Is it wrong to smack our children?

Question

I understand that many times parents smack their children purely out of their own frustrations, and it gives the children the 'shock factor' into stopping their behaviour.

I was smacked by my parents but looking back, and now being a parent myself, I can see why they did it for SO many reasons and sometimes IMO I deserved it.

I am not traumatised by this experience as all it taught me was who was in charge in our house and a healthy respect for my parents. BUT it has also taught me that it is also OK to then go on and smack my own children. I don't do it often but sometimes my 6 year old daughter pushes me so far I see red. Don't get me wrong it is not a 'beating' so please don't be quick to judge me, but is usually a tap on the hand or leg to stop her in her tracks. This calmes her down and then we talk about the situation.

How do you feel about the subject? Please answer without predudice as I am interested on what you have to say.

Thank you in advance.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to answer my question. Especially to those who chose NOT to judge me despite the way I choose to bring up MY children.
I would like to point out that I am NOT a single parent and am neither dangerous or an animal. I have a supporting husband and our house is full of love and cuddles.
My daughters are also polite, happy, intelligent children but they are also very strong characters and I would rather they were allowed to express themselves but they need to know the boundries. As I said I do NOT smack them often, but I always say sorry and discuss why it happened. I don't put all the blame on to them but I do tell them that they made me angry and for what reason. As an instance the majority of the time the 'smack' as I have called it has little effect but enough to stop them and listen to me rationally and not cause pain. Regarding the comment about the word 'smack' this can merely be put down to cultural differences in phrases.

Thank you Hi Fi for calling me a sicko or a pro child abuser. I was not only thanking those who agreed with me,

but merely thanking the ones who could answer my question without abuse like yourself. You really need to read the question clearly before you make these abusive comments, which you have resorted too.
Thank you again to everyone else for putting your point across. You have opened my eyes on all levels.

Answer 1

No

We have never smacked our girls out of frustration, but do give them a occasional "old fashion spanking". When we have to go this rout, they sit and wait in the room for a while, this way we prevent any anger on our part to interfere with what we need to do (spanking). Parents spanking their children out of anger can easily lead to abuse, however I know everyone is human, and can make mistakes.

Props to you for understanding your parents were looking out for your best interests.

Answer 2

You always say sorry after hitting them!

Then you must know, at least afterwards, that hitting them was wrong!

You put a question up here asking for honest answers, and that you're 'interested in what people have to say', then you add little comments only thanking the people that agree with your own views.

If you only wanted affirmative responses you should have posted up on some Pro Child Abuse forum.

Love and cuddles don't mask an abusive household. It's been proven the children who are subjected to this confusing circle of 'love' then violence are at substantial risk of developing schizophrenia. Why would you want that for your kids?

So please don't post your pro-child abuse stuff on here. You sicko.

Answer 3

I was spanked when I was little and I spank my children when needed. It's not abuse and I hate it when other people interfere. Its funny because I come from another country where this is very acceptable and no one says anything negative to you in the middle of Walmart when you have to give your child a good smack in the rear because she's on the floor having a tantrum. Of course, the minute I moved her to the states, I get the stares, even comments from others....mind your business! There is a difference between hitting your child for every little thing (and leaving marks!) and spanking when discipline is necessary. To tell you the truth, in my classroom, I know which child gets good discipline at home and which child gets only the "talk" all the time. Guess who shows positive changes when a note is sent home????

Answer 4

Smacking a child is not on. No matter what they have done wrong. It teaches violence as you yourelf have grown into a parent that smacks. When we bring a child into the world it knows nothing. We have to teach it everything, but we don't have to teach it violence. No one has ever smacked my child. I don't care what anybody says, parents hit their children because they lack the necesary skills to raise a child. It isn't just the hitting that the child experiences, it is the look on a parents face when they do it. Try looking in a mirror next time you hit your child and you will see what the child sees. A face full of hate and anger. The child will soon learn that this is what you do to children just as you have. Children are not punchbags for adults to take their frustrations out on. You need to be patient and understand that children forget very easily. "How many times have I told you" is one of the phrases parents use when they wade into their kids. It isn't the child ignoring you or what you say. Kids forget. They need time to develop a memory, and they need telling again and again. That is the reason parents lose the plot and resort to violence. They don't have the patience or the proper skills to rear their children, they don't know what else to do so they hit them. There are many parents that do not know when to stop hitting. They lace into their kids with a vengeance. We have to protect those children. You cannot have a law that says you can hit them up to this level but anything more and you will be prosecuted. There is no safe level. You hear parents say that if anyone ever hits their child they would kill them. That is how I feel when I see parents hitting their own children never mind someonse elses. I was hit many times as a child and I vowed when my daughter was born that no one would ever lay a finger on her including my wife and myself. She is 17 now and goes to College. She has 10 GCSEs, (three A's) she doesn't smoke, she doesn't drink, she doesn't swear, she doesn't belong to any gang, she has never been in trouble with the law, and she knows how to say please and thank you. That is because I was a responsible parent and showed her the right way without any violence. Seriously when I see parents hitting their children it makes my blood boil. It is the parent who is at fault.

Answer 5

I am the same as you are when it comes to smacking are children, I believe there isn't anything much wrong to smacking them on the hand or butt. Now I don't believe in the beating and getting out a belt or anything else. The only reason I do smack is the same reason you do to calm them down if not nothing else works.

Answer 6

I don't think it's wrong but here in the USA the government seems to think it damages a child to be smacked. Parents did it back in the 1600s and children knew their parents were in control and they'd better mind their manners or they'd get a beating. Now a days without smacking kids get sassy, talk back to their elders, don't respect their parents or teachers, act up, run around and get pregnant, have sex at young ages, etc. I think it should be brought back.

Answer 7

i absolutely agree with everything you say, my daughter is 4 yrs old and can be quite cheeky, shes very forward and knows her own mind. sometimes i do have to smack her. and while im in the process i make her sit in silence and make her think about what she has done. normally its a little tap on the mouth for either being cheeky or back-chatting me or her dad or a tap on the bottom, i don't shout and ball because its doesn't get me anywhere but i do talk to her with a stern voice, then when everything has calmed down again i sit down with her and tell her why i'm telling her off and why i sometimes have to smack her. it didn't do me any harm when i was little. if i think my daughter deserves a smack she will get one.

Answer 8

I have four children ranging in age from 19 months old to 17 years old and I have not been the model parent to say that I have never spanked my child when in fact I swatted my youngest daughters leg for not staying in bed for her nap just yesterday. She tests like all kids test their parents and it is in all how you deal with your anger in your voice and body language as to whether the child will take you seriously or blow you off.
I find that spanking has a negative effect on my children that they are afraid to be around me after wards and are stiff if I try to be affectionate.
Another thing is that children mock what they see and learn, so be careful how much you so call 'smack'. I don't like that word and wonder why you chose that term? Because what smack means to me is that anything goes...the face, the arm, legs, bottom...do you only 'smack' one part of your child or anywhere that your hand flies out at?
My son is 6 and is hardly spanked, but I do take privileges away from him and I find that works a lot better than spankings ever did.

I feel when a child is spanked it embarrasses them and they start fearing the parent and holding contempt/gudges.

I've been where you are and it takes a lot of self-control to be able to think of different methods that will be in the best interest of the child.

If you feel like you are 'Seeing Red' too much then you may need to get some counseling for anger management.

Answer 9

Absoultely agree with you. The key elements for communication are vividly present in your text. There is not abusive nature in a tap, and it follows a talk about the situation. My parents slapped us, but without the necessary talk, they just persumed that the lesson spoke for itself, which wasn't always the case. A slap is not violence or invasion of your child's rights. The child must learn lessons in life, that there are rules to respect in society. In my opinion, My mother abused her role, spilt my brothers head with a glass bottle once, tore our hair, slapped me in the supermarket when I was 16 years old. I resent this but still believe that there must be rules. Just depends on the force of the slap and the age of the child. Judging by all you said you're a great considerate Mother.

Answer 10

I was never smacked as a child but my mum is not against it. I often have to give my daughter a tap on the behind when she won't take a telling and it works! I don't beat her or abuse her, I teach her a little discipline, which is totally different . The problem these days is that everyone is scared to discipline their children through fear of being accused of abuse.
It makes me really angry to think that anyone has the right to tell me how I can or can't discipline my own children in my own home .

Answer 11

I was smacked as a child and I recall many occasions where my mom and dad getting on my level and talking to me would have worked a lot better. I remember hitting my brothers and sisters a lot and we would get smacked for hitting each other.

When I became a parent I decided that I needed to do my best to raise my kids with discipline and respect for adults. I weighed my options for punishment and decided I was going to do my best to try to raise my kids without raising my hand to them. It wasn't a hard choice since the thought of smacking my kids makes me sick.

I have always gotten down on my childrens' level and spoken to them sternly and clearly and followed through with my threats of punishment (time out, losing toys). When we go into public places I tell them in advance what I expect from them and we talk about how they are to behave. I also come prepared with toys and snacks if I am going to be out with them for a period of time. My kids often get compliments on how well behaved they are. My kids and I get along great and although they are not perfect they are really wonderful overall. There is a strict "no hitting" policy in our home, and it goes for kids and adults.

I do not believe you have to accept the form of discipline you were raised with. While I don't think I had bad parents and I am a "good" adult (whatever that means) I think I could have been raised just as well without the smacking.