My mother in law has a very negative outlook on life. While visiting she is pre-occupied with the baby and seemingly happy after we leave she will call my wife and say things like watch out while driving everyone out there is crazy and will kill you. Or after visiting pur place, throw away those space heaters you you might be wet one day while holding the baby and oh god!
My wife is breastfeeding she will call and tell her to lose weight, your way too fat!
Just really negative put down type comments of impending doom.
How do I deal with this. While visiting I always think wow she is happy seeing the grandchild but then after we leave I can hear the conversations and it really makes me cringe, to the point that I dont want to visit her for the next time. I dont want her doing this junk to my child and I want to confront her, but I am afraid I may tell her like it is and come off attacking as it is penting up and I am starting to hate her.
2007-01-13 00:36:03 · 13 answers · asked by Richard L 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to just talk to her and tell her how you feel. Cause you only have one life and you should have your parents in your life. Explain your not attacking her, you just don't feel comfortable with her comments. And you refuse to let her do that to the grandkids when they are old enough to understand. And tell her it saddens you to hear it also. Tell her you understand that she worries about accidents and other issues but you all do your best to be safe and healthy. Good luck.
2007-01-13 00:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by btyboo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
make a point to never take her seriously when she acts like that. when she says something negative, just laugh like she made a joke and shut the conversation down. you could also give her an expressionless stare, like you are waiting for her to finish what she's saying, then she'll get self-conscious and run out of things to say. Make her the only participant in her foolishness.
i'm afraid a direct, verbal approach would just make her defensive.
i think it would be best to interact really positively with her when she is acting appropriately, then laugh and walk away/hang up when she gets weird. she probably is just saying stupid sh!t to get a reaction out of you, so don't reinforce her behavior by reacting to anything you don't want to hear again.
2007-01-13 08:52:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it cool. Everyone goes through things like this. You are not the only one who has had to face such a situation. These ways of mothers in law are the ways that make you more strong and understanding. They give you more resilience in your future. Say if you have a troublesome boss in your office. You of course cannot blow your head off on him. So later you just go away and curse him and laugh it off saying; "He's just like my mother in law." Hasn't your mother in law given you an easy way to diffuse each and every bad situation in your life. Take it cool. You child will always remain your child, so nothing to worry. As in the mad magazine, Alfred E Neumann's slogan: "What me worry".
2007-01-13 08:47:02 · answer #3 · answered by Kool-kat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's better to be open about it with her. Tell her what you feel but never forget that she is your wife's mother and that she still deserves respect. Tell her that her comments are way off and that you and your wife don't really appreciate them. Tell her you're saying this because you want to have a better relationship with her. When people love and respect one another, they don't keep things like this bottled up inside. I wish you all the luck.
2007-01-13 08:42:55 · answer #4 · answered by ponder2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a hard situation because of the relationship......but the ONLY way to hand and deal with it because it negatively affects your relationship is.......to have a face to face, heart to heart talk with her and to be truthful and tell her how you feel! IF she becomes aggressive and hurtful to you........just calmly tell her you are trying to improve the relationship between you, and if she is not interested in doing that, she will just have to pay the consequences of her negative actions and words because you will just not allow her to do that to you, your family, and your child. good luck!
2007-01-13 08:47:38 · answer #5 · answered by angelcjc2002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore her comments, she is who she is and you are not going to change the way she acts or relates to you and your wife. You can either let her actions eat you alive or you can ingnore them considereing the source.
You are wasting valuable time fretting over her instead of concentrating on your new family.
2007-01-13 08:41:14 · answer #6 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to be upfront and honest with your mother in law. she may not like hearing how you feel but you owe it to your own family to show them that you care enough for them to stop the negativity that your mother in law brings to them.
clear the air and hopefully she will stop, she may not even realize how much she is hurting you all, she might see it as helping out with advice. good luck
2007-01-13 08:46:44 · answer #7 · answered by vanessaoz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she comes up with these ideas, tell her that sounds like a good idea and you're going to do that right now. Then do whatever you want.
2007-01-13 09:19:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she paying your bills?
Are you sleeping with her?
I hope the answer is "no" to each of my questions... In that case, she isn't feeding you and she isn't ****'n you.... so why in the hell would you even listen to anything she has to say? I know you have to keep it civil, she's the grandma... Ignore her dumbass!
2007-01-13 08:43:51 · answer #9 · answered by and,or,nand,nor 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you are just a husband, all you need to do is listen to her and nod and always agree with her (just to please her) , never say bad or attack her bec it's your "in-law" (no choice)...and she seldom come to the house..
Be good, she might like you for that.
2007-01-13 08:48:22 · answer #10 · answered by NoName 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋