my daughter is 21 yrs old very smart. her boyfriend is a dumbass pretty boy. i really dont like him i knew his dad and grandfather bothof them were involved in mafia things. and this guy is no different. he bullys people to to try to make things right. when he was 14 he beat up a grown man by pulling his hair and bashing his head against the ally walls hes been beating up grown men since he was 8 . all the women who dont know him say his looks like a sweet angel but hes not.hes spoild and i really dont like him. i told my daughter that if she stayed with him i wouldnt pay her apt rent and she said shes already precticly living at his place. im not used to her saying no to me shes always done what i tell her to do. what should i do theyve been together for 5 monthes now. and i just found out their engaged and i try to talk to the guy and all he does is give me a cold look and insult me.
2007-01-12 18:12:39 · 21 answers · asked by me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The one thing our adult children need from us is our love and support, even when they make horrible mistakes.
Call her. Tell her love her and support her and wish her nothing but the best. Believe me, she KNOWS you don't care for him. You don't need to tell her that again. What she needs to know is that you will love her even if this is the biggest mistake of her life. Down the road, when she figures it out, she'll know you loved her enough to let her make her own mistakes.
Put on a polite face and don't embarrass your daughter. Let her make her choices.. and never let her believe you don't trust her to make good decisions. She'll figure it out, like we all did. Hopefully it'll be before she actually marries the schmuck!
Oh... one last thing... if you DO continue creating strife in her life, you may very well lose her to him. And then, when things fall apart, she won't KNOW that she can come to you. She might want to, but she won't know that door is always open.
2007-01-12 18:24:18 · answer #1 · answered by Amy S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should think back and try to view things from her perspective, ask yourself if she has been felt bullied by men most of her life. If the answer is yes then its no wonder she picked a guy like this, because its her comfort zone. She doesn't know how to love or receive love from anyone else but a bully.
All you can do now is tell her how you think a man should treat a woman, and calmly tell her you will let him try to support her, and when it doesn't work out you will be there for her to help her pick up the pieces. It sounds like she is confused. The more you try to make her decisions for her the more she will try to push you away and let him make decisions for her. She is trying to be an adult but is obviously confused about relationships and not making good decisions.
If you've been a bully to her in the past now would be a good time to suck it up and apologize. Make an example of what a man should be and if she has any sense she will come around before its too late. This guy sounds dangerous. I feel for you because I have family in the same kind of situation, but with children involved. Good luck and I hope things work out in the end.
2007-01-12 18:29:12 · answer #2 · answered by ☺☻☺☻☺☻ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really nothing you can do. She's grown and she's gonna make her own decisions. Maybe he is a good boyfriend....i think 5 months together is too soon to be engaged, but anyway, if he treats her right, and she's happy thats all that matters. Just be there for her when she needs you like a father should in case this guy does something wrong to her...She should tell him that he has no right to insult her family
2007-01-12 18:19:26 · answer #3 · answered by Miss A. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The sad thing here for you is that she will have to live and learn for herself. I was in a very bad and controlling relationship as a teenager and when my mother tried to save me, I eliminated her from my life. It is better to be in her life, keeping a watchful eye, than to push her away. Just make sure to always say positive things with her and remind her often of her beauty, her talents, and how well she is loved, because with men like him, he will beat her self esteem out of her and that will only make her more likely to stay with him longer. Good luck.
2007-01-12 18:23:54 · answer #4 · answered by Angela W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could be a manly man and go kick his ****. Or you could just be the good dad who is going to let them learn some things on their own. They are not going to always listen to us. It sucks but it is what it is. We cannot run their lives their whole lives. We are lucky if we can do it until they are ten. There is nothing that says we have to like the things we need to accept!
Good luck with that buddy!
2007-01-12 18:22:00 · answer #5 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seem to know too much of her boyfriend. Let's see you know your enemy and you still do not know your next move. There are diffierent tacticts. If you cut of he funds, that would drive her to him. So do not cut off all the funds, keep paying for her room. If he did some bad things to others , has he ever been arrested. Check that out to see if he is a felon or is on probation. Since i cannot tell you to do anything illegal, I will mention to you that if the police were to find a drug or weapon in his premises or car or on him, he might get arrested. What if your daughter is afraid to leave him. that he has her threaten that if she leaves him, he would hurt you. find that out, too. How much money do you have. why not have women call her number and state that they are his girlfriends, that would cause doubt in her mind. don't underestimate your oponent. he is not a dumbass, cause he is smarter than you that he has your daughter in his hands. so outwit him. go where there are gyms, martial arts schools and make friends of tough people that will back you up. that would even try to date your daughter. get one of those female callers to call your daughter and state that she has AIDS and that he gave it to her and to please tell him to at least pay his child support. AIDS is a turn off to many women. meanwhile, send him artiles of insurance or people that deal with funeral expenses , bring his ego down. find any fault with the way he parks his car and report it to make him get a ticket for ilegal parking. just be nice to your daughter. dont let her know you do not like him, if you already told her, change your mind but keep your tactics going. dont give up. have a gay man call her up and tell her to leave his boyfriend alone.... move from your house so he don't know where you are. use your cell phone to contact your daughter, too. tell your daughter that he threaten to kill you. tell her you love her but you need her to know the truth.have people he assaluted go up to your daughter and tell her what her boyfreind did to them...write a personal add on the local paper and use his name and then show the add to her. after 2 months. let it alone at first to see if he gets interested on someone else. then show it to her state that she deserves better. use his name and his number and address and be sure he writes that he is single. and looking... write his name in toliets and give his number stating that he is gay and wants man to call him that it turns him on. after a while it will wear him down. praise him when you see him, tell him that you are happy that he is treating your daughter good. dont let your oponent know you.
2007-01-12 20:51:10 · answer #6 · answered by bankone1111 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. She is a grown woman now and capable of making and dealling with the consequences of her mistakes. Your giving ultimatums will only drive her further into his arms. Just let her know that if she ever needs you, you are there with a place for her to come to if that is necessary.
2007-01-12 18:18:40 · answer #7 · answered by searious 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Shes a grown woman - and she's saying no because of it. Its tough, but get over it - if she was born to do only what you said why would she ever leave? She has a life of her own. I hate to say it, but if she wants to be with a jerk she has to learn on her own.
Thats just the way that it is, I hate to say it that way, but its true.
2007-01-12 18:19:11 · answer #8 · answered by freshbliss 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
your daughter is grown,so please let her make her on chooses.she may see that this guy is not right for her at her on time(hopefully before she Merry's this man),as a daddy's girl i have to say that if you back off maybe she will see that he isn't any good.hay then again she might just bring out the best in him and make him change his nasty ways.
2007-01-12 18:25:34 · answer #9 · answered by sassie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 options
1) The strongest wins
2) Tell her what's right...then catch her when she falls.
2007-01-12 18:19:30 · answer #10 · answered by Hart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋