Are there any moms here who are either in physically abusive or?

Question

mentally abusive relationships...but are STILL with the guy because he threatens to take your kids away if your a stay home mom?
Iam and I haveno idea how to get out because my guy makes over 100,000 a year and me 0 as i stay home.
getting a job is not easy right now, becasue I get NO help in the finanacial end to get daycare..I need a way out without having a job, or advice that is USEFULL.

Answer 1

try looking for a women's shelter and talk to a counciler there. OR (if you drive) go talk to a lawyer while he is at work and see what help they can offer. sometimes the lawyer will work for free, or be able to tell you how to get gov. asstance. there are thousands of women in this kind of home. it is called domestic abuse, and most do not know how/what to do. the next time he physically or mentally abuses you call the police. they are required to step in and help. one thing you do NOT want to do is run. your partner can track you easier than you might think. there is a movie that a school group I am in whached about domestic abuse and how to help, the movie is called "enough" and it is about a woman in the same situation as you, but she made all the misstakes... basicly you can learn what not to do from waching this movie. find a place to rent it and wach it when your husban is not home. I wish you the best of luck, and safty.

Answer 2

Abusive husbands do no get full custody. Get out. With or without money. Join a support group, a church, contact your local Women In Distress program (you can get this number by calling 211 on any phone. That is the number for First Call For Help.) First call for help, 211, can also give you resources for housing assistance, food, clothing, emergency funding, legal aid and so on. There is no good reason for staying in a dangerous and unhealthy environment, especially when children are involved. If you have not had the abuse documented by going to the police, taking pictures or being witnessed then you need to do so. You need proof for court, strength to fight back (leaving), and a strong will for a happier life. It will not be an easy road, but it will be well worth the effort. I will pray for you. Stay strong.
p.s. An income of $100,000 a year will translate into a hefty child support and possibly alimony check every month.

Answer 3

If he is physically abusive then you should have no problem with getting out with your children. If he hits your or anything go to the hosiptal and report it. The police will have you file a report and everything. They dont take abuse lightly. From there get a lawyer and get a divorse. If he abuses the kids, then you need to get out now. Depending on how old the kids are, the police or someone might ask them if they ever saw your husband hit you. As for not having a job, it should not matter. For all they know you have family to go to. In the end you might get child support or even alamony, which can help cover day care cost. If he mentally abuses you, get a lawyer still, or have someone in your family help you. If you cant get a lawyer (for physical abuse, the state might give you one, if you have no money) but if your being mentally abused and cant afford a lawyer right away, go to the police station and talk to them, see what your option are. Your doing the right thing by trying to get out. Good luck, and I hope I helped a little.

Answer 4

Lisa, making you feel like you have no options while he has total autonomy is the clarion call of the oppressor.

Listen, you have options...you're just feeling too terrible to think this through clearly right now.

If he is abusing you physically, you can call the police and have him arrested. (Don't THREATEN him with this, just quietly do it!) He has far more to lose in his reputation as a wife beater than you stand to lose in his paycheck. In fact, it may even put his paycheck at risk if you have him arrested...and when you do, have the locks changed on the house and take out a warrent against him. That would be one option.....

If you're really afraid of him, or if the abuse is "mental" (meaning there would be no evidence for a cop to arrest him), then you need to find a local battered woman's shelter, take your kids and quietly leave him while he's at work earning that $100K. The price you're paying right now - in mental/physical anguish, sorrow, fear, and the legacy and example that is being passed on to your children is far greater than any perceived AND FALSE security of his stupid paycheck.

Again, he has more to lose than you, because he is guilty. And men like him make those kinds of threats because he doesn't want to be exposed for the loser he is. He's a fraud, and somewhere deep down inside he knows it.

But you can get free, and you can get assistance from family members, battered women shelters or other organizations until you get a job and take your life back!

I don't say any of this lightly. I know. I walked away from an abusive husband, and walked into a wonderful life that is free from fear, free from oppression and constant hurt, and home is a place I want to run to, instead of a place I have to dread and try to get away from.

You can do this, but only you can decide you will do it.

I wish you all the best....there is life after bastards!

Answer 5

I was in a mentally / physically abusive relationship. Our difference though, is that I worked. I am not sure how to tell you to leave with no job-- a shelter will be hard. You need to start to devise a plan. DO NOT TRUST HIM!! One day when I said "forget this!" and called the police, I was framed. To make long story very short, while I waited outside for the cops to come, he smashed a glass on his face and said I attacked him. I was arrested, when HE was the one attacking me. I only tell you this, not to scare you, but to tell you to be smart. Think ahead. Be strong. Your children come first. Call the Legal Aid Society. Buy a small digital recorder and get evidence of his abuse. You do not want a legal he-said-she-said. You don't want him to have any custody. Think about what kind of work you can do. Write a resume in secret, keep it hidden in a secret e-mail accout to have it ready to go. Investigate how to get help, child care-- use the internet, but be sure to clear your browsing history so he can't find what you are doing... or use the library. Women are intelligent, powerful people... you can do it.

Day care can be hard, but there are low cost /free options. Call a womens help hotline-- they can direct you to the right places!

Answer 6

Please contact your local women's shelter for support and information. They can inform you of all the support networks available to you in your local area.

Just because you contact them does not mean you have to get out right away or stay in the shelter. The Shelter can assist in getting you free legal advice as well as finanacial aid for shelter or daycare. They can help you set up a backup plan for when things get beyond staying.

If you leave it will not be easy financially but things will progress after time and get better. If you live in America there is financial aid to help. You have to go out and seek the help or ask for it.

Good luck be strong just remember you will make it.

Answer 7

Don't you have any family that can help you out for a few months? I understand that if he is making a good amount of money you are thinking you are going to starve to death if you leave him. There is NO GOOD REASONS to stay with an abusive man, it will destroy your self-esteem so when he starts beating on you you will think is your fault. It will damage your kids self- esteem and besides when things like this happen kids blame themselves for the mess.
I know that it is so easy to say, leave him blah blah blah, but you really need to look into your kids eyes, and think are they happy? and if the answers is no you better leave that guy or take a brake and see if he changes, don't be scared, I know there are programs and things like that that help woman in situations like yours, talk to your parents and see if your Mom would watch them while you get a job and don't worry about what people will say, your children are the MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT NOW!

Answer 8

You are really in a tuff situation and it is hard with kids. I have never been through an abusive relationship myself though. If i were you I would apply for welfare. Then get out of that house as soon as the first check arrives in the mail. Do what ever you can to get away from that guy or should I say bachelor.

Answer 9

I don't have the answers for you, but just wanted to say protect yourself and your kids. Your kids come first and they are seeing this behavior. They will be raised to see and think that this is ok and that treating people this way is acceptable.
It might be difficult to pick up the kids and walk out that door but a year from now however you did it, you will be a better person and your kids will be in a better place for it.
Look into battered women's shelter's in your area, speak with counseling reps through your insurance plan. Be sure to get help beyond this board... sounds like you could use someone to speak with.
Good luck.

Answer 10

Lisa, call your local health district clinic or city clinic. Tell them you're being abused and you want help getting out. They'll know exactly who can help you.

Don't worry so much about being able to work and afford daycare and all that...you'll be able to get child support, which is based on how much the man makes. It sounds like he doesn't want to have to pay it, so he keeps you afraid to leave.

If you and your husband have a joint bank account, if there's enough in there, you might just take half (it's yours, even if you don't work), rent a place to live and then get a lawyer and get started on a divorce.