People who don't spank?

Question

SPANKING DOESN'T WORK
Many studies show the futility of spanking as a disciplinary technique, but none show its usefulness. In the past thirty years in pediatric practice, we have observed thousands of families who have tried spanking and found it doesn't work. Our general impression is that parents spank less as their experience increases. Spanking doesn't work for the child, for the parents, or for society. Spanking does not promote good behavior, it creates a distance between parent and child, and it contributes to a violent society. Parents who rely on punishment as their primary mode of discipline don't grow in their knowledge of their child. It keeps them from creating better alternatives, which would help them to know their child and build a better relationship. In the process of raising our own eight children, we have also concluded that spanking doesn't work. We found ourselves spanking less and less as our experience and the number of children increased.

Answer 1

Mind your business and leave me alone. If you choose not to spank your child, good for you. Let me determine whats best for me and my kids. I was spanked as a kid and I'm better off because of it. I still have the utmost love and respect for my parents and appreciate the fact that they were my parents and not my best friends.

Answer 2

I answered a question on spanking earlier. The bible says to use the rod of discipline. If you don't spank the child, then you don't love them. Discipline is what this world is lacking today.
To many kids are taking over the home, because parents don't know there place. God disciplines those he loves. Parents must teach their children the rights and wrongs of life. Discipline should be done with balance, and with love. Talk to your kids and show them you love them. We hate the bad they have done, not them. If they still don't listen to us talk, then as a last resort a spanking should be given.
To each his own. But believe me, alot of people who were not spanked as a child, turn out rebellious, and spoiled.
After our kids get a spanking, they apologize, and still love us.
This is because they know we love them so much, that we discipline them, even when we feel hurt giving the discipline.

Answer 3

Spanking can never be the primary discipline tactic. It can just be a rare occurence to stop a child from doing something outrageously dangerous, and then too one has to be gentle. THe purpose is not to punish the child but to teach him or her and every parent should remember that.

Answer 4

You have way overstated the strength of the studies and research.

I have actually spent quite a bit of time looking at the spanking research. All the studies finding "it will destroy your child and society" are at best inconclusive and at worst deeply flawed. Yet these are promoted as fact so much by the media and pop psychologists that it is now pretty much taken as fact. Even parents who spank often feel to the need to "only spank as a last resort."

There are actually very good studies that spanking is not only not harmful, but is the best way to get kids to comply with their parent's wishes.

You can see my review of the spanking research and literature at http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-GgIFACYzfqWx8YwvtspSWVmWzA--?cq=1&p=793

Answer 5

I definitely don't agree.
Spanking a child who has been unresponsive to repeated admonitions works beautifully. The readjustment needn't be harsh and painful. The simple act of a swat without any force is enough to send the message to the child.

For instance. Even after putting child safety plugs in the outlet the child insists on picking at it. You say "No, Don't Touch." gently. Then Firmly. Removing the child physically from the area and distracting him/her. When he returns and begins again, changing the tone and the phrase to "Danger! Don't Touch. No-No". Remove the child.
The child returns yet again day after day. By the 3rd day. Give that child a smack on the butt Say "Danger!" very firmly and use a deeper tone. That child never touches the outlets again.

This concept can be used in other areas. The trick is to be consistent. Letting your yes mean yes and your no mean no. Using the "Spank" only after exhausting all other options and without doing it so hard you leave marks and pain.

Even animals discipline their own offspring. Spanking children could save their life. We don't need to scream them to death or bribe them. They have within them the ability to be disciplined.
Usually when they are very young. The distraction technique works best and is the one we used most frequently but we weren't afraid to spank them if necessary either.

Consider the generation of kids today that weren't spanked. That is what you see in the school systems.
You can always tell a "Time-Out" kid (Which we refer to the "you aren't welcome in your own home method and your house is not a haven but a punishment palace) when the child is stuck in a corner or in a chair. They are the ones that throw tantrums at the check-out counters and can be found in full combat in the parking lots with the parents trying to get them into the vehicles. They are the children that don't learn manners reflexively but as a show for company. They often have to be told "What do you say to ...."
They often won't share with others or like to hit.
THOSE are the TIME-OUT KIDS.

BALANCE is the key to using any discipline. Praise for acceptable behavior is always be reinforced but never used for every little thing. NEVER EVER BRIBE a kid.
THIS IS WHAT WORKS.

I have been asked to watch hundreds of children for my ability to communicate with them without instilling in them fear. I don't know what kind of study of people who spanked were used in this research but undoubtedly they were the sort that end up on programs like "SuperNanny" and "Nanny911" and "Dr.PHIL"

Spankings stopped by the time they were school age. From then on it only took a word or reasoning as much as possible with them. Consistency and Consequence and Reward worked marvelously.

Answer 6

I also have found that spanking doesn't work. We use a lot of positive reinforcement when the boys are behaving. We are very specific when we need to disciline them which I think has been the key for us. The child needs to know specifically why they are being disciplined. Time out is effective for us, but we rarely use it and when we do we have guidlelines we both follow (number of minutes=number of years old, state the behavior, ignore while they're in there, insist on an apology to get out). We also take toys away that cause problems and encourage them to share to keep toys. I know parents use spanking, but I have to think they don't want to, they just don't know what else to do. Parents have to educate themselves on best practices and work at disciplining.

Answer 7

True.
Except in a few dangerous cases, and hey, there are always exceptions, right? (Hot stove, etc.)
Now. Here's the thing. The same way that peeople who hit do not seek better solutions, I don't see you giving the replacement behavior.
In basic behavior management, the key is to highlight what actions should be taken.
If you could re-write this, with more emphasis on praise, ignoring certain behaviors, structure in order prevent random attention getting, etc., I would say your arguments would be better received, and more effective in making the social change you are valiantly trying to achieve!

Answer 8

All I know is that everyone's favorite illness nowadays is ADHD, and it's due mainly because of people like you who are weak to discipline their kids. I'd like to know how many kids are wrongfully diagnosed with this disease and how their parents are in peace with the fact that medicating their kids will make a good substitute for good parenting. And next time come back when you have an actual question.

Answer 9

Let me guess...hmmm. YOU are time-out and Bribery parents and hmmm let's let the older children take the brunt of the responsibility for the younger ones so you don't have to be bothered actually disciplining your kids.

Answer 10

I agree with you, even tho as a child I was spanked...I was even paddled in school once, but as I have gotten older and dealt with children I have learned that if you sit down and talk to your kid instead of spanking them, the relationship between the kid and the adult is much better, and most of the time they really do understand what you are talking to them about.

Answer 11

Amen to Lt's and all of the other answerers who say use selective spanking techniques!