My dad has been here for 8 days and for starters I have never trusted him as he has a twisted version of reality. I have spent my whole life getting away from the deciet that has become a HUGE part of how they live and has prevented them from growing and maturing. Now he has come 683 miles and I just found out that he has been lieing about me to my mother as though I am some incompetant moron. I have tried to be patient and I don't want to hurt his feelings but I cannot deal with his lies anymore, including to me! How do I say, "Ok, its time to drive home, and not hurt his feelings?
2007-01-12 17:58:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This is your home. It's your space in which to build healthy boundaries with family and friends. Hard as it will be... you need to let him know the following..
1. you love him.
2. you're sad that he thinks so little of you.
3. you think it's time for him to head home.
4. (optional) set some conditions upon which you'll invite him back.
This should give him a clear picture... and you'll feel better having set up the rules for your own home.
Is he going to act like you've crushed him and are a horrible person? Oh, probably. Folks who talk badly about their own children don't usually hesitate to make them feel guilty over things that are their own fault. If that happens? Stand firm with the boundaries... and let it go.
After all, he's hurt YOUR feelings, hasn't he? It's not right to hurt someone's feelings just for the sake of hurting them... but if setting up healthy boundaries for your own life means he needs to change his behavior while he's visiting, then that's what it means.
Good luck! I know it's not easy.
2007-01-12 18:08:19 · answer #1 · answered by Amy S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the best policy, just tell him how you feel it's okay sometimes we feel as if we owe other people something when we don't. Let him know that he has really hurt you. I'm sure if he loves you as much as he says he does he'll understand that you want and need to live your own life. That was the reason you moved out of their house, right?
2007-01-12 18:06:09 · answer #2 · answered by missfev21 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should confront your father with what you know. You can also add that even prior to having this knowledge you had been feeling like you needed your space back. Tell him that now that you know these things, it has resulted in this negative energy inside you. "It's no longer about wanting my space back. I feel betrayed and hurt by you. I need you to leave."Tell him that when you have a guest in your house visiting with you that you want them to enjoy their time with you, not find negative things about your home or personal life to share with others, even if they are family and even if they are true. Tell him that in the future if you decide to try this again that you hope he can respect your life and your privacy. Most of all, to be honest about what he shares about you with other family members. Personally, we have some common ground. I rarely visit "home" abd when i do, it's a very brief stay.I try not divulge too much about my life or my family.
2007-01-12 18:10:19 · answer #3 · answered by vince 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm Not sure there is a way to do it without hurting his feelings.Is he staying long"? If not just wait it out he may not be back for a while anyways and then you can be to busy for him to come if you would like.Even if he is a lier you only have one dad.At least he is still around.
2007-01-12 18:05:08 · answer #4 · answered by amber 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough situation. :( Yeah, you need to be honest and upfront with him. Tell him you love him, but you feel that you cannot handle his lies anymore. And that you would like your space back. It may still hurt his feelings, but lying to him doesn't make it any better either. Good luck and take care. n
2007-01-12 18:24:53 · answer #5 · answered by Nikki 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dad i love u but its time to go home i need my space that's why i am here not at home here let me help u pack
2007-01-12 18:05:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him it's time for him to go home. That's it. You don't owe him an explanation, and if his feelings get hurt, that's his problem, not yours.
2007-01-12 18:04:30 · answer #7 · answered by No Shortage 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell him that he has never expressed ANY Love and that he's a hatefull person.
Tell him that he's gotta move on;as you have no reasons for him to stay!
2007-01-12 18:06:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just tell him the truth that you are tried of his lieing and that you want him to go home.
2007-01-12 18:03:27 · answer #9 · answered by karen v 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you need your own private space.
2007-01-12 18:07:25 · answer #10 · answered by Infinite 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋