How do you make up for lost time with a child, thirteen years old, you just found out was yours ?

Answer 1

Become his/her friend

Answer 2

First of all, talk with your child and explain why you haven't been present. If you can't do it face to face then do it on the phone and also in a letter that your child can read over and over. Make sure you don't say anything ugly but keep to the facts. Then tell your child how sorry you are and wish that you had know him/her. Ask your child to share memories with you of their childhood. Show a genuine interest and hunger to get to know him/her. Ask about school and what their favorite color is and what style of clothing he likes. Does he have a favorite movie, actor, singer?
Make every effort to see your child. Send things that you think he or she might like or need simply because you were thinking of him/her. It can be anything from school supplies-music gift cards-to socks and hygiene products. Anything big or small to show that you are thinking of him or her. Cards every week.
Whatever you do you will have to establish a trust with your child that you can be relied upon. That can only be accomplished thru consistent attention. Keep trying no matter what. If it means filing for visitation rights then do so.
Call , Call, Call.
If it is within your means consider relocating if necessary so that you can spend time with her/him.

Answer 3

Just start spending time with that child. Thirteen is an important age. Be affirming to that child. Let them know that you didn't know you were the father, but that you're ready to be there...and you WANT to be there. Don't spoil the child...just be there. Do things, spend time talking, catching up, be interested in what's going on in that child's life. You can't make up for the past, but, you can start being there today! It makes me so happy to know that you are willing to do this...it's a big step to take, but it's OH SO WORTH IT!!! God bless you!

Answer 4

Well, you start by just being in the now.
There was a philosopher, Spinoza. He discussed something similar, but in terms of the length of a life. Basically, we tend to think that if a six year old child loses his life, it's less fair than the sixty year old. One has had a chance to live, blah, blah, blah.
But in terms of life's opportunites, both of them lose the same thing.
There is only now.
There's only this.
No day but Today. (Rent, the show. totally misappied, and still true).
So, you've really never missed anything, if you can get to the kid now. If you can be there now, if you can learn enough to be able to give honest advice, that's it. You've got today.
Sure, it'll take a while to catch up. But just regular old talks and activities will get you two well acquainted, like with any other new person.
Good luck!

Answer 5

Do not dwell on the past, I know it's easier said then done. I am 29 years old and just getting to know my father. Take time to get to know each other. Build a relationship, one baby step at a time, with out placing blame. In my experience, I didn't need to know my father to love him. I loved him first. Because he was my father. Just don't ever let him/her down. If you say your going to do something, do it. But don't let your guilt for not being there override your good judgment as a father. Sometimes kids pick up on that and take advantage. Mostly, just give your child unconditional love and support, time and remember what you were like at 13.

Answer 6

Find/Create a common interest - Music is a good one most 13 year olds I know are surgically attached to their MP3 player,

I agree 13 years is a very long time to just "catch up" but we all meet strangers and for one reason or another sometimes form friendships, simply talking to or treating kids as young adults works well in my experience.

Answer 7

thats hard...have you explained to the child you didnt know they existed? and that you want to make up for lost time?
if not then do so...a child is very versitile, and forgiving.depending what the other parent has said about you...then you may have your work cut out for you...but, if the child does then try and explain this to them...why you weren't there...most will atleast hear the other side of the story, if for nothing else,courosity... get to know this child... show concern in what they do, school, activities....and most importantly the child themselves...they are forgiving you know...good luck...and try and answer all their questions...

Answer 8

Honestly you can't make up lost time. This is a hard but important reality.

All you can do is be the best parent of a 13 year old as you can be.

Answer 9

you can't make up for lost time,you can only go from here,what a shame that you both lost out,but you can build a good relationship,i don't know if you have other children if yes ,treat him/her as you would them,if not you will find your way as we all do,also remember that the teens is not an easy age anyway so be patient,and don't expect too much of yourself,do the best you can,its all anyone of us can do
GOODLUCK!

Answer 10

You can never make up for lost time. All I know is you shouldn't try too hard to be your child's best fiend. Give yourselves time to get to know one another. Don't start buying your child stuff to show him how much you "care". Be available to him even if he doesn't need you to be there.

Answer 11

I went through this exact same situation. However it was the child services that informed me because my son had been taken from the mother. You can't make up for the time lost, you can only try and make his life better going forward.

We have had a battle trying to get his mind straight from everything he had gone through in his short life. I can only hope that when he is grown that he will appreciate all that I had done for him.