Are men really meant to protect women?

Question

Please take the time to read before answering the question...

My friend (24yrs old) is about to marry a 30yr old guy. They've been together for 2yrs and have lived together for most of the 2yrs.
My mate is black and the guy is white...

One day they were on a night bus home to south london, there was a group of unruly teenagers at the back , they were black and they were smoking weed, etc....and she asked them to stop, but they continued and then they started verbally abusing her, calling her names...and one even through a piece of chicken at her...(please don't laugh)...

but her boyfriend didn't do, or even say anything at them, all he did was tell her to ignore them....

okay maybe he may have feared that they may attack him or something like that...

but shouldn't he have protected her and at least have said something, or at least asked them to stop...

my mate was incredibly embarrassed by the incident , because there were other people on the bus as well who saw what happened, but she was also hurt that he didn't stand up for her....

he's defence is that: he's not the macho type of guy.....

this has put a bit of strain on her, and has made her question if she doing the right thing by marrying someone who won't even protect her.

do you think she over-reacting?

He genuinely is a good person...but this incident has made her question her decision to marry him...and made her even wonder if he truly loves her...

This incident has become an issue in their relationship now....

Answer 1

It's not a question of men protecting women -- this is silly, since either the man or woman could both get hurt around violent and obnoxious youth -- the right thing is NOT to fight, but to REPORT.

Trying to be 'macho man' can get you killed. NEVER try to reason with people under the influence of drugs & alcohol -- they are not reasonable and could hurt you!

British Police Serivces give this advice to passengers on ALL buses, coahes, and trains:

"If you feel uneasy or uncomfortable, then move. Don't just sit there!"

All London buses now have CCTV cameras installed. The correct procedure would be to

1) alert the driver to any problems and move to seats closer to the front door and away from the troublesome riders

2) Buses: Contact London Metro Police 0800 789 321 on your mobile, or See: http://www.met.police.uk/

3) Trains: British Transport Police -- National freephone number 0800 40 50 40 or see : http://www.btp.police.uk/

Answer 2

Any woman that believes a man MUST start a fight to protect her is a fool. She was foolish enough to pick a fight like that. Why is it in society a man must be a woman's protective knight? Women have been given this image that they are emfeebled beings that need men to be their bodyguard. If I was there I would have told her that they obviously aren't listening to her and it's a waste of time. They won't learn a thing. Men and women should be each others protective guardian, not be a coward that depends on the other for anything. People of all ages learn through mimicing what they see. Advocating violence would just lead to an enraged generation of short tempered adults.

Answer 3

Don't assume he is a coward, he may be smarter than you think, If he had confronted them and got into a very bad situation, he may have put her in an even worse situation. Sometimes you have to think about the consequences before you act, he may have been able to take them all on, but would it be worth the risk to find out? Any woman who thinks this guy is a coward needs to seriously evaluate themselves, not their relationship. Being mature enough to analyze the situation is the most bravery he could have shown. After all this time together does she not know him at all?

Answer 4

One thing you mate did the right thing by minding his on business. It the girl who should apologize to your mate .
She stuck her nose into someone else business, she is very luck all they thew at her was a piece of chicken.
Tell your mate he has nothing to be ashamed of.
As long as the boys smoking the pot did not start anythin then he did the right thing by telling her just to ignor them.
Sometime the smart thing to do is just walk away and live to fight another day when the odds are on your side.

Answer 5

He did protect her by not saying a thing. In that situation if he had said something would he still be around to protect her? So he did from the pain she would have had by not being around at all. At least she gets to see him another day.

Answer 6

Men don't have to protect women. That's just a reinforcement of the chauvinist stereotype of the "weaker sex." We're perfectly capable of protecting ourselves. Why couldn't SHE have told them off? Tell your friend to do what I did and start learning martial arts. Now I can walk around downtown and not fear a thing.

Answer 7

I'm sorry but I would've expected him to at least tell them not to talk to her like that. I cant beleive he sat there and told her to ignore them. What kind of life are they going to have together ?
If it was me, even if I was with a friend I would expect them to back me up.
I just asked my brothers and these are there responses:
Brother #1 = It's punch on time!!!
Brother #2 = I would offer them my girlfriend to appease them.
(It is very early morning here everyone is getting the 2am sillies)

But yeah I wouldnt stay with a bloke if he wasnt able to back me up.

Answer 8

I don't think that she was over reacting at all! Most guys that I know would have been extremely ticked off at their behavior and would have at least said stop if they were acting like that towards their girlfriend, regardless of who or what the harassers looked like. I think he needs to grow up and be a man. Not being the "Macho" type is a pathetic excuse for not doing anything to protect her. If he didn't do anything in these circumstances, think of what he would do if someone was holding a gun to her head... he would probably run away screaming like a little girl!

Answer 9

I think he did the wise thing and left them alone.It is better to avoid confrontation and actually I think they should of got off the bus and called the police to take care of it.She put her boyfriend in a bad spot and then is making him feel bad which is wrong.

Answer 10

I think that it was not her place to say nothing to them It was the bus driver place to deal with them. She could of told the bus driver what was happening and he could of kick them off or call the cop because they were doing drug on his bus but no she had to open her mouth when her boyfriend told her to ignore them. she put her foot in her mouth. They did not put their hands on her so he did right, he ignore them If we was going to do any thing he could of told the bus driver or got on his cell phone and call the police tell them their people on the bus doing drug and acting crazy. Remember stick and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt. tell her to pray about it.