I help my son with his rentals and bookkeeping. I help my daughter with babysitting her 9 & 12 yr. old. My husband with all his self employed paper work. My mother with all her paper work. All without pay. At the end of the day, I'm tired working for everyone. When I call them to go out to eat or to a movie or shop or something fun, they are all to busy. But when it comes to me putting on a big party at my house, they are all here to party and I pay for it all. I feel I should get a real job and go back to work and forget them all. And just take care of myself.
2007-01-13 02:09:13 · 24 answers · asked by Annie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Amen sister, been there done that...and THEY got the t shirt.
I sat down with myself and figured out what and how much I enjoyed doing and then limited the amount of time I 'donated' to babysitting and helping out and even the parties got toned down. If someone is making money from what you do, like bookkeeping and paperwork, then its only fair to ask them to put it on a businesslike basis and... hold on now...charge them an hourly fee.
If they raise a fuss, and they will, tell them you decided to see about going into business for yourself as a bookeeper for small businesses and this is going to be your rate.
They will either have to do it themselves or hire someone and thats not your call, but at least you will have their respect and although they will not like it at first, they will in time grudgingly come to understand it.
Always take care of yourself first, its just too easy for others to impose on you if you let them.
Remember, if Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
Words to live by.
2007-01-13 02:24:56 · answer #1 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your feelings, but let's face it, you've set the pattern yourself. You teach people how to treat you by your actions. You've put this dynamic in motion, and only you can change it. So, you can do it gradually, occasionally telling people "no, I've got something else going on" and over time doing it more and more (Which is probably how you got in this situation to begin with) OR you can just do it abruptly, go get a job, and tell everyone that they will have to find another way to handle all the things you were doing. It won't be easy either way, but to expect everyone else to just up and see the light is unrealistic, especially if you are just now realizing it yourself.
2007-01-13 02:16:18 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The next time someone asks you for a favour... try casually addressing your situation. Say something like "Mom, did you ever notice that the only time we get together is when you want me to do your paperwork?" or "Maybe the next time you call me it'll be to invite me out for a coffee instead of babysitting your kids?" Honestly, sometimes a small thing like that will wake people up. Chances are good that they don't realize this is even how you feel. Make it clear. They're taking advantage of you because you let them.
2007-01-13 02:19:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amen, Sister! Just be prepared for the big blow ups. EVEN WHEN we explain nicely, and people start to ge the picture from your angle, they will rebel against change.
You may need to move out for a while.
Having a phone number that you don't give out is a great idea.
No, I'm serious about this.
You created ALL of these monsters, and you will have to shut them all outif you are ever going to keep your head screwed on straight!
Good luck!
2007-01-13 02:20:39 · answer #4 · answered by starryeyed 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a problem similar to yours......You need to think about what you want and what makes you happy in life and start living for your self instead of for others who are just using you at the time(even though they are family). If you stop doing for them and start doing for your self you will be a lot more happy, and sooner or later they will miss you not being there and will want to do anything with you. Life is too short to waste on things your not happy with....thats what life is right, the persuite of happiness. So live, love, laugh, and be happy(for you)
2007-01-13 02:22:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have got the idea! You knew this a long time ago, but you just felt bad, because it's your family. Here's what you do! Hopefully, your phone has caller id! you only answer to those, who won't ask you for anything! You are are the Princess, you have done enough already! Think of yourself. If they don't like it, hey they have 2 feet, let them go do whatever they want! because you are the Princess (Don't be a Queen, it sounds to Mature!)
2007-01-13 02:19:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to have a family meeting or individual meetings with these people and let them know how you feel, and what exactly you would like to change.
You need to be heard. Refuse to help them anymore you are a mom and wife, and not Wonderwoman! If you have a problem with them, you need to let them know it, and make them stick to the new rules. Take care of yourself and refuse to be a doormat. I would tell them that you feel like a doormat, maybe they would get your point then? I hope it works out!
2007-01-13 03:06:35 · answer #7 · answered by Cuppycake♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My Son is 21 and in College and yesterday...Daddy I need a $100.00 oh yea right like it grows on trees. I gave it to him.
On Fathers Day last year I didn't even get a phone call or a card.
They'll learn when Daddy is gone and Dead.
2007-01-13 02:14:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is just say No!!!People canonly take advantage of you if you let them.I know i have family that will do the same thing....just dont do it for them,and if they give you a hard time tell them you have a life yourself and its not doing their stuff.
2007-01-13 02:13:15 · answer #9 · answered by Chi-Chi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Next time they ask you to do something say you're busy and if they start catching your drift bring this up. It will surely make them feel a bit guilty
2007-01-13 02:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by George C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋