Is this abuse?

Question

My younger brother(17) always attacks my youngest brother(13) and it seems to be at a point where it is unhealthy. He is constantly whaling on the kid, to the point where he is screaming and crying. And it is only in one direction, the 13 yr old never hits the older one. The 17 year old will also taunt him in really cruel ways while he's doing it. For instance, the other day he quipped "Oh, almost got a concussion that time didn't you, HAHAHAHA!!" It's to the point where the youngest one literally walks by him with his hands by his face for protection EVERY time they pass each other. I asked my Dad if he thought this was normal, and he said he thought so...however, he came from an abusive household so I don't know how much weight his opinion holds...I'm just wondering if anyone thinks this is simply normal sibling behavoir or actual abuse? Oh, and if you think this is a stupid question and have something snarky to say don't bother. Just click on the "X" in the corner, thanks.

Answer 1

It's time for someone to step in. While it's normal for brothers to have some disagreements and even some heated confrontations with each other, by the time he's seventeen, your brother should have gotten it through his head that he's supposed to love his little brother and be a role model for him. It's time for him to grow up and act his age.

Your brother needs to be severely punished for his cruel abuse. Your little brother may have a healthy dose of anger against his parents, also...afterall, just where are they while he's getting the snot beat out of him? This is not normal, and it's not acceptable.

So what should you do? Well, this is one time when I'd throw a hissy fit. I'd go in there and tell my dad that I can't stand what's going on, and that if he doesn't intervene, then SOMEone's got to. If he wouldn't listen to me, then I'd start making the rounds...talk first to family (aunts, uncles, grandparents) and see if they can't intervene. Then, talk to the school counselors...they should know what to do. If all else fails, then pick up the phone and make an anonymous call to child protective services. Don't just let it go.

Answer 2

I am sorry to hear that you are having domestic problems in your family, it's no laughing matter, and yes that is abuse. It is even more unfortunate that your little brother has no one to intercede for him. He doesn't even feel safe in the one place he should feel most safe and that's home. I went through this with my older brother and it took me years of going through abusive relationships to realize why I thought it was acceptable to be in physical altercations with men. Your older brother does this to feel powerful because he is the victim in some area of his life. Your younger brother will either become a bully or a lifelong victim allowing others to abuse him and feeling helpless because even though there are people in your household to protect him nobody is. As a big sister your job is to protect, help, and counsel your brother as best you can. You have to talk to both of your brothers about the situation separately and above all let the 13 yr old know that you are there for him by words and actions. Let the 17 yr old know what he is doing isn't cool and is damaging, physically and emotionally. Talk to your parents about it again and be firm about how it is affecting you and your little brother. Then tell other adults you trust about this until something is done about this because this is serious. Do all this because if you don't believe me as an adult you will be racked with guilt about what you should have done but didn't when you see the aftermath of this abuse over time. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 3

You are right it is abuse. Yes siblings have their fights physical and emotional but they have their boundaries. The seventeen yr old has issues that need to be addressed ASAP. He is bullying his younger sibling. Your younger brother has a right to charge his older sibling with assault, it is unwanted touching but if it was a stranger or the neighbor doing this your dad may think about this behavior differently. Boys will be boys so they say but today we try to teach about respect, it is not about the toughest one in the litter. Your older brother is meant to be a role model for the younger one and at this stage it is not a very good one. Would your brother target someone his own age and bigger probably not but if so then he may have anger management issues that need to be addressed. Your little brother has a right to feel safe in his own home a place one is meant to feel safe and secure. If your dad wont do something about this then see someone who might be able to help like a school counselor etc. Good on you for recognizing it is not right!

Answer 4

It has to be some form of abuse, because a 17 year old knows right from wrong. If the 13 year old were to go and tell his teacher what his older brother is doing, I'm certain the teacher would turn it in to the child & welfare. The 17 year old needs to stop.

Answer 5

Yes, this is abuse. And if your dad won't don't anything about it, then maybe you could talk to another relative like an uncle or something and have them talk to your dad. If someone doesn't step in soon, your 13 year old brother may be scarred by this. What is your mom saying about this? I think you can tell the difference between normal horse play and abuse. Follow your gut instinct and get another adult involved and try to get this stopped. Good Luck to you!

Answer 6

i say talk to your mum if you dad wont do anything cause your 17 year old brother is gonna cause your littlest brother serious mental problems. This might also be a case of severe sibling rivelry. A 17 year old should not hit their brother to the point that he's scared of even walking past him

Maybe your 17 yr old bro doesn't see that he is actually doing this much damage, try and talk to him

if its little play fights, its alright but this.........no

Answer 7

well I grew up with a pretty tough older sister. she always had my back.
She was 5 years older then me.
Im a guy.
she broke my nose a couple of times. I think I had it coming though.
If the younger doesnt provoke the older and the violence is just for tormenting him.
Then yes. its abuse.
you have two eyes and i assume you can tell whats right and wrong?
you should protect your brother any way you can
.Be careful on how you handle this. get advice from a professional.
counselor at school.

Answer 8

It sounds like the older brother has some serious problems. Your parents shouldn't allow that to go on, not only for the little boy's safety, but for the mental health of both of them.

A little rough-housing between brothers is normal, but not if injury and pervasive fear are a part of it, and not if it isn't mutual.

Talk to your dad again. Something is wrong.

Answer 9

This is definitely abusive behavior. Do you ever let your older brother know that his behavior is not acceptable? One day you should ask him what is he hurting about so badly (he is a hurting kid) and what has him in such emotional pain that he is behaving like this. Try and confront your Dad and let him know how is is seriously affecting your younger brother. Try to stick up for your younger brother as well.

Answer 10

Call social services immediatly, remain anon and tell them your story, if they think its serious they will tell you and try to help you. you cant play around with this kind of thing, one day your little bro could end up in hospital and you will kick yourself for not doing anything about it sooner. The way your big bro is treating him may also affect him psychologically later in life. if your dad was a victim of abuse this behavior will prob seem normal to him so he may not be able to give the help ur bro's need.