children and swearing?

Question

I need professional parenting help. My fienc'ee have had a child whose two years old now. But hes saying words that begin with F or S alot. He's gotten these words from the inlaws that he stayed with when my family broke apart. I fixed that so now we are all in my apartment. My fienc'ee says she was told to just ignore it and i should do the same. I don't agree...so...My question is should I disipline him or should I just go along with it? p.s. I will be showing the answers to her so please be professional about this.

Answer 1

Ignoring your child may be a good idea to try at first. The attention the child receives from swearing can be exactly what she is trying to get. A child that does not receive enough positive attention will then attempt to get it in negative ways. My three year old daughter picked up the GD phrase from my father, and I just ignored it and she stopped using it almost immediately. If your child is young I would recommend ignoring. However, if the child is old enough to know that swearing is wrong, have a conversation w/ him explaining that sometimes adults use this language and it isn't cool and actually makes them sound stupid. If it continues after the talk, you should take away one form of entertainment for a week each time the child uses the swear word (ie. nintendo, TV, computer privleges or a favorite toy). Another way to decrease the use of swear words is to reward him if he goes a week w/out swearing such as taking him to a game arcade or other favorite place. Good luck to you, I hope this helps.

Answer 2

What we have here is a rule of social conduct... something that is a part of our culture--that certain words offend others if you say them--but is not in any way intuitive to a child.

If you and your fiancee swear a lot, I'm afraid there's nothing you can do to keep your child from swearing. But I'm going to assume that you don't, and that you don't want your child to, either--at least not until he's older and understands how offensive these words can be.

Your child has absolutely no idea these are "bad words", so discipline shouldn't be at all harsh. Explain to him that they are rude words, and that they make people sad when he says them.

Thereafter, if he says them, remind him. You will be able to tell if he's saying them because he's forgotten your instructions, or if he's saying them to get a rise out of you, now that he knows he can do it... If he gets into the habit of deliberately provoking a reaction, don't give him that reaction. (If he does that, it isn't a sign of a "spoiled child" or anything--it's just that two-year-olds are still in the process of figuring out how the world works, and are naturally fascinated by being able to produce any sort of effect, whether from a person or an object.)

Of course, if he's deliberately defiant, use whatever discipline you use for that... a time-out or withdrawal of privileges, or whatever. A child of two needs to know there are boundaries; knowing that he can go only so far, and no further, makes him feel secure; because he feels that his parents--the ones taking care of him, his whole world--are powerful.

Don't react in anger, whatever you do. That just causes needless upset; you can discipline without anger, and it's better for your nerves and your kid's sense of security.

Answer 3

I would not just ignore it as it is justifying that using those words are ok, but don't go off the deep end over it either; children that age are just repeating and mimicing what they have heard.

What I had to do with my son is calmly but firmly tell him that word was not appropriate or acceptable and people will think poorly of him if he chooses to use that word to express his feelings. There are so many better words that will express what you want to say and try to help him find the words that will help him express the emotions he is feeling (frustration, anger, etc.) which are appropriate to convey his feelings.

To this day, my son, now 13 year old, is the first one to point out a swear word or movie on T.V. and comment on how they could better express themselves and appear more intelligent and respectable using words that explain what the feel and that swear words are a cop out for the week minded and people unable to express themselves through words properly.

Answer 4

At that age it is really hard to teach them what good words are and what bad ones are when they are subjected to hearing it.
All you can do is try to relate to the child in terms that he can understand. When the child says a bad word never laugh. Just get on his eye level and make a serious expression (not mean) and say I am sad when you say that word (which you might have to repeat because kids that age get amnesia quick and might not remember what word you are referring to). At that age they understand feelings. Happy, sad, angry, scared...
Whenever he says this bad word reinforce that it makes you unhappy and say NO very firmly.
Since it isn't a "dangerous" behavior only embarassing and the child is only 2 ; spanking won't help.
That will only send the message that he spoke and he shouldn't.
It is a difficult thing to teach when they hear the language often. When they are older it is much easier.
So, do the above quickly and move on. Don't harp on it. It will eventually go away if he doesn't have anymore contact with those people.

Answer 5

I have five children and a mouth like a truck driver. Imagine. I have heard my fair share of cuss words out of the mouths of babes. I recieved the same advice and utilized it. Ignore them and they go away. At your childs age just about everything is about attention. He focused on these words for some reason right. When someone says a bad word people generally notice. Also, teaching him other phrases may help him move on to something new. Maybe instead of the "f" and "s" you substitute "uh-oh spaghetti O". Make it fun.

Answer 6

He is only two and I don't think disciplining him now is a good idea. I think your Fiancee was told to ignore this as kids will say it more if they are getting any type of reaction.
I suggest getting his Mum to tell him that these are naughty words and shouldn't be used by children. And yes even adults are naughty for saying them.
That is what I told my kids and they don't swear. They will go off at me if I accidentally swear !!!
If he is saying them like every second word then you have a problem and may to give him time outs ( 2 min only) so he figures out that its not good for him to say them.
But if its just an occasional thing for attention I think the talk will suffice.And pull him up when he says by saying, " are we meant to say that?" and maybe suggest other words for him to say.
I hope this helped.

Answer 7

You should certainly tell your child not to say such words. You need not be harsh to her or punish her but you can just say expressions with appropriate facial expressions to match like - "So rude of you! Where did you learn that?", "I cannot take you outside with me if you use those words. What will people say?", "Don't use such words honey or I will not respond to you until you stop using them." Then do whatever you say. You can make a chart and write Bad Words in big red letters. Everytime he uses bad language, put a bold red check mark in front of it. If he uses such words more than ten times a day or fixed number of times a day, take one facility off, such as watching a beloved cartoon or playing with a beloved toy for a day but if he succeeds in not using the words for the ntire day or less than five times a day, give him a reward such as allowing another half hour of playing or extra cookie etc. This gentle discipline is necessary for the child. He is still too young to be judged, but he does need gentle disciplining lessons and parents are the best teachers to instill values in a child. Best of Luck!

Answer 8

Swearing is a way that some kids use to get attention, think about it, they swear and you react. Normally I would say ignore it, but sounds like it is getting worse. When your child uses unacceptable language again, tell him/her firmly that type of language is unacceptable and the next time he will be punished for using it AND THEN follow through with the punishment. Make sure your fiancee follows suit and don't back down. Good luck!

Answer 9

hey..im no professional, but i can tell you that it is not healthy for especially a 2yr old to be using filth. Disipline should begin from a young age, and seems that some boundaries and disipline should be set right away with your fianc'ee's son. You will surely regret it if you dont correct this, especially when it comes to schooling.
Good luck

Answer 10

This is a VERY young child. Since the child is no longer around the swearing in-laws. All you need to do is NOT sweaar yourselves....(NO one is allowed to swear in front of the child) and in about two weeks he will have stopped saying it....he did it cuz thats what he heard...and if you react, he'll keep doing it to get a rise out of you. So yeah, ignore it (and dont swear in front of him!)