How do I be less independent?

Question

I'm all for indepenendence, but it's to a point of ridiculous when I used to refuse to let anyone pay for me, or help me up if I fell etc etc. I've stopped refusing that sort of help, but according to one of my friends, I'm still exuding the "I don't need you" vibe which I don't want to be giving out. So how do I learn to become less rigidly independant?

Any suggestions on stuff to work on or things to read or SOMETHING would be appreciated!

I am very sociable, and fairly outgoing. I both can and will talk to anyone, and go just about anywhere if you ask on the right day. My friends all love me just the way I am, but it's unhealthy, I don't like it, and someday I would love to be in a relationship where I can trust and need the other person, which right now, I can't. (And when I say need, I do NOT mean clingy and completely dependant. I mean able to show them that I need them in my life and appreciate their presence in said life.)

Answer 1

I am very much that way too. and I believe that the fact that we have acknowledged this, and have already initiated change is a step in the right direction. To be able to depend on someone besides ourselves is to be able to trust them and have faith in another persons judgement to a small degree. It is to set boundries and to have expectations-it makes less things "acceptable" sometimes. I have noticed that my friendships are a bit more meaningful and I have also noticed that I have more respect in general for others -since I have allowed myself to open up and depend on, or have expectations of, those people that I surround myself with.

Answer 2

I am a highly independent person as well and won't let anyone help me. I've grown accustomed to this only because most people in my life have let me down and I had to tell myself that the only one who could ever help me was me. I won;t ever change it because it is what makes me me. I am one who never asks for help but definitely appreciates an offer and I despise it when someone does not offer a helping hand although I may reject it. Independence is only what makes you strong when you fall, there is nothing wrong with being too independent. Some people will actually go for independency while others go for dependency. It doesn't really matter how independent or dependent you are, it's just another personality trait that you were given and should be used at its fullest as long as it does not affect your overall quality of life.

Answer 3

There are a few things you can do. First of all, ring or email one or some of your friends and tell them how much you appreciate them, and how they have really helped you over the years, just by being there. You could also organise a project for yourself to do, and ask for help, even if you don't need it, i.e - repaint your bedroom, go shopping for a new outfit, clean out the garage etc, and ask one of your friends if they would like to give you a hand. Next time you have people over to your place, ask them to bring a dessert or something, or ask one of your friends if they could come half an hour earlier and help you set up. Asking for help doesn't mean you're weak.

Answer 4

there is a difference between "independent" and "standoffish," or "prideful," but that's just semantics i guess.

well, you can already give examples of your behavior that bothers you, so start with that-- learn to be gracious when someone offers to pay, and try to get them the next time. and if you fall, let someone help you up.

think of how good it makes others feel to do nice things for you, just as it makes you feel good when you do a nice thing, too.

Answer 5

Why would you change yourself?Being independent sounds OK to me.Have you considered asking your friends why your independence bothers them so much.

Answer 6

be yourself and more sociable

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Answer 7

holla