why does this bother me so much?

Question

I'm going to start by saying i am blessed with wonderful kind hearted inlaws i've always respected and gotten along with. but since my first child was born my mother in law has been making me crazy. oh we still get along, but whenever i go to their house with my daughter she bosses me around and tells me what to do, like "go start your car" if i don't comply she'll nag me! of COURSE i am going to start the stupid car, there isn't a need to nag, nor even tell me to, i am a grown up now. and what bothers me more then that is when she says something about my daughters clothing, like "oh this looks like its too small for her.." or "that its getting too small" or something else of that nature. its not that i can't afford new clothing i just want to get as much use out of what i got as possible. yet still her comments drive me nuts, i love the lady but why do i feel like she's always nit picking me? and then she thanks me for having a baby! i didn't do it for her. why do i feel so defensive?

Answer 1

She is jealous and trying to make you seem immature. Ignore her when she starts or stop going over. If she asks tell it is because she is always bossing you and subtle putting you down. You don't want your kid to think it is okay to treat you with disrespect.

Answer 2

In-laws are worse than your parents used to be when you were young.
God bless them for they care for you and your child. let them nag, scold, push, pull,over-do, spoil and whatever else they can and will do. It screams at you what the reason is.....
They Love You and Your Family.....
You are absolutely Blessed. God gave you them for the above mentioned reasons. He(God) wants you to be looked after and the child to be covered in Love. He has given you the Greatest Gift. Please don't throw it away. Grin and bear it for your child's sake.
NO, I'm not a doting Grand-parent, neither am I a Grandparent.
I do however live the life you do...can do nothing right as far as the child is concerned and so on. But, over the years and putting up with the same, I've grown to love and honor these Grandparents for they help shape the child in ways you can't imagine. One thing that is learned by the child (if the situation is allowed to continue) is a sense of Morals. this is invaluable these days for youngsters of today aren't taught them.
Bless you and your family. It really is a good thing.

Answer 3

I believe it's called parenting. I say you have two choices - either ignore her comments or speak to her about it. Speak not question. Asking too many questions would put her on the defense. You could be emotional by this being your first child. Whatever you do, don't keep your child from her. That would make things worse. I wonder if the visits to your home are the same. Maybe she wants some time alone with the baby.

Answer 4

It sounds to me like you are feeling defensive because you want to feel like you should be the only one in control of your child's care and decisions that go along with that. You resent her input and feel as if she is trying to take over. You just have to remember, she remembers what it was like to be a new mother and all of the learning curves that goes with it. She thinks she is just trying to help, but if it really bothers you talk to her about it.
You say you have a good relationship, just mention how you feel and ask her if she felt the same way when her first baby was born. Work from that, and just remember babies are exciting, new, and filled with so much sweetness. How can you not feel like its a gift to have one added to your family?
Try not to be so upset with her she probably doesn't mean anything badly, but do talk to her before this puts a wedge between you.
Good Luck and Congratulations On The New Baby !!

Answer 5

Actually, you have a legitimate reason to be upset by this. Do you want your child to grow up seeing someone boss her mother around? That will not make her upbringing healthy by any means.

You need to sit down with your mother in law and as an adult, set some clear boundaries. The conversation will embarass her a bit at first, but that's the point. I don't think just replying to her statements woudl be smart. You need to say "I think I want to talk to you about something," and take her into the bedroom and sit down. Then spell out your boundaries.

Answer 6

Being a mother especially a first time mother every one wants to put in there two cents on what you should how you should do it and want to convince you that there way is the best way. What I did was say thank you for your advice/ input but my husband and I will raise our child the way we see fit. Hopefully she wont be offended and will back off a little. Good luck and keep your head up.

Answer 7

You feel defensive for the same reason I feel this way. You feel like your being bossed and that you have no real opinion or knowledge of things. I finally got mad and said something and regretted it immediately. In realtiy she is just being motherly to you and trying to help you, if you said something you would hurt her feelings. Trust me. She feels that she is helping you out, and when you listen you make her feel important. You feel like she is nit picking you, but in her eyes she is giving you support and help.

Answer 8

Kind of sounds like she's treating you like you're her very own kid. I'd take that as a funny compliment if that's how she feels. Suck it up! You're lucky!

Also, there could be a jealousy issue. Maybe you don't feel like sharing your baby so much.

Answer 9

the job of a mother in law. If it's that bad talk to her about how you feel in a mature manner.

Answer 10

everyone gets like that shes probably just getting old you should have your husband
say something to her but not in a mean way to hurt her feelinngs