help my boyfriend is obese!?

Question

I need help. My boyfriend is pretty fat, he weighs about 240 and is about 5'10''. This upsets me, its not fair because i do so much to make sure that i'm not one of those girlfriends who "lets themselves go" (weve been dating for over a year) so i workout on a weekly basis and watch what i eat to try and get slimmer and stay that way. Since weve started dating hes only gained weight, about twenty pounds. Its to the point that while i love him dearly, i'm finding myself to not be as attracted to him anymore and cant stand seeing his fat rolls. i dont mind a little chub but with his body type he should be weighing about 190! i dont know what to do, he knows he needs to lose weight and makes feeble attempts every now and then but its like he'll go running once or twice then not again for months or he'll say hes "starting the atkins diet" but only does it for 3 days. Its hard to talk about it with him because hes sensitive. What can i do?

Also, going to the gym with him isnt really an option because we both separately have free gyms we are members of but we cant attend each others without paying and neither of us have that money. Also its like 5 degrees out so running outside together isnt an option

by the way its not just about looks. my dad is a doctor and he has instilled in me to try and be as healthy as i can without making myself miserable so i hate the fact that hes so unhealthy. And also by the way, he is miserable about how he looks and is always pressuring me to compliment his looks as he does me to me but i dont feel right in doing so. he has a gorgeous face so i tell him that but thats as far as i go.

no more telling "your the one with the problem" and "you need to get over it". thats not why i posted this. if i wanted your opinion on whether i'm a ***** or not then i would have said so. i want to know what I can do to help him. I know he wants my help, hes said so but its hard because when i do push him he gets offended. And i dont mind being in the relationship with him fat but its complicating things because he wants a lot of sex and its getting hard to get turned on

Answer 1

Fat loss is ultimately up to him. He'll just have to go over the slump and lose weight by himself with your support. You alone can't convince him to lose weight. He needs to be in on it as well.

That's as simple as it gets.

Answer 2

i don't think there is much you can do. To lose weight the person has to decide that it is important for them. This past summer, I decided that I needed to make a few changes because I was at a point in my life where i realized that i wasn't going to live too much longer the way i was going. I am 6' and in May, I weighed 240. By the end of August I had gotten down to 200, right now, i am down to 180. I did it all by dedication and not straying from my diet plan. Over the summer i was eating about 1500-2000 calories a day and i was going to the gym 5 days a week doing resistance training and running 2 miles on the treadmill and some other form of cardio (eliptical machine or rowing machine). But like I said, it has to be a personal choice and if he knows that you don't like the way he is going, then he should make the personal choice to start working out and "bettering" himself.

Answer 3

First consentrate on diet,,,, the Atkins Diet is the worst diet to start, I'm not saying it wont work but it is not healthy. Everyone has a diet, a diet is just another name for what you eat,,,, you either have a healthy diet or an unhealthy diet. The key is to create a healthy diet that you can live with and enjoy.

Exercise, trying working out in your home. Have a back pack? Put some books in it,,,, do some curles or lundges. Pushups, sit-ups and squats are excellent commercial break aways. Be creative and find ways to work out in your living room as well as the gym.

If you need help setting up a healthy diet, I wouldn't mind helping. Just e-mail me and I'll help you to design a personalized diet.

Good Luck and Eat Well

Answer 4

I think you may need to reassess your reasons for being together. If his weight is SUCH an obstacle for you (and even you admit it is not entirely a health concern) you may have put too much emphasis on appearance in the first place. My parents, for example, started dating at 14 years old and have been together more than 40 years. They've both been thin and healthy and they've both been overweight at given points in time. They both have instilled in me that if you couldn't love a person at 100lbs heavier, you might not really LOVE them in the authentic sense. Also think about how you might react if this person ever got old and wrinkly (WILL happen to everyone) or if they became injured or paralyzed in some way that affected your "attraction" to them. Believe me, I'm not trying to make you feel bad. Everyone values appearance to some extent. But if it is such an issue with you and this particular guy, you might want to take a closer look at the relationship as a whole and evaluate the things you value about him.

Answer 5

It might help to get him to figure out a sport he would enjoy playing... like tennis, basketball, golf, etc. This would allow him to at the very least be active... and if he gets hooked on some sport he would probably slowly decrease in weight just because of that. And maybe you can buy some home gym equipment that you can use together. Like do core exercises... start out with light activities. If he wonders why you are pushing him to get in shape.. I would go with the health route. Tell him you just want him healthy, and tell him the benefits such as, increased energy, better well being, better sleep, better sex etc.. I would stay away from saying anything about his appearance being unsightly.

Answer 6

I have the same problem with my husband. Promises, promises. They will only do it when the doctor scares them into it or they get tired of being fat. Nothing you say can make them want to lose weight. But there are some things you can do. If you live with him, you can slowly TRY to bring less & less junk food into the house. Fruit is best in place of cookies & cake. If my husband brings it in, sometimes I will hide it & then sneak it over to my son's house. If you cook for both of you, try not to make enough for another meal too, so he can't gorge himself & eat it all. Try suggesting activities that you both can do together (when it's nice out.) But make it look like you really want to do it & need someone to do it with you. Losing weight is best done by deciding that you are going to move around more & eat more healthy FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, NOT JUST FOR AWHILE. In other words, there is NO 'best' diet. Many people overeat because they are sad, disappointed, angry, bored, and so forth. Eating shouldn't have anything to do with your emotions. You eat when you're hungry & you don't eat till you're stuffed. When they realize that they are doing that, it's the first step in trying to lose weight.

Answer 7

Encourage him to eat healthy, not with the weight being an issue but his health. A GREAT book to get is "YOU, on a Diet". This is a weight loss book unlike many others out there. It helps you understand the mechanisms that drive people to eat such unhealthy foods. One of the main things I got out of reading it is how much the bad foods sap our energy, leaving us with very little of it to exercise. They also affect our brain energy.
One great suggestion is to stay away from processed foods---and once you have been away from them you don't even crave them. I used to like iced animal cookies and hostess cup cakes but now they gross me out.

Answer 8

You either need to "build a bridge and get over it" and accept him for who he is or find somebody else you are attracted to. Your the one with the problem, as long as he is happy with his self nothing else should matter. If he deciedes to lose weight I hope it's for his self and his health and not for you. Trust me there is a woman out there welling to accept him for him. If you don't want to look at his fat rolls and don't want to be with him, there is a nice woman out willling to love him fat and all.

Answer 9

optimum protein,low fat, low sugar, low carbohydrate,low salt nutrition-after each regular meal along with essential supplements per day,with one liter of water for every 44lbs would provide desired result, for gaining weight.
for losing weight- replace two meals with the above said nutrition
program and having one meal of your choice, plus water one liter for every 44lbs for desired results.anf
for maintaining weight- have once the above mentioned nutrition program and two meals of your choice,plus water -one liter for every 44lbs of body weight.
Male=1"=1kg=2.2lbs
women 1"=800gms=1.76lbs standard weight
now You can work out your possibilities
Fat% Men 16% and women 26%
Men 2000-2200 calories, women 1500-1800 calories(intake)

Answer 10

losing weight has to be a choice he makes on his own, for himself, without pressure.