the first time something like this has happened then please find stregnth to leave. If it is the first time and you make the decision to go back then get some proffesional help and guidence. See a relationship counsellor. find out what went wrong. Only you can make the decision. Good luck, stay safe and be happy. dont brush what has happened under the dcarpet, you need to resolve this one way or the other.
2007-01-13 02:45:35 · answer #5 · answered by katyllou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go see a counselor. Tell the counselor what you are feeling and then have him meet you there so the counselor can talk to you both. If this is just now starting up it may because of other things in his life that you dont know about that he needs help with. If he truely wants to make this better he will go to see someone.
Then for everyones sake do what the counselor suggests and do whats best for you yourself.
This is not about you getting help. This is about him getting help, and you being there to support him in that. I have seen this with millitary guys that I have known and they just needed some good counseling.
If you leave him he will just go and do this to someone else... I believe that it is possible to fix peolples bad habbits but you need to stop it NOW and you need to set up a way that you can have his behavior monitored. Help him to get better even if you two are not going to stay together.... If you have loved him like you say you do then you owe him a little help seeking professional assistance
2007-01-13 02:43:48 · answer #6 · answered by workmanbe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah he feels terrible today but will it happen again?
the whole thing that he didn't do anything terrible and when you demanded an explination it didn't go ever too well to say the least...
i'd say take some time to clear your head and to think about what happened... and make sure you talk to him about how you feel and let him know how bad he hurt you emotionally and physically..
trust is everything and it's hard to trust someone who hurt you
i personally don't know what i would do really... probably try my best to give him a 2nd chanceonly for the fact it was the first time he had done it... but i still think it would be hard for me to face him knowing he could hurt me like that.. i'd worry it would happen again
even if you love him.. that is not something that you should shrug off and forget.. in my opinion.. no one who loves you should ever hurt you
2007-01-13 02:46:04 · answer #7 · answered by pnlk123 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well he just may love u but so what if he puts his hands on u then he's nothing and u dont need to marry someone who's already has domestic violence issues. U should be glad that u seen this ahead of time.i'm sorry but I can love a man all day long and he can love me but if he hits me and does things you've described I can forget all about him because I'm no ones punching bag and he's a..........you know what for putting his hands on a woman. All of this just because u wanted answers, what will he do if it's something major? Girl find someone to respect u, yeah he loves u but does that include beating u up too?
2007-01-13 02:38:45 · answer #8 · answered by SingleMommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi. This is enough/ stop immidiately/ Time is a big healer but if u go ahead with him /u will repent ur whole life/Keep distance{if u want to hve another try/It will not be worth/The world is very smal u will find someone to take care of u/Go n look for caring person/ forget the past/ such people r not trustworthy. Ask me again if u feel fit R
2007-01-13 02:45:45 · answer #9 · answered by raashi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first off, i must admit i'm not surprised that you still love him despite what happened. for some reason, abused women still love the guys they are with, accept what's happening and continue to stay in the relationship. i just don't understand it. i think the answers you're going to get here are predictable and i know you know this. you already implied it. anyway, i'm still going to tell you what i think. he may say he's sorry. he may seem to love you. but girl, is the pain that you're feeling now worth it. you're dealing with both emotional and physical pain. wouldn't you rather be in a relationship without all that drama. you may love him but you should love yourself more. you're better off without him honey. it can hurt leaving someone and deciding to do it is difficult but whichever way you look at it, it will always be the right thing to do. it may not be easy, but hey, the reward that comes with something that caused conflict, confusion and pain is much more satisfying. think long term. think of yourself! you're young. life still has a lot of cards to deal you. aces will soon come your way.
2007-01-13 02:51:33 · answer #10 · answered by Gel G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love shouldnt hurt like that. Relationships are based on trust, and if you cant start a marriage with honesty, then there is no use of trying. BUT, he had no right to physically harm you just because you were wanting an answer. I dont know how you approached him, but i seriously think you should end it...before he does something worse.
2007-01-13 02:45:54 · answer #11 · answered by CY 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋