An Italian friend of mine, who I've known for 7 months, came to my country recently. When I met him, I really liked him and since he cheered me up many times before, I got emotionally carried away and told him that I love him. He told me he wants us to stay friends because he is scared to lose me just in case he might feel a bit strange after sex. So we decided to be friends. But next day I felt nervous that he might be feeling awkward by me having told my feeling, I cried in front of him on the train and later on, joked about his rejection of me to make the situation better. We then slept 4 times over two days. It was a mutual decision that we slept, but when I saw him off at the airport, I cried again, and I worry if he would still want to be my friends after all these drama. I even told him I love him again. He mailed me and joked about his banana size(our joke), but can we be back to friends? I want to apologise only for my emotional actions in public that I cried.
2007-01-12 18:14:14 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He told me he cannot take too much emotion, and he always joked with me unless I was worried about illness or when I told him I liked him. So this is why I worry if I have risked our friendship by too much emotion. But at the same timeI feel not sure if I should joke about what I have created to him during his holiday here.... I was too happy that he came over here, and he trusted me...although I did not visit him in his town when I was in Italy and although we promised... Many times he said to me "You did not even call,, and I waited all the weekend.. and you blocked me and you went out with another boyfriend ....that is why I do not love you..." He told me this many times, and he said that he does not beleve me that I forgot to bring his phone number and had to work. He said this a few times even before we had sex...
2007-01-12 18:16:21 · update #1
friends..?!?!?! why not?!?!
He's ok... and i guess u r ok with what's been going on.
But seriously... don't do those things again...since u guys are just going to be "friends"
2007-01-12 18:19:04 · answer #1 · answered by Ching y 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has not made any suggestion of commitment to you at all and you are basically throwing yourself at him which is a pity because you have probably lost him in the process. You need to learn to be more patient and less pushy with men. You came across too desperate and have actually scared him off. Clearly you opened yourself up for abuse and thats what you got. LEave him alone. He was trying to tell you he valued you more as a friend but now there is a rift between you. You need to think carefully before giving in to feelings and emotions that do nothing other than get you into BIG trouble. WHat if you had got pregnant? He was clear in the beginning about what he wanted but you emotionally blackmailed him into bed. DOnt you think that was rather silly?
You are not read y for relationships that are deep. I suggest you read up on books or seek counselling on the matter. I am sorry you got into this mess because now you are hurt, but that is the consequence of not listening and waiting for a friendship to grow into something more than friendship. THe stuff one watches on television is not right and it promotes sex the way dogs would do it. God made sex to be a beautiful act between a husband and wife not between every tom dick and harry and you. No wonder out world is in such a mess. IF we lived sensibly we would spare ourselves so much grief, but then one has the freedom of choice. You can choose to swim upstream or downstream. What are you going to choose from this day forward?
2007-01-12 18:29:16 · answer #2 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems to me that u are too emotionally dependent on him, girl.
And when u cried on the train and "joked" about his rejection, I think the guy can easily see that you will be available to him for sex because his acceptance or rejection of u seems to mean so much to you.
You told him you love him, but how well do u really know him that you really love him? Or are you just in love with the idea of love? maybe u just want someone who loves you, and he comes along at your point of vulnerability?
He obviously doesn't love you and his joke about his banana size confirms it. You are way-out emotional and clingy to him and he is joking about it so that he doesn't have to deal with your emotions. He just wanted a good time.
And you shouldn't apologise for crying. Why should you? What are you afraid of -- that he will reject you because he sees your emotional needs?
I really think the best thing for you right now is to
(a) stop contacting him for a while (can be even up to a year)
(b) let him know that you need time-out because you feel you got emotionally carried out and it would be best for the two of you not to be in any contact at all for a [specify period of time]. If he's really a friend, he will understand and he will not try to contact u during this time also.
(c) During that period of coooling-off, get in touch with old friends you can trust, or new friends. Enlarge your social viewpoint and enjoy hobbies, enjoy life, explore God. Get a life.
(d) After that period of time, you may or may not want to get in touch with him again. Pencil in the ending-date in your diary or alarm digital organiser so that you do not keep thinking about it . Just let the reminder system remind u when the time is up , and u don't think about it anymore for this time being. Otherwise you are just going to count down the number of days before u can contact him again and this wil defeat the whole point. You may even be surprised to find that you have lost the desire to contact him when the time comes! :)
He may or may not want to, either. Don't be afraid that this will happen. Time will prove how solid this friendship is or is not.
2007-01-12 18:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by rise 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either be friends or lovers or friends and lovers.
2007-01-12 18:25:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you wrote too much to read im not dumb buts it too late @ nite for me sorry!!!
DO YOU LIKE HIM OR NOT, THAT IS THE QUESTION!!! ( kind of answer )
2007-01-12 18:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by NIKKI☮ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont haver time to read your story mam
2007-01-12 18:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋