My daughter hates me and won't let me see my grandchild?

Question

My daughter told me on the phone tonite to f*ck off and die... I have never been abusive to my children, however, I did paddle their bottoms when they were younger. Anyway, 1 week after she graduated high school she moved out and got a restraining order against me saying that she was afraid I was going to kill her. Even though I would have won, I didn't bother going to court. I was dumbfounded! I have never told her I would, nor would I. After 2 yrs she came back around and needed a place to stay while she got divorced (I wasn't invited to the wedding). I let her move in pregnant. I was there when the baby was born, first to hold her, first to feed her. she had c-section and was out of it. all of the sudden one day she went off tried to push me out our upstairs window and moved out. she moved in and out 4 times in 6 months. then she claimed i was following her and moved to wyoming. she was here last week (gone since june) & wudn't let me see the baby. she says i need to change my ways

i have tried to get her to go to counseling with me. we went once and she said it was a waste of time. as far as me doing something to set her off...if she was looking for something and it wasn't where she thinks it should be, she would go off and accuse everyone of taking/throwing away/messing with her stuff. we had to move her out of her trailer in a hurry and she couldn't find some papers and accused her little brother of throwing them away. i suggested she go thru her storage unit (that i paid for) with a fine tooth comb. she said she did twice and they weren't there. i offered to help her and i found them in 10 minutes....never got a thank you for that or anything else i've done for her

i have apologized to her several times for any mistakes i made as a parent when she was calm and we were able to talk. i love her very much and it hurts me that she feels this way. as far as changing my ways, her response was that my husband (her stepfather) sleep in separate beds (we have different sleep patterns) and that i have no friends (which i do). she doesn't want her daughter around this kind of person...HUH??? she says she is the mother and she will do what she thinks is best for her daughter. i'm so confused and hurt by all of this. also, wyoming is 1500+ miles from me.

Answer 1

she's nuts and you should seek custody, OR you nag and criticize her to insanity. You decide.

Answer 2

I hate to play Devil's advocate (really, I do, but it's just what people say in times like this), but I don't think that we're hearing the whole story here. She left only one week out of high school, which means that she had likely been waiting for the chance to get out of your home for some time. She then goes out and gets a restraining order, which aren't given out to people that can't present a legitimate reasoning that the person is a danger to them. If she had that, I'd have to wonder what that reasoning was.

She came back because she needed to, and not because she wanted to. She didn't want you at her own wedding, and probably was upset that you were the first to hold her daughter. While some have labeled this a mood swings and bipolar disorder, I don't see where any of her behavior would swing in FAVOR of you. Through it all, I see a continued loathing of you, and I don't think that it can be entirely in her mind. Obviously the courts didn't, either.

I'm willing to bet that there weren't any other witnesses to her trying to push you out of your upstairs window, were there?

Having been in a relationship with a pathological liar (who started telling people that I broke her arm, and then accused me of cutting her brake lines), I know the things that unstable people spout when they want their way. When someone paints a picture that makes themselves seem rosy and someone else seem like the most heinous villain, I have ample reason to be skeptical, since I've lived it. I don't believe that your daughter is the one with the problem. I think that you are, and that your daughter is staying as far from you as she can out of fear for her and her child's well-being.

Answer 3

I know this may sound harsh, however it sounds like your daughter knows you will be there for her no matter what and is using that as an exuse to push you around. I do not know how her childhood was growing up but I did that to my parents when I turned 18. I had my son at 17 and one day I decided to take advantage of them. I do not believe I was as harsh but one day they told me to change my ways before I was allowed back in their home. I think this would be a good opportunity to do the same. I know she turned the tables on you however, use this time wisely, no matter how much it hurts, if you love her, let her fall. Once she gets back up and realizes what a good parent you are, then if she is smart, she will do the right thing. I hope this helps and if it doesnt, I hope you find some information that will. Try and have a good night.

Answer 4

;o( I'm so sorry that sounds terrible. With what it sounds like your daughter having such mood swings it seems she has serious problems or is just a very unhappy person. If you guys can't work this out among yourselves the only other solution would be to talk to a lawyer about it. I'm not so sure how much that will do but i believe at least in some states grandparents do have some rights as far as seeing their grandchildren. I'm not for sure but a lawyer would know. This may cause more problems with your daughter and your relationship but it doesn't sound like you have much of one now anyways. good luck on whatever you decide to do. ;o)

Answer 5

First of all -- you are describing in this posting that YOU were abused MULTIPLE TIMES by this Adult Daughter .. and she was ACTIVELY Trying to kill you ...

WHEN she does this -- hit your alarm system, call the police, but keep a phone on you ... and if she does hit you again, PRESS CHARGES AGAINST HER and DEMAND a RESTRAINING ORDER.

I can totally see that there are problems here .. and I do realize how difficult it is for ANY middle-aged or older female to get the Police/Prosecutors to not just take the complaint, but to take the complaint seriously and PROSECUTE This Abusive Adult Child and PROTECT your own life.

I FEAR for you if you allow this Adult Child Back into your home at this time. She has shown multiple times that she is very irresponsible and USES/ABUSES you, your home, and is threatening you all along ... you may NOT survive another attack. That is why you need to use TOUGH LOVE and Call the police on her.

YOU need to attend counseling too -- but in your case, it is to understand WHY you are CO-Dependent with her .. and why you feel the need to ENABLE her to move in and out, be irresponsible, and continue to abuse YOU without DEMANDING the prosecution of the Adult Child in the first place.

YOUR first Priority should be YOUR LIFE. It is that simple.

Answer 6

I can't imagine my son hating me. What a tragedy. I think I would ask myself if I am in the wrong somehow - have you done something that makes her believe what she says is true? Did you verbally abuse her? I don't mean to point fingers or accuse you of anything. I just think she believes what she is saying is true - for whatever reason I can't say. You need to get counseling for yourself - and be honest with the DOC about everything. Good luck - family is important - you should do whatever you need to do to fix this.

Answer 7

It sounds like your daughter has mental problems or is on drugs, I am not being rude, I have a lot of daughter's and 4 are really screwed up( 1 is my natural child) I have tried to help but it is way over my head. Just hope and pray that if she is unstable that your granddaughter is OK and she finds help. I can't fix my own and I would not want to lead you in a way that would make her mad.

Answer 8

This is a power play on your daughter's part. Unfortunately, she holds all the cards. So you have to decide how far you will give in to see the baby. It's a terrible situation for everyone.

Would she go for group counciling? You may have to give in more than your share, but it might be worth it to be part of your grandchild's life.

Answer 9

Geez, what a lovely family life you guys have.
Look, you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do, so take a step back and let things cool off for a bit. Maybe after everyone has calmed down and the accusations are no longer flying fast and thick, you and your daughter can sit down and talk things out together like adults.

Answer 10

tell her to f*** of. And if she needs a place to stay, refuse. If she brings you to court, say that she was moving in and out for 6 months. AND, say she tried to push you out of the window. AND, say that you were the first one to take care of her child, even after you weren't invited to the wedding. No offense, buy your daughter is a real ***** if she would do that to her mother. I couldn't imagine doing that to my mom. It would crush her.

Answer 11

Not to sound mean but I think your daughter needs some help. Thats just not normal, and who knows what she will try to do to you later. For the sake of your granddaughter you need to get her some help. As her mother you always need to have her best interests in mind no matter how old she is.